Dazai Osamu x Chuuya Nakahara Fanfiction Book

A Secret - part 3 (put off)

Silence
___________

8 years ago

"Do you wanna wear clothes this time, or no?"

Chuuya looked over to his brother. He sat on the edge of the bed, a red hoodie covering his body with baggy jeans over his legs. Paul stood on the other side of the room, lighting a cigarette that smelt of weed. The teenager, and soon-to-be adult, was getting ready for graduation. His bright yellow cap and gown was wrapped in clear plastic wrapper, folded neatly on his dresser in contrast with his dark and dull room.

"I don't care." Chuuya said, and it felt as if he didn't say anything at all. "Clothes on."

"Why?" Paul inhaled a bit of the smoke, and then let it leave his lips. Not like it didn't before, but the room started to smell of skunk. "Don't you think it feels more pleasant with no clothes on?"

"I don't like it, I get sweaty and uncomfortable. You get saliva all over me and I don't like it when you put your thingy inside of me. It hurts."

Paul seemed to process that sentence for a good few seconds, deep in thought til he smashed his cigarette on the carpet. "Fair... do you think I could adjust anything to make it feel better?"

"Do we have to keep doing this?"

"..."

For a few seconds, silence rose in the air. Paul sort of kept still in the room, and Chuuya stared at his hands while he fidgeted with his thumbs.

"Like... playing together. I just... it's become sort of old. I'd rather play video games or... or baseball..." Chuuya bit his gum as he looked to the window. The blinds were closed, but partially cracked open; he could see a bird's nest with babies lying in the straw.

"I think it's fun." Paul said. "We can try new things, if you'd like."

"New things?" Peaked the younger's interest.

"Yeah. There's different things to explore in this type of playing. I'll show you."

Chuuya instantly frowned, thinking for once that "new things" might mean they could finally actually act like real brothers. Like the kids in the shows. Like Full House, or in Step by Step. He didn't wanna act like whatever they did in these moments. Whatever that meant. He liked it—when Paul and him would go skateboarding, play video games, board games. He liked it when they were normal.

But, right now— silence filled the air. Even when they would talk, all Chuuya could hear was an awkwardness that he couldn't avoid.

An eerie, scary, itchy silence that would ring in his ears; he wondered if Paul could hear it too.

He wondered if Paul thought this was okay.

"Okay." Chuuya said, an empty feeling with a bitter taste arose on his tongue.

"How about we switch every time we play. We'll wear clothes today, then tomorrow we won't. Then we will, then we won't. Deal?"

Chuuya shrugged. "Sure."

The older boy kept his clothes on, keeping to the "deal" he had blanketed the scene with. Chuuya was pushed down to the bed; his eyes closed. All he knew was that a large mass was above him, and for the next half hour he had to take whatever was to come.