Know That I Loved You

Part 8

(Ian's POV)

I wake up from the sound of waves crashing against the sand. The breeze caresses my face, somewhat helping me wake up faster, but Kai's body missing by my side is what makes me fully gain consciousness. I look around and to my relief I find him sitting on one of the big rocks next to the shore.

It's now that I realize how stupid of me it was to suggest running away, knowing that he's in danger of being found by my father. Though I don't regret doing it. This is the happiest I've ever been in my entire life of misery and I don't want it to ever end, but for Kai's sake, we need to return before they notice our absence.

I wish everyone would suddenly forget about our existence just so I could spend a few more hours with him. It's like right before I break the wall he's built around himself, something stops me from doing so. In our case, reality.

It's clear as a day to me that he has a hard time accepting the fact that he feels something whenever I touch him, even if it's a light brush of hands, I can see the way he pulls back hesitantly, almost forced by his self-consciousness. And if it's clear to me that he's struggling to accept it, I am convinced that deep down he wants it as much as I do. He wants to destroy everything inside him that keeps him from kissing me whenever he feels like it, from touching me freely and embracing me without second thoughts.

But even if he overcomes that, there is still an impediment that prevents us from evolving our feelings for each other.

I try not to think about it too much as I watch him sit there motionless, staring at the sky that hasn't dawned yet. With hesitant steps, I approach him, afraid that he'll try to run away again. The rock seems big enough for the both of us and I take a seat next to him, fixing my eyes at the breathtakingly beautiful sky. It's comforting and somewhat promising that there's hope for us.

-I wish I could spend the rest of my life staring at the sky- the slight desperation in his voice catches my attention, causing me to break the one-sided eye contact with the sky he's talking about.

His face is blank, I can barely tell what he's feeling, though there's a subtle change in it the second he notices that I'm looking at him. His chest starts to move a little faster and he looks down at his fingers just to play with them. 'I wish I could spend mine with you' is my response to his sudden confession, although I can't say it out loud.

Looking at him makes me realize that I can't change the way that things are. I can't change my father, I can't change his and I certainly can't change what's in my pants. Maybe being friends is the only way we can ever be in each other's life, even though that'll be hard to hide from my father as well.

-Can you promise me one thing?- he finally looks at me after what seemed to be forever. His eyes soften and my chest immediately feels warmer.

-What?- its like once we make eye contact it's impossible to break it. There's no way friends look at each other like this, there's no way they feel what I'm feeling right now.

-That we'll always come here whenever we want to escape from reality- his eyes fall on my lips with a glimpse of vulnerability in them. The same type of vulnerability I have whenever it comes to him. He doesn't speak a word as he nods his head, letting a faint smile paint on his face.

And we just sit there, so close yet so far apart, unable to break the wall between us. We didn't say a word to each other for the rest of the day as we headed back to where we came from, the hell we briefly left behind. I know we both dread going back to our problems, the silence is a good enough sign.

The sky grows darker as the lights of the city make their appearance, letting us know that we must soon say goodbye. That unpleasant feeling in my chest grows as I look at him in front of me, knowing that he'll dissapear again, that I won't see him soon.