Winter Eyes (JuuzouxOC)

I don't want to be here

My eyes flew open, my body completely numb. The dead-mint walls stared at me continuously. My heavy breaths shattered my lungs piece by piece. I couldn't move, my spine completely motionless. The pain in my body was pouring into my brain and back. I stayed there, watching the walls for an unknown amount of time as the pain was making me completely dissociated.
"Oh, are you alright?" I heard a warm female voice waking me up.
I opened my eyes as the voice reached my ears. I wasn't able to speak, but I still could see. The nurse stood indoors, her face worried. She got up to me, carrying a clear bag of foggy, transparent liquid. My brain couldn't process anything, so I didn't actually know what I was doing here. I had Jūzō messing around some sort of table as my only memory, but I didn't want to think anything of it. It was making my brain sick, and I didn't want to force my brain muscles to work.
"Okay, I see you're in pain. I'm gonna let you rest for now, if you want to eat," she paused, trying to put up the bag, "let me know, okay?"
She walked away, leaving me all alone with my dissociation.
***
I could walk now, but the pain made me miserable. Everyone was visiting me almost every day, and it didn't make me happy at all, I just wanted to rest. Jūzō was the one who visited me the most, I didn't know why, but it made me really annoyed.
"Hey, how are you feeling today?" Suzuya walked in with a bright smile on his face.
"I'm fine," I said, sitting up on the bed.
"Ohh, that's good."
He seated himself on my bed, his crazy ass still not respecting my boundaries. I didn't want to interact with anyone at that point, but I had to deal with the thought of being pitied.
"How are you feeling about what happened? Do you still have flashbacks about it?" Jūzō asked, looking all excited to hear whatever he wanted me to say.
"Yes, and it's none of your business..."
"They promoted me, y'know, thank you for that!"
A pain of hatred poured all over my brain cells. It was nice to know that I could die, and he would still get promoted.
"You're so annoying..."
"Oh, sorry."
The silence fell between us, I just wanted him to leave, couldn't he understand that?
"I'm just not capable of working anymore, just say it to the CCG," I broke the silence, getting angry.
"Why do you want that?"
"You see my wounds, right? How much of a ghoul I couldn't be, I'm still as fragile as a human."
I didn't know why I said it, I started becoming a wimp after this stupid accident.
I knew The Cold Eye was still haunting me, and I knew I couldn't defeat him.
"Oh-" he paused, trying to think of an answer, "I think you'll be able to recover, the doctors say you recover faster than a normal person."
"Sure," I say, leaving the conversation.
Jūzō tried to talk to me after that, smiling and hoping for me to answer. I didn't give any answer to any of his questions.
"Okay, I'll leave you, wish you a good recovery..." he finally said, closing the door shut.
I was left there, thinking of things, the things I didn't want to continue.