Broken (MinSung 18+)

Chapter 25

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When Jisung had finished his last video file, he looked over to Seungmin, who's head hung low in his chair as he quietly slept. Jisung smiled softly, and used the small lever to (very) slowly lean the boy's chair back, keeping his hand behind the younger's caramel-colored hair so he could lower it lightly.

He walked over to Seungmin's bed and pulled off the light throw on top of the comforter to wrap it around him, tucking it behind his shoulder so it wouldn't fall easily if he shifted.

As he was leaving, he left a sticky note on the boy's desk that said, "You snore too loud, bitch" even though he hadn't heard a single sound. He chuckled to himself as he grabbed their dishes and quietly let himself out.

When he walked out, he had seen that Changbin, Chan, and Felix were in the living room. Changbin saw Jisung exiting the bedroom and looked outside, where it was fairly dark, and glanced back towards the boy.

"Is he still awake?"

"Definitely not. He passed right the fuck out, so I finished up what he was working on and then covered him up."

Felix looked to Chan and mouthed, "He actually sleeps?" To which both of them quietly snickered.

Changbin nodded, glancing at the door again before turning back to the others, while Jisung made his way into the kitchen for a late-night, caffeine-free kettle of tea. He made sure to prepare extra, so he could bring a cup to Minho, but it was hard to keep his hands from shaking as he did so.

Anxiety started pooling itself itself into his stomach, as if it were an ocean trying to break through a dam meant for a river. He had been pushing it down so hard, that even his legs started slightly shaking as his breathing shuddered in response to the sudden emotion overload.

All I wanted was to bring him some fucking tea. Why? It's not like it'll be the first time I bring something to his room. Fucking calm down. 

Get a grip.

His eyes caught Hyunjin's as the tall male left his bedroom and came down to the kitchen, knocking him out of his trance. One look at his closest friends could temper him, even if temporarily. Maybe it wasn't the healthiest to use distraction as a comfort... but it was better than his alternative.

He knew he couldn't keep all of it pushed down, bottled forever. He would have to talk to Minho. Something... someone would have to give. The more he had been left alone with his thoughts, throughout the day, the more he realized that Minho was worth much more than the justifications Jisung created inside of his head just to avoid talking.

The problem was that, even though he had come to this conclusion, and he wanted to find the courage to do something, he knew himself too well. And in the moment, panic always takes over. His fight-or-flight response had almost always been the same, even if he tried to work against it.

He wasn't sure if he could act on his impulses again without talking, though, because the thought of liking someone-anyone- to the extent that he felt for Minho, had always been a non-option for him. But, with every minute that passed, he simultaneously became more firm and terrified with the confirmation of his well-blossomed feelings. The conflicting emotions and awareness were a lot to deal with.

He had spent so long not being vulnerable. Not relying on others. Not letting others' words or actions have an impact on him. He had learned the strength- no- survival, in silence and stealth. He was normally good at keeping things he felt to himself. Even if he had never experienced genuine romantic attraction before, he realized that it was misguided to believe that he could keep silent about this and pretend it would go away on its own.