Know That I Loved You

Part 7

Ian's body feels like hot water to my hands as I jump away from him.

-Oh, I thought no one's here- the unknown guy that has his head sticking in the room finally speaks with a slightly shocked expression. He quickly apologizes before shutting the door closed again, leaving us to deal with the silence.

He doesn't move a muscle while observing me, he knows I'm going to run away. And I don't even bother sparing him a look before doing so. I can't stand staying in the room I lost my morals in a few seconds ago. Suddenly every feeling and thought I had pushed to the back of my head came rushing to me, making me feel sick in the stomach.

I've liked girls my whole life, never have I looked at a man that way before, so why is it that I can't stay away from him? I thought I hated him and couldn't stand him because he interfered with my personal life despite the fact that we had agreed not to cross the line. We agreed that no friendship would come out from this and we parted our ways. I was at ease with myself before he decided to not only cross the line, but to destroy it.

Without even thinking twice I leave Gigi's house. I want to dissapear from this town, I want to leave behind every sensation I have for him, every look we shared, every touch, everything. But he doesn't seem to give up. He runs out of the house and I start running even faster. Why can't he leave me alone? Why is he always making things worse?

I try to outrun him and hide but he soon reaches me, forcing us both to the ground. I try to push him off but he doesn't move so I take a second to catch my breath before trying again.

-You have to stop running away from your feelings- he almost screams and I tense under him. No, I don't want to admit that I have feelings for the same gender, I physically can't bear the thought of it, let alone admit it.

-Ian, please, get the fuck off of me, I beg you- I say still breathless from my run. He shakes his head in disapproval and I scoff at how ridiculous this must look from aside. I can only thank the lord that it's late and no one is out on the street to experience our absurd wrestle.

-If you promise not to run- I nod at his request and he slowly starts lifting himself up from me, ready to catch me if I suddenly try to escape again.

-We can't do this Ian, it's not right. We're guys and, we shouldn't be doing this, it was a mistake and we should prevent it from happening again- his eyes inspect mine, trying to find out what I really mean. He approaches me and I immediately step back. Thankfully he stops once he sees me backing away.

-Who said it's not right- he seems determined to make me face the fact that I might be in love with him. But deep down I already know, it's the reason why I'm running away.

-I don't think it's normal, and even if It was, we couldn't have done it. We still have our fathers preventing it from happening- he looks hurt by my words and I try not to feel bad for speaking my truth. Sharing this with him makes me feel better about myself, facing my mistakes actually makes me feel unmolested by my brutal thoughts. He doesn't answer for a while and I take it as a chance to excuse myself.

-I should go- as I try to leave he stops me again but this time without any force. I turn around to face him again and I can see the doubt in his eyes.

-Do you want to run away?- I lift my eyebrow, confused at his random request. As much as I don't want to spend my time with him, the idea of vanishing from this town for a while wins over me. I only nod at his request without really thinking things through.

And we just start walking down the dark and empty road without exchanging a single word. It's like we understand eachother with just a look. It feels like we have been walking for a few hours once we arrive at the train station. We never really agreed where we wanted to go so I just go up to the cashier choosing the earliest train to wherever.