When it Rains, it Hurts

12

The more you understand how love works, the more you get tired.

Love may be tiring.

For two years, Edward seemed to lose interest in everything he usually does, after getting cheated on. And for those years, I wasn't his support system. I knew I had to let Edward be independent. I also didn't want to be dependent on him.

My friends got hired and they are now working at big companies. While I am here, striving to finish the last year of my college degree. I badly want to get that "RN."

David and Solana broke up after a short period of dating. Qamari and Ethan were going strong. I don't know anything about Pia. But I think, she's been interested in pilots for quite a long time now. As for me, I remained single for the past years. I've overcome the strong urge of sexualizing myself, do hookups, and feel the need to have sex. I consulted a professional about it. It turns out it was my coping mechanism and my trauma response.

The more people that I reach, the more I get to understand that individuals have different ways of expressing their feelings and overcoming their trauma. I've learned to respect each person that I'd meet.

"Night shift ka? Good luck!" I smiled at Francine. I started fixing my things. "By the way, Sir Edward said he'll be waiting for you."

"Huh? Umaga pa-"

"He's right behind you. Alis na ako, sis. Bye!" I automatically turned around when Francine stormed out of the room.

"Sabay na tayo umuwi mamaya. I'll be assisting my brother with some matters until morning." Tumango ako sa kaniya. Bumalik ako sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit ko. "Sage-"

"Shh, it should be Ms. Laurel, Mr. Hernandez. Baka isipin nila nagpapabida ako sa isa sa mga may-ari ng hospital na 'to. Mabuti pa, lumabas ka na. Baka may makakita pa sa 'yo rito-"

"I'm no longer one of the owners of this hospital, Ms. Laurel," EJ whispered to my ear. I was unable to move when he rested his chin on my shoulder. His arms snaked around my waist. "I missed you and I still miss you."

"Bakit? Wala ka na bang ibang kaibigan?"

"You think I miss you because you're my friend?" Mas lalong humigpit ang yakap niya sa 'kin. I wasn't numb. I knew he was showing me his real feelings. After moving on from his last relationship, he eventually found his way back to me. "I think I'll forever be attached to you."

"Mmm, sana panindigan mo. If one day I learn how to love you beyond the walls we built, please don't change." Mahina kong kinalas ang pagkakayakap sa akin ni EJ.

After a long shift, I immediately looked for EJ. As expected, he was roaming around the hospital with his brother. Ethan pointed at me, making his younger brother look. I went to them and smiled. EJ got my things from me and bid goodbye to Ethan. I smiled at Ethan one last time before following his brother.

Nang makarating kami sa parking lot, bigla namang may tumawag kay EJ. He opened the door of his car for me before answering the call. I reclined my seat and closed my eyes. I need to sleep. I felt the car move just a few minutes after. I opened my eyes a bit and saw Edward staring at me.

"Anong iniisip mo? Na sana ako nalang minahal mo?" pagbibiro ko sa kaniya.

"Sana nga ikaw nalang." He started the car's engine. Natahimik tuloy ako.

What could've changed if he pursued me? What could've happened if I admitted to myself that I liked him? So many what-ifs and all that was left was regret.

"EJ, sa'n tayo? Sa unit mo?" Tumango siya habang diretso lang ang tingin sa daan. "Hindi mo ba nami-miss iyong tinirahan mong apartment noon?"

"Maraming memories na nabuo ro'n. Mabuti kung puro sa 'yo lang." Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. Nanigas ang katawan ko nang maramdaman ang isang kamay niya sa aking kamay. "I like you, Sage."

"Hmm, ramdam ko, EJ."

"At araw-araw kong ipaparamdam sa 'yo."

Tumatawa kong tinapat kay EJ ang hose. Basang-basa na kami sa ulan ngunit heto pa rin kami, pinaglalaruan ang tubig na nagmumula sa hose. Nang makapag-ipon ng tubig si EJ sa isang timba, ibinuhos niya iyon sa akin. Bumakat na ang bra ko dahil masyadong manipis ang shirt na suot ko. Iyong kulay pink pa naman ang suot ko!

Nakangiting lumapit sa akin si EJ at niyakap ako. Pinipilit kong umalis ngunit masyadong mahigpit ang yakap niya. Natigil ako sa paggalaw nang isuot niya sa aking palapulsuhan ang isang gintong bracelet. There was an engraved message... Until the end of our rollercoaster saga,

"What does this mean?" I asked in a low voice. "It's incomplete, EJ. It has a comma, so it's really not complete."

"It's good that you noticed the comma after the word saga. It means our saga won't have an ending, just a pause. But that's not what I wanna tell you." He removed the bracelet from my wrist and showed me the engraved message inside. "This is what I really want to tell you."

I love you.

"As a friend?" I looked at him and smiled. He returned that smile as he shook his head. "The hell?"

"I was joking," he said in a serious tone. He reached for my hand and pulled me until we reached inside.

Nabasa na iyong sahig namin. Buti nalang wala si daddy. Walang magagalit sa pinaggagawa namin. Kumuha ako ng mop. Si EJ pinauna ko na sa banyo. Doon pa talaga sa banyo ng kuwarto ko napili ni EJ na maligo.

Nang matapos ako sa pagmo-mop ng sahig, umakyat na ako. Gano'n na lamang ang gulat ko pagbukas ng pinto nang makita si EJ na walang saplot. Mariin kong naipikit ang mga mata bago tumalikod. Tanginang 'yan, bumungad ba naman sa 'kin iyong tite niya! Ang inosente pa naman ng mga mata ko.

Bago pa man ako makahabang palayo, nahawak na ako ni EJ. Nakapikit pa rin ang mga mata ko nang iharap niya 'ko sa kaniya. Naramdaman ko ang paghila niya sa akin papasok ng kuwarto ko. Ano ba ang gagawin namin? Hindi ako ready! Hindi naman iyon ang plano ko! Unti-unti kong iminuklat ang aking mga mata. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makitang naka-boxers na siya.

"Sa susunod, kung sa labas ka ng banyo magbibihis, mag-lock ka ng pinto," pagalit na saad ko. "Huwag mo naman akong gulatin."

"Why? Didn't you see it before? You even felt-"

"No talking about the past. Ayoko na ulit sumubok, okay? We're friends, EJ. Fucking isn't included in the things that we can do as friends." Nakaramdam ako ng hiya nang pumungay ang mga mata niya. "Napagod ka yata," puna ko.

"No, I am just trying to control myself."

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