#PUTGEPrologue
"Dad, we know how hard mom is and there's no other way to stop her from that,..." hinihingal kong sagot sa ama at nagmamakaawang humingi nang tulong na pigilan ang aking ina sa kanyang masamang balak na parusa para sa 'kin.
From clean to stained business. I was born in a world wherein I meant to kill people, bad or not, I have to kill them. Not just by killing people but also making dirt money by helping the drug lords in the country to produce more of them, covering up the kidnappers who took human organs to donate to some hospital, and ours needed more of it and they had no choice but to cover up their wrongdoings.
I can still feel the guilt inside me whenever I kill, except for killing the baddest enemies, our own gang that was founded 121 years ago was on the good and bad side. Sometimes we protect but mostly we're not doing it right because we were surrounded by traitors.
"We all know that, Saive. But we are one no matter what we'll try our best to help you get your freedom with no exchange unless someone will dig up on you." Steven said while tapping his fingers on the table, mom walked out because of some business.
"What if we drugged you?" Sage said and Steven's brows furrowed and stared at her with a deadly stare.
"It's fucking risky, Sage. Don't you dare say that in front of me," he rolled his eyes and took the glass of water in front of him?
"You're not the boss here, asshole." she glanced at him at padabog na isinagad sa bibig ang pagkain.
"No cursing, kids." napaayos kami lahat nang upo at nagkunwaring nanunuya.
"If she will ask any of you to kill your own Abuelo, then we do what we talked about last night. But we need to be ready for that,"
"Of course, Dad," Sage said.
"As long as she will stay by my side, she may like it or not she will stay," Steven said and glared at me.
"I'll do it anyway, and honestly I just had to hear her answers and plans in case I won,"
***
"Mère," 'Mom' I drew out a deep breath while everyone was pointing their gun at me, going back to our compound is really giving me a nightmare.
"I want a normal life, I wanna live my life." I confidently told her that.
I have been waiting for this day to come, and I bet my life on this freedom that was so hard to get. The guilt of killing bad and innocent people is slowly hitting me on the inside, helping my parents produce illegal drugs in the country making me a bad girl, but I loved them and now I decide to love myself more.
I'll do anything for my freedom. It may be harmless or not, I will take it because I had no choice and my only choice is to harm myself and I won't...they had to harm anyone and I don't want that.
"S'il vous plaît, votre altesse. J'accepterai les conséquences, néfastes ou non, je le ferai. 'please let me, mama. I will accept the concequences, harmful or not I will do it,' " I kneeled down in front of her even though I know that she hates it, but I have to.
"Es-tu sûr mon amour? 'Are you sure my love?' " she arched a brow, holding a glass of champagne in her left hand, seating on her handmade thrown.
"Yes." I quickly replied and kneeled even lower.
"Je te donne cinq ans, 'I'll give you five years' " she puts down the glass of champagne on her human table.
My jaw clenched.
I laughed in disguise. Well, I wanna live my life, right?
"Deal, what can I do then?" I kneeled back and looked at her in the eye.
"Kill your Abuelo and ask her why you had to live like this," she said with no emotions.
I love my family...but I love myself more than they do.
Fuck.
***
Naghubad ako at tanging itim na underwear lang suot ko. Napatakip ako saglit ng ma-realize na meron pa lang camera na naka-video sa'kin at napaisip bigla ako na normal na pala to samin.
I left out a short laugh when I remembered the night of his birthday we had sex in his room. I look at the camera again as If I'm looking at him.
"You see I still look good right?" I confidently said and laugh again.
I don't know how many times I laughed since the start of the day.
I took the white long sleeve polo and maong shorts. I also wore a tribal necklace and my Dior bracelet and my Hermes sandals to finish the look.
I re-clipped my hair and left some strands on each side. I also applied a light makeup, I just wore my usual lipstick the colourrete ellie muted red-brown shade.
I made a deep sigh as I made the camera my mirror even though there was a bigger one right in front of me.
"How crazy when I'm just supposed to take a deep breath outside yet it takes me a lot of time to prepare," I pretended to look sad but I really wasn't.
More on mixed feelings cause I have felt that today is the day.
Or I may be gone tomorrow.
"But you know how weird I am...well I can say I'm really a weird person you know? I started to think that what if we raised this child together? I can imagine you being busy with work the same as me with my studies and how could we manage our time by that?"
I continued to walk while holding the camera with my right arm.
"I was thinking if I should just quit since I already have my business to provide for our child, or maybe we should just get a babysitter. But I also thought if we get one she may grow up like me and hate their Mama forever," I sadly said and at the same time, I finally found a place to sit.
It wasn't even really that hot, the weather is gloomy and I loved how the song 'Anchor' cooperated with the vibes in this place.
"But maybe time management is a must, right? Maybe we'll make it like actual parents," I said.
"This will be my last message and words for you, my love, you've heard everything right?" I bit down my lower lip and tried to smile but I couldn't do it anymore. It felt like my laughs were rare to show at this moment.
"You're not just a friend to me and as I have always said to you that we're more than that, I don't like you and I don't even like anyone. I don't love you and I don't love anyone too. For me...you're just made for me. You're mine, my love. A gem that I couldn't have forever that's why I don't call this feeling 'love' because...you know what I already know, I don't beg for you to love me back but if there's a chance...can you love me back?"
My whole face was numb and I still tried my best to smile, it did but just kind of a glimpse.
"I love you, au revoir mon amour."
AVRLBNZ
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