“So, how have you been?”
It's been 6 years since the last time I saw her, and her appearance has improved a lot. She's much more professional now. I didn't imagine that this time our paths would cross again and we would bump into each other in a coffee shop. I wouldn't let myself here if I knew.
“My life has been good. How's yours, Remi?”
“It’s Rems, not Remi. Can we please stop with our formal talk? Can we talk just like we used to talk before?” She said it with a bit of annoyance.
But we are not that kid anymore, Remi.
"Has your life been good also?” I asked, ignoring her complaint a while ago.
“Of course, look, I'm a doctor now. I love taking care of kids, which is why I became a pediatrician. How about you? I'm sure you're a great cardiologist na!” She's so childish pa rin hanggang ngayon, that she can't hide it because of the way she talks, even though she dresses professionally.
I didn't, Remi.
“Uh, I walked on a different path. I'm not a cardiologist, I didn't become a doctor. I’m a brand manager now in a company, there,” I said, pointing to the building in front of the coffee shop we’re in.
I saw her stop while she stared at me.
“W-why? Why didn't you pursue medicine?”
“My life choices changed.”
“Really? Kilala kita, this is not the life you have always talked about, Cas.”
You're right, because I can't have the life I have always talked about. I don't have options but to live a life where I need to live even if I don't want to.
“Come on, it's been years since I talked about becoming a doctor. It was only my childish dream, I'm happy with who I am today.”
I heard her take a deep breath before she bowed her head. I can no longer see her face.
“Why didn't you tell me?” She asked while her head was still bowed.
“Tell you what? about not becoming a docto—” She cut off what I was about to say.
“About that boy you always talked about since we were thirteen, you didn’t tell me that he—” I cut what she was about to say because I already knew what she was talking about.
“Everyone is moving on with their lives, Rems. You should, too.”
“How can you say that? We are best friends, Cas. Why did you leave me without telling me about your life and how you feel?”
“Some things are better left unsaid. Remi, you are fine now, and so am I. Don't let yourself be involved with the past now. Just live your life like you used to all these years. Continue living like that. You deserve it all. And by the way, I'm happy to see you again after all these years, and I'm so proud of you for achieving your dreams. Sabi ko sa’yo, kaya mo e.”
“B-bu—”
“I need to go now, Rems. Good luck with your journey, Doc. Continue to help people, continue to walk in a place where your hearts align. I'll see you when I see you.”
I stood up in a hurry and tapped her shoulder before starting to walk away from her. I can feel my tears starting to fall. Akala ko kaya ko na, after all these years, hindi ko pa rin pala kaya.
I'm sorry, Remi. But sometimes walking away is the only thing I can do for myself.
“Please live the life I have always wanted, Rems. Live for me.” I whispered.
But before I could get away from her, I heard the last thing she said, and that's when my tears burst.
“You saved my life, why couldn't I save yours?” I smiled after hearing the last words she said, while tears kept on betraying me.
All my life, I've always been running and hiding, but I'm not expecting anyone to meet me halfway. Being saved is the least I want from people because I have been strong enough to pull myself out of the dark, I can handle myself, and I can save myself.
The thing is that I don't want to be saved,
I only want to be found.
