when we were enemies ~ hyunlix

twenty one

it's been three days now and felix hasn't answered any of my calls and messages nor has he been in school.

I did mess up badly.

I hope he's resting well at home.

what if he's been crying for the past three days and no one is there to comfort him or to make him feel safe.

I feel like my job was to protect him from the cruel world but I failed.

failed terribly.

I didn't go to school yesterday and today because my heart aches every time felix isn't beside me. especially right now.

a piece of a puzzle is missing from me. if I had that piece with me now it would be complete, I would feel complete.

is this how love makes you feel?

this feeling was too familiar.
probably from my past, two years ago and now I experience this feeling again.

why did they have to leave? I am not strong enough to lose another loved one.

I need to stop overthinking every little thing.

my clock showed 02:38 am and I was laying on my bed. I was locked in my room.

I locked myself in, on purpose.

I couldn't escape even if I wanted to.

my mother would come into my room every two hours to check if I was still alive since I wasn't eating or drinking. right now she was asleep so she didn't come into my room.

I grabbed my phone and decided to text minho if he wanted to on a late night walk with me.

minho had been my best friend since we were 5 and 6 years old, he was older than me by a year.

I messaged him waiting for a reply while trying to force myself out of bed. I grabbed the glass of water that was on my desk and chugged it down.

my phone screen lit up and it was a notification from minho. I used the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

I had dark circles under my eyes due to me not sleeping enough for two days straight.

because of someone.

I unlocked my phone with my face ID to look at minho's message.

[minho🐰] yeah, I'll be there in 20.

—

me and minho were sitting down on an empty bench at the park eating ice cream. this was comforting, I enjoyed my best friend's company.

he was always so honest with me sometimes, brutally honest but I didn't mind since that's his personality around me.

"hyunjin why are your eye bags so dark? haven't you been sleeping enough?" minho said breaking the silence.

"I'm fine hyung, I just haven't slept enough for the past two days" I replied eating the last spoon of my ice cream.

I wasn't fine, I needed someone to talk to, I needed felix back with me again. I wanted to rant to minho knowing he would listen to me for hours.

just the thought of felix made me want to cry.

minho offered me a cigarette from his packet and I took one. I didn't want to get back into the habit of smoking but I really needed one right now.

I lit my cigarette and started inhaling and exhaling the smoke. everything reminded me
of him.

that one night were me and him were on my balcony smoking and then when he finished his first cigarette, he wanted another one but I didn't allow him so he went inside my room and used my spare lighter I used for lighting my candles. and then when he came out to the balcony again I took the cigarette out his hand and stepped on it for it to burn out.

and then he was angry at me, the anger didn't last long.

but right now it's the complete opposite.
his anger is lasting for much longer.

does he really not care about me? I wonder if he cares about me like how I care about him. does he see the way I care for him? does he realise that?

if only I had all the answers to my never ending questions.

minho was talking to me about his three cats— soonie, doongie and dori. I saw his cats before a couple of times and they were all very cute. even though I am allergic to cat fur, all I could do was is to take photos of them.

when we both finished talking and smoking out cigarettes, minho and I decided on heading back home now since it was really late and it was also very cold.

I hugged and thanked minho for coming on the late night 'walk' with me. he side eyed me at first but then hugged me back.

(minho's always like that 🥲)

I quickly and quietly entered the house trying not to wake up my mother.

when I reached my room I had a sudden urge to call felix once again. I know he's not going to answer what but what if he does this time.

*ring ring ring*

it hung up, like I was expecting.

I miss hearing his voice and I miss hearing "hi hyunjin" every time I would call him.