Dazai Osamu x Chuuya Nakahara Fanfiction Book

Our Desire for Space

Black blanketed the night-sky, the stars freckled over space.

Ding!

He peered down to his phone, seeing a text message from Dazai. I'm almost there dingus it read. He turned back to the sky.

Chuuya never knew why he always looked at the planets with awe.

It could be due to how pretty they look, or because he was the only one that could see them when he floats in the sky. Other than the astronauts and scientists, he's also an exception to humanity to see something so special.

He knows nothing about planets, but he has the privilege to see them. It's funny that he can see them unlike most people, yet he doesn't even take his time to learn their names while most children in elementary school are learning where they are in the galaxy like a map.

It's almost laughable to him.

Dazai hasn't been around much lately—meaning the past four years. Ever since he left, Chuuya has learned to live without him. Truly, when his partner in crime first left it was hard to let him go. He would try and find ways to contact him but Dazai's too good at disappearing, it was as if he was dead. One day they were laughing together in the bar, joking about stupid things and the next he was just gone. Nothing there: no contact, not even a note. No message, he didn't tell even Chuuya what happened. He heard about Oda Sakunosuke and the mimic, assuming that's why he left. His car was also blown up—by Dazai, and then he was gone.

Then he just popped up out of nowhere, working for a whole different organization— for the government, of all things. His slate was clean and he was a free man. It wasn't fair. He pulled Chuuya into the life he had, and then just left and now his own life is clean of his crime, yet the crime Chuuya had committed couldn't be undone. He doesn't have that ability— to abolish his own sin. He's not as smart as Dazai and as skilled, and he knows it.

He liked the mafia though, it's his home. It's just the betrayal of Dazai's heart is what hurts him.

Not like it matters, though.

Chuuya would say it was the space between them that hurt the most. But I think it was actually what made him feel even more obsessed with him.

Obsessed with the idea of him coming back. The idea that maybe— even a slither of hope— that he would get a knock on his door. A note in the mail. A text to his phone. A fucking email to his computer.

But Chuuya knew— Dazai was too smart, and prideful for any of those things to actually happen.

"Are you gonna float up there forever?!"

Chuuya didn't take his eyes off the sky, instead kicking a small piece of cement backwards using gravity manipulation, hitting Dazai right in the forehead.

"Ouch!~"

"Yes."

"Jeez! Who knew you were such a violent midget..."

Chuuya came back to the ground, walking to the tall man. "You did. So be aware while in my presence. Ding~us~" He flicked his forehead back, right where the cement had hit and left a mark.

"Abuse!"

"Yes, it is."

"You're supposed to be my partner, not abuser..."

"If you were my partner you wouldn't have left. Now shut it and suck it up."

Dazai made noises to mock him, Chuuya ignored it. This man irritated his soul. Anytime he was around him he couldn't stand him, any time he talked to him all he wanted to do was punch him. He truly didn't like Dazai.

Yet, when they're apart, all he can think about is the next thing he'll say to hurt his feelings. It's ridiculous.

"Do you have the disk?"

"Yeah."

All they met up for was a simple trade deal for a mission. He gives Dazai a disk with information on an organization, Dazai gives him a recording of evidence the Port Mafia wants of their own crime to erase it.

It was a simple deal, and they would only be in contact for a minute whilst doing so in a discreet location.

Yet Chuuya had been thinking about this all week, this small interaction. This short trading of insults, this moment right here. It was all he could think about. He did so many things too: he killed, he traded, he stole, he lied, and yet this was all that was on his mind.

"3, 2, 1–"

They handed each other the items at the same time, not because they didn't trust each other but because it was just a fun game they do with their partner instincts.

Chuuya shouldn't trust him anymore. Not after he left. Or his several betrayals.

Oh well.

Chuuya could feel the space between them during the moment as well. 10 inches. 6 inches. 4 inches. 10 inches again.

Then Dazai took a step back, so Chuuya took twice as much.

"Well, see ya some other time, chibi!" He turned around and left.

Just like that. No questions, no how are you's, nothing. Just a trade, and gone. Someone who he used to sit next to at the bar, drinking. Just the two of them. The one that used to go explore abandoned parks with him. The one that used to do everything with him. Just turning around and leaving like that. Just like before.

He knows, deep down, Dazai truly does not care for him. Whatever is going on in his head, is completely different than his own. Dazai has other priorities than Chuuya. He has the agency, he has the promise he made to Oda, he has a lot to live up to in his own head. He has nothing to do with Chuuya. Even if he checks up with him once in a while, face to face and personally— that's only to soothe his little "humble" good-person persona he's made up in his little head.

Dazai is everything to Chuuya. But Chuuya is starting to learn to let that universe of his crumble. Because when Dazai is Chuuya's universe, Chuuya is Dazai's Pluto. No purpose, no real name, just a defect to the real planets.

Chuuya floated back up to the sky, and stared into the abyss. The stars disappeared.

Maybe space is the only reason why I love you.