Winter Eyes (JuuzouxOC)

Just a Regular Day

I spent most of my time lying in bed, my heart aching. I knew there was nothing I was capable of doing anymore. I couldn't be accepted by any parties - neither ghouls or humans. I wasn't strong enough for a ghoul, and wasn't "normal" enough for a human. I never actually thought of that as I was always studying or working, but since I've got time to do nothing loads, I couldn't work anymore. I could feel every heartbeat, making me terrified of death I was going to face one day. What if it exploded? Why would I be scared of it?
I lay there, my heart trying to break through my chest cage. My eyes were focused on a single bulb hanging from the ceiling. They couldn't even get me into a normal hospital, even though they were CCG.
My attention refocused on light stumps by the door. It was probably Jūzō as he always walked that way. I waited for him to walk in, but it seemed he wasn't going to come in. My curiosity flew through the roof, and I slowly put my feet on the ground and walked up to the door.
"What are you doing?" I asked, my voice languid.
Suzuya stood there, his face covered with a light surprise, his arms immediately flying behind his back. I was looking at him from ahigh, clearly making him uncomfortable.
"Um, I wanted to give you something," he stretched his left hand before me, a small piece of paper looking ahead of me.
"What is that?" I asked, moving my gaze from the piece of paper to Jūzō.
"Read it."
I took the sheet, examining it cautiously. A bunch of signs were written on it, diverse sizes of which made me curious. One recognizable to me was one of the signs - my friend's, Ikari.
"What does this mean?" I asked, looking back at Suzuya.
"Everyone who signed the paper is wishing you well," he smiled, "and also, also, this is mine..." he pointed at a huge red pen handwritten "Suzuya" in two broad kanji.
"And why?" I asked once again, giving the sheet back to the guy.
"Because you're going to get well soon and gonna get back to work, Ikari said that."
"He can say whatever he wants, he knows they aren't going to take me back."
"Nah, the whole CCG signed the paper telling that you have to go back to work whatever happens."
"What?" my eyelids flew completely open, me realizing that those people actually care about me, "why though?"
"Pfft- you've helped us so much this year, and we got attached to you~"
"Okay then," I said, trying to finish the conversation. He wouldn't let me.
"How are you feeling?" Jūzō continued, his grin getting larger.
"I'm okay..."
"What do you usually do here? Sorry, I always forgot to ask this question-"
"I'm doing what I have to do..." I interrupted calmly.
My head was getting even more achy as I was starting to think about all those people from the CCG team liking me? No, that can't be it...
"Okay, will you come in if you want to talk that much, the people are watching," I waved my hand inside, calling Suzuya in.
His face filled with the redness of genuine happiness as he heard those words. I didn't want him here, but, at the same time, I didn't want to waste my energy on telling him off.
"Aw, so can I ask you more questions?" Jūzō asked, looking me into the soul.
"Sure," my voice worried and shaky.
"So, do you like it here? Or is it too boring?"
These questions were driving me insane, I always hated small talk.
"Okay, you can sit here as long as you want, but, please, don't ask me stupid questions..." my voice didn't even try to sound aggressive or annoyed, I couldn't process anything going on either way.
"Oh, what are not stupid questions?"
"I don't know, make them up or something..." I sat on the chair before the window, watching the cars move, wind blow, and people walk.
We sat there for a while, I could feel Suzuya's gaze on me for around five minutes. I didn't care, I just didn't understand what I was feeling, and that was my only bother.
"Oh, and also-" Jūzō continued, ripping my attention off my thoughts, "I was finally allowed to tell you what happened, but, of course, if you don't want to hear it, that's fine..." his voice didn't appear to be sad or angry, it was still filled with curiousness it always had while its owner was calm.
That was something I didn't want to hear, but I said, "go on..."
"Your guts were spilled out and you started dying right away, I had to move his attention on me, so he could get angry while CCG and ambulance were coming..."
My brain didn't process it as anything, the only thing that bothered me was a cold muffled voice echoing through my brain. I couldn't feel it, I couldn't hear it, but it was there.
You need to stop it, you need to stop it...
My thoughts were running through my mouth, ears, and nose, as though they were going to be heard by Suzuya, but he didn't notice, he continued talking, and I didnt want to listen.
"Are you okay?" I got brought back to reality, Jūzō's voice stopping my thoughts.
"Yes, I am okay, I just need some time to think..."
"Ah, okay," he continued sitting there, waiting for me to do something.
"Are you dumb? Do you understand Japanese?" I asked, getting back to my usual state.
"Oh, yeah, I gotta go," he stood up, walking over to the door without his usual movements, he was genuinely upset it seemed.
I didn't say anything as the door closed shut. I stayed there, watching the people walk, wind blow, the cars move.