Light was running some more, crying his eyes out as he kept on running. He couldn't stop doing any of these two things, really feeling horrible and useless. He felt angry too, especially at this world for hurting him in every negative part of his life that has happened. All the positive parts are now making him feel like he really wants to end it all again. Ryuk flew by and saw Light truly suffering in sadness. He landed on his feet and saw him closer. "Hi, Light." He said, clearly upset but it was hard to tell with his signature grin on his face.
"Ryuk." Light said, looking at him with tears in his eyes and they were also red and puffy. "Ryuk, why didn't you kill me! I asked you to do one job for me and you didn't do as I said so! Why!!!" He sobbed, screaming at the Shinigami as he was furious.
"Light, I told you this and that is if a human chooses to kill himself, us Shinigami will feel bad for whoever that human is. Even I will feel bad if you choose to end your life." He told him simply, clearly angry now.
"Ryuk, you're supposed to be my friend and that's the only advice you have?!" He yelled, sobbing harder and hugged him, feeling horrible even more than ever. Ryuk confronted his human best friend and told him everything will be fine, he just needs to live a positive mindset and a healthy one, that doesn't include ending his life or any more suicidal ideations.
"You're okay, Light. I'm right here, buddy." He softly said, allowing him to cry harder. They both went to a park with a pond and ducks were swimming in it.
"Ryuk, I really am scared that L won't make it alive. I get that his stage of cancer isn't all that bad, but it's making me feel paranoid and terrified. What if he died suddenly and I didn't know? Or I did know and saw it with my own eyes? I'll be alone forever and nobody will want to date a homosexual, because they think I'm disgusting and sinful." Light told him, tears flowing from his eyes again.
"Light, you're not alone in this world. You have me, the Task Force and your family." He said, feeling sorry for him and how much this is all affecting him. Light nodded, knowing everything does happen for a reason but to know that he truly isn't happy and never will be, really shows how much his life has been making him to be in pain and only show that. Perhaps, this was a time for him and L to break up, just until everything gets better for him. But even he knows L wouldn't allow that. The part where they break up. It'll complicate things and it'll also have Light end his life, without saying goodbye.
Sometime later, Light showed up back to the apartment and it was 6 pm. Everyone saw him, including his family. L saw him and placed his hand on his forehead, seeing if he was okay. He was and kissed him. Light looked at him and his face crumbled, sobbing hysterically and closed the door to his and L's room, locking it. He began writing in his journal, while crying profusely.
June 16, 2007
It's official. I hate my life and everything in it. I want this sadness to go away and I really mean it. If I can't be happy, nobody deserves to be around me and I want this whole shit show to be over. I have nobody. Lawliet is my lover, but also my main reason I have to be happy all the time. He truly cares about me and I can't bring myself to feeling this love when all I feel is sadness and brokenness inside of me. I just want this all to end...
I have nobody...
No one...
Only my dark personality...
Gomen nasai, yurushite kudasai (I'm sorry, please forgive me)...
Light then started getting out his razor and was immediately stopped by Ryuk. He happened to show up for the party for Roger and Near and introduced himself to them, then decided to see Light and see how he was feeling this time. He then took the razor and yelled the human. "Are you fucking insane, Light! What is your problem!" He screamed, which never has happened in the four years they've known each other.
"Give me back my razor or I'm writing my own name down on the Death Note!!!" He screamed, searching for the notebook itself but couldn't find it. "AHHHHH!!!!!!!" He screamed and this literally alarmed everyone in the apartment.
"L, I'm scared." Near said, terrified as he looked up at his older brother and held his hand. Ryuk definitely was still grinning, but he was beyond pissed off with Light, knowing he really is messed up as a person and not as Kira. Ryuk definitely knew this wasn't the same Light he met before making the Shinigami eye deal and becoming Kira. He just knew something was wrong and so terribly wrong with his best friend.
"Goodbye, Light Yagami. It was nice knowing you." Ryuk said as he flew back to the Shinigami realm. That same day, Light was in his parents home and sat in the couch at the living room.
"Light, please don't get upset. We are trying to help you." Soichiro calmly said, clearly upset with his son right now.
"Why? So, you can disown me for ruining our family? Is that what you wanted to say, Dad!!!" He screamed, clearly angry now.
"You didn't ruin our family. I was the one responsible for making you depressed and I'm truly sorry for it." He told him, trying to help him with his depression as he knew it was his own fault.
"AS IF!!! You caused me to be isolated more than ever. How else could I have a father in my life, if him starting to not be home all the time anymore??? You really hate us, including me...your only son..." Light sobbed, placing his hands on his face. Soichiro took his glasses off, crying as well and hugged him, rubbing his back and telling him it'll all be okay and continued to confront him. "Daddy, I feel horrible...everyday, I just don't know what to do with myself anymore and it makes me sad." He sobbed, knowing he feels like a failure.
"I understand. Tomorrow, we will talk to your therapist about all these things again and have you see him about three times a week. I'll even be there to support you." Soichiro said, wiping his eyes and put his glasses back on.
"Alright." Light responded, going to his old room and went to sleep there as he wasn't in the mood to sleep with L right now.
YOU ARE READING
Cancer | Death Note
Fiksi PenggemarL isn't feeling so well, vomiting horrendously and it's not looking so great. Watari believes he's just sick and there's nothing to worry about. Turns out, there is something worrisome and it is bad.
