I Work For One Direction..AGAIN?!

Chapter 36: This is it.

She just stood still and stared at me. It was like we were staring at each other for the first time. Almost as if it weren't real. We were both quiet.. Too quiet. I didn't know what to say and she didn't utter a word. She just stood there. Jess' eyes wouldn't fine mine. She wouldn't look at me. She just stared at her feet as I stared at her. Enough of this silence already. "Do you wanna sit down?"

She nodded and quickly moved to a sofa.

I sat down at the sofa across from her. My hands were tightly clasped together. I wished I had one of those stress balls. One of those would come in handy by now. My hands were already started to sweat.

I cleared my throat a few times. It was a stupid thing to do but nothing was being said. It was like we were mute at that moment. I didn't know why she was here.

We're leaving in 2 days. I couldn't believe how fast 3 weeks had gone by. It felt like only a few days. It felt like I had just seen Jess again. We had finally reconnected and now it was soon to be over. How did we find ourselves in this position again? We have always been able to talk to each other no matter how angry or hurt we were. Yelling would have been better at this point. Anything but this awkward silence would be better. It was like I wanted to scream. Partly because neither of us would open our mouths to say something and also because she wouldn't look at me at all. She just stared at her hands and she looked so sad. How could I have completely destroyed her in less than a month? How is that even possible? Its ridiculous. Its unreal and all this time I felt like I was in the worst dream I had ever dreamt.

She cleared her throat which snapped me out of thought in hopes that she would say anything but she didn't. She just played with her hands and sat there on the sofa with out making another sound. She was so quiet. I knew something was wrong. When she was quiet that meant that something was wrong. If Jess yelled or cried then at least she would be talking but she wasn't talking right now and that worried me. It scared me.

"Jess..." I said in almost a whisper.

She looked up at me for the first time. Her eyes were extremely sad. Too sad. Too sad for her to have a good reason to be here. "I'm sorry." She said. "I didn't think it would be so hard to talk to you right now."

I looked down, ashamed. Her heart was broken and here she was, trying to talk to me when I was the one who broke her heart.

"I'm just confused, Harry." She said. Finally, she was starting to talk again. "I just don't know how to deal with all of this right now."

"I know." I said. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah... me too."

"To be honest I don't really know why I'm here. I just- I don't know..." She rubbed her face and now I was the one who wouldn't dare speak. "We've really made a mess of it this time, haven't we Harry?"

I scoffed. "Yeah..." We made the biggest mess.

"How do we always end up here? We always end up with broken hearts and terrible goodbyes." She said. Her voice was so quiet and the words just flowed out like she didn't have the energy to put emotion into them.  

It took a few seconds for it to hit me. See said 'broken hearts and goodbyes'. Was this her saying goodbye? Was she leaving again?

"Is this a goodbye?" I asked.

She looked away. She just stared away at nothing as her expression grew more painful to look at without crumbling. "I don't know what this is anymore, Harry."

This was my moment. This was the only moment I had. She needed to know the truth. I needed to tell her now because I had the worst feeling in my gut telling me that when she walks out that door... We would never be us again.