𝑾𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑾𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑺 /𝑗𝑗 𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑎𝑛𝑘

𝟎𝟎𝟏.

____________________
𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑺
𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑛𝑒，𝑒𝑝𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑑𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒．
𝟎:𝟎𝟎 — 𝟐:𝟐𝟓
____________________

I ALWAYS wondered what it would be like to step into the ocean and let the currents of the waves carry me away. But not in a like, a weird, self-destructive, I want to drown myself sort of way. Though, admittedly, I had acted upon impulsive thoughts more times than I could count, even similar ways but this one was just an idle idea that I loved to entertain out of pure boredom and curiosity because of course I'd never actually throw myself into the ocean and float towards nowhere, that was impractical.

I just wondered what it was to feel the waves softly tugging against my skin, my body light similar to a feather, and the aroma of sea salt wafting through my nose as I drifted away, wondered what it was to fill my ears with the certain kind of quiet that could only be heard underwater; a silence that felt like the world had stopped spinning on its axis and the universe was holding its breath for a tranquil moment as the white noise of everything ceased to exist.

What it was like to be free.

I could picture how my dark hair enveloped me like a crown of thorns, how the glimmering bubbles tugged on my skin before continuing their path to the surface. I could see the blue sky as the sun rested above me, the clouds watching closely. In that state, I'd imagine it would feel as though I had entered another reality, a universe where my surroundings were just a comforting stillness and it was just me and the water. No pain. No evil. No good.

Just peace.

A dimension where my dad wasn't on and off with me, my mom didn't leave me and which I didn't feel a black hole growing in my chest and swallowing me whole. Then, I wondered what would happen if I drifted a bit too far, what kind of monsters I'd find in the depths of the sea. Would they be worse than the reflection I see each day? I could never possibly know what was out there. The ocean was a dangerous force, especially considering that there was still much of it left undiscovered. I always wondered why we have discovered so little.

Was it the fact we were scared?

Just the thought of that tempted me even more. So, yeah, maybe I relied a bit on escapism to distract myself, I couldn't help it. I was okay with that. I would accept anything that would make me forget that void digging deeper and deeper into my chest and the fact that there was a feeling in my gut that told me that my parents was still in there, even if that meant I had to go missing for them to notice me. Sometimes I think if I did go missing, would anyone realize I was gone?

They would. The Pogues would.

I throw the brunette boy's arm off my shoulder, tucking away the cigarette in my mouth. The warm air fills my lungs as I quickly and deftly scramble up the ladder past the imposing scaffold that surrounds the half-built house. I take a moment to look around, taking in everything that is currently in existence. The sky is unfilled with any clouds, the air is crisp, and it's oddly quiet. I decide to venture further and end up on the roof. I exhale the recently inhaled puff smoke from my lips.