Secrets kept under the surface

Struggles

"Scarlett Blair?" said the teacher, "here!" girl in the front raised hand. Lucia clanged her fist, her body was tense.

Now is your turn...

she looked at her fists she didn't realised that her knuckles turned white.

Say correct name, say correct name, say correct name-

"Lucio Noceda?" said teacher

Damn it!

Lucia didn't respond, her body filled with disappointment. That wasn't her name. But, what could she expect from that old teacher? It's not like this town was ever accepting anyway. So why did she got her hopes up?

"Lucio? Is Lucio here?" repeated teacher, Lucia relaxed her hands, "present" she said quickly.
People around her started to whisper all kinds of things, but she didn't listen. It was not worth her strength, most of the school knew anyway. She hung her head and just ignored her classmates. Teacher finished and class started, but Lucia wasn't paying attention. It's okay.. I'm used to this anyway.

Phone in her pocked vibrated, distracting her from her thoughts. She looked at the screen, it was Amelia. Lucia smiled a little, Amelia always appeared when she needed her. It brought her a little comfort.

Are you online? Lucia immediately texted back Yeah what's up? And impatiently waited for answer. She wished Amelia was her classmate, if she was here, maybe.. maybe she wouldn't have to deal with this on her own. Even though she pretended that she didn't care, when people missgendered her. Deep deep down she felt a little pain every time it happened.

"Noceda!" Teacher's voice made her jump a little, in her seat "yes?" she said as if nothing happened and hid her phone. Could you at least pretend that you're paying attention please? he said and crossed his arms. Lucia could feel anger and embarrassment mixing inside her stomach. She tried to keep her mouth shut, but she wasn't going to let this teacher embarrass her twice in one day.

"I was paying attention." She said maybe with little more intend, than she meant. But it was too late now. The teacher raised an eyebrow "oh really? In that case, what did we talked about?"
Lucia inhaled, she was half-listening to what he was saying, so she didn't know all details, but from the little she knew, Lucia managed to say everything right.

"Alright then" said the teacher, turned around and continued talking as nothing happened. Lucia sighed and smiled at her little victory, this turned out much better than I expected! She thought to herself.
She looked at her phone again. Amelia texted her few minutes ago.

Do you thing you can come to bathroom on second floor?

She quickly replied yes and excused herself to the bathroom. In her mind she wondered why Amelia asked to meet up in middle of classes. Sure, this week they barely see each other because of Lucia's job and Amelia's extra classes her mother forced her to attend, but... did she really missed her this much?

Thought alone made Lucia's heart flatted. She made her way to the bathroom and entered the place.
Amelia was on the other side of the room, her back pressed against the wall scrolling on phone. She raised her gaze when the door opened and her eyes met with Lucia's. She smiled, put her phone in pocket of her skirt and went to her girlfriend.

Amelia put her hands on Lucia's sides, "so why did you wanted to meet up?" Asked Lucia, staring into Amelia's eyes. She pressed her head on Lucia's chest and closed her eyes. "I just missed you." Lucia laughed and placed her hands around Amelia's shoulders and tithed the hug, "I missed you to."

They stayed like this for a few seconds in comfortable silence, before their eyes met again. Lucia cupped back of Amelia's skull and pulled her into a light-fevered kiss.

Amelia's lips were still same, smooth and tasting of mint. She didn't realised how much she missed this, how much she missed Amelia! Even though it was just a week, it felt like forever.

Amelia leaned in more, pressing their bodies closer and deeping the kiss. Lucia didn't pulled back, if this was what Amelia wanted she could adapt. She wished that time would stop so bought of them could have this moment a little longer.

Lucia felt something tickled her back, she didn't pay much attention to it at first. But after a while she realised that Amelia was opening her bra.

Lucia pulled back, her enthusiasm was gone in a blink of an eye. "What the hell Amelia?!" She said and pulled her hands from under her shirt, her heart started beating faster. "What's wrong?" asked innocently Amelia. Lucia's eyes were burning with frustration, she squeezed Amelia's hands. "What were you thinking? We didn't agree on this!" she said in a raised voice. "Isn't it obvious?" her voice lacked with irritation, she pulled away from Lucia, crossing her arms on her chest and took few steps back. The comfortable feeling was gone, now the room was filled with tension.

Lucia inhaled, "I know what you wanted to do, but.. why in school?! In middle of a class?!" Amelia rolled her eyes. "Why are you making such a big deal out of it Noceda? Almost everyone in our friend group already did it and Wiona won't shut up about my virginity! Do you want me to look bad in front of them? Come on Lucia! we've been together over a year!" finished Amelia, stumping her foot on the floor. Lucia stepped back, she had never seen Amelia behave like this and she didn't like it. Sure, her girlfriend snapped sometimes, but not like this.

Lucia gulped, "I'm not ready Amelia!" Lucia didn't know what else to say. "Oh, and when will you be?" Amelia wasn't even looking at her at this point, focusing her attention on the mirror fixing her Lip Gloss. Amelia's eyes narrowed, "What happened to the old Lucia?"

Lucia couldn't believe her ears, was she kidding?! She recognized sarcasm in her voice, but still. She looked at the person standing in front of a mirror, this wasn't Amelia, not a girl she met during reality check camp 3 years ago. The a young rebel who helped her with her anger issues and practically saved her from jue, the girl she fell in love with. Lucia wasn't the issue here,

"No, I didn't change..." she paused for a moment to make sure Amelia was listening. "You are the one who changed Amelia, you..." she inhaled, "you are starting to act like Odalia.."

Amelia stopped for a second, then turned her head to Lucia. Her expression was unreadable. Lucia didn't say a word, she just turned around and walked out of the bathroom.

A tear small ran down her cheek, she quickly brushed it off. Why did she said that? She shouldn't have said that. Her guts clenched with regret. She took a deep breath and entered the classroom.

           __________________

When the classes were over, Lucia went to find Amelia. She wanted to talk with her even though she didn't really know what she wanted to say. Part of her wanted to hug Amelia and apologise for what she said, but other part of her was telling her that Amelia needed to hear it.

The bigger problem was, Amelia was nowhere to be found. It bothered Lucia a bit, she searched all paces she new where Amelia would hangout when she was in a bad mood. The smoking bathroom, locker room, school library, Lucia even behind school, where it was known for drug dealing. Amelia would sometimes come here to smoke weed and clear her mind.

A horrible smell and loud slurs echoing form the other side of an alleyway reminded her, why she stopped hanging out in this place. "God, this place is disgusting!" she said as she was walking through the alleyway.

She packed over a corner to see her friend Winona arguing with some students. She was well known dealer in the school. Lucia was surprised that none of the teachers caught her yet, it's not like Winona put an big effort in hiding it.

She waited till the group disappeared and then went straight to Winona and asked about Amelia. "Nah, sorry girl. This woman you're looking for didn't appeared in this pace for 3 weeks," said Winona casually.

Lucia sagged her shoulders, alright, she messed up, Amelia didn't want to see her, and she is gonna have to accept it.

Winona noticed Lucia's reaction and reached inside a pocked of her yellow coat. "Want some weed?" she asked holding a small plastic bag in her hand. "But it won't be for free!" Lucia politely denied the offer, turned around and walked away.

She looked at her hand watch and released she was late for a lunch. Shoot! Luz is going to kill me! she thought to herself. Lucia mentally prepared for small scolding that she was gonna receive by her little sister. and stared running towards cafeteria.