Locked in chains

Chapter 12

"Go to bed Leila, we have a meeting with Marcus tomorrow."

"Ok. Goodnight Cole."

"Goodnight, love."

I head back to my room, as confused as when I tried pineapple on pizza. One moment he's kind and protective with me, ready to die if needed. Other times he's violent and hurtful like you mean nothing to him. You can never really know what he feels or what to really expect. He's such a complex person, even after six years I'm still trying to figure him out. We're not children anymore, and we've changed a lot since then. I'm trying to help and understand him to the best of my ability. The more I spend time with him, the more I think we're the same. We both have difficulties opening up, showing love, and expressing our emotions. We are not so different after all. 

10:00 am

I just woke up after a restless night, the whole night I was thinking about him. What's happening with me? I try not to give too much thought again and get out of bed to go into the kitchen. I grab some eggs, toast, and an avocado to make breakfast. I haven't seen the guys yet, they're probably still sleeping, lazy bums. I eat and clean my plate before heading back upstairs to change into a pair of shorts and a sports top. I need to get some fresh air. The meeting isn't until 1:00 pm, so I have time to go for a run. I put on my running shoes and rush outside.

It's noon when I return from my run, and the guys are finally awake. They're in the kitchen, acting like kids per usual. Some things never change it seems. I head straight to the bathroom and take a shower. Once showered and dressed, I head downstairs for the meeting. Marcus will be there soon, and let's say I'm nervous, considering how he's been treating me lately. I dread what today might bring. Last time he threatened to "make me disappear" if I didn't measure up to his expectations, and I know he isn't bluffing. He never bluffs. The doorbell rings, and the door opens to reveal Marcus and Steven. They greet us before telling us to gather in the living room. I'm surprised to see Steven at this meeting. I hadn't seen him since the soirée, the same night I found out he was Marcus' new second in command. His position is almost as important as Marcus, and we must respect and obey him as well.

"For starters, tomorrow you'll need to go to a new warehouse that we just acquired with the Goldens," says Marcus.

"The other night, Cole and I talked extensively about the different possibilities of growing the opportunities and relations of the Reds. We concluded that we need to expand our clientele if you know what I mean. The best way to do that for now, would be to open new warehouses in different cities and make some allies along the way." Steven says.

"So, I guess we have to stay here longer?" Lucas asks.

"Yes, if we want Toronto's warehouse to work, we need to be present with the Goldens," Marcus answers. Great. I was looking forward to leaving this place and going home, but the trip has been extended. Marcus adds: "There's one more little detail," he pauses for a second and continues, "Leila won't be present tomorrow," he says like it was the most casual thing to say. I must have heard wrong. I'm on the sideline for the mission?

"Why?" Cole rushes to say, clenching his fists.

"She needs to stay home, period," Marcus says sharply.

"It's only for this time," Steven says to lighten the mood. Marcus and Cole look at each other as if they're going to kill one another. The tension in the room is palpable. Steven says something to Marcus in his ear, and he starts looking towards the front door. "Tomorrow, 9:00 am at the warehouse," Marcus says as he leaves the house with Steven, leaving us in a heavy atmosphere.

"He doesn't have the right to do that" Lucas spits out.

"Now is the time to..." Kyle begins.

"SHUT UP!" Cole yells.

"Marcus shouldn't..." Enzo also begins.

"SHUT UP!" Cole screams again. What's going on? Something is not right. I hate not knowing anything and begging for answers, but I need to know the truth now.

"Is he going to kill me?" I say.  Their eyes turned directly towards me. "I haven't performed well on the last missions, and he wants to kill me, right?" They don't look away from my eyes and I can feel sadness from them, except from him, Cole. He looks furious. His jaw is clenched, and his hands are still balled into a fist. 

"No. He doesn't want to kill you." Cole finally says. Despite the anger that he's feeling, I can tell that he's trying to control it.

"So, what's going on?" I say as I raise my hands in the air. They all turn towards Cole as if they need his permission to tell me anything. He moved his head to say nothing, and that made me angrier. "If you don't want to tell me anything, that's fine, but I won't stay here if I'm not part of the Reds anymore, I'm tired of all these secrets."

"Leila, don't say that," Lucas says while he's trying to follow me.

"No! I've had enough."

I head towards the garden to have some space. I joined the Reds to avenge my parents' death, but also because Kyle, Enzo, and Cole had become my family. But I can't accept everything, not when I'm left on the sideline like this. It's been two weeks that they haven't included me in the meetings, they haven't told me important information and they've been keeping their distance. I'm tired of feeling like this, tired of him, tired of the whole thing. 

I put my foot in the pool's water and let myself slide inside it until I'm completely covered up. I'm still dressed but I don't care, I want to feel the cold water under my skin at this moment. I let myself float, enjoying the silence outside and the alone time. Emma's lucky, she still has her normal, peaceful life without murder. I never want her to be involved in this life. She knows about what we do, but not everything, and I want it to stay that way. I'm happy for her and Enzo, but I can't help thinking that one day she might be involved, whether she likes it or not.

"Still in the pool?" says a voice behind me. I turn to that voice and meet him, who's looking right at me. 

"You want a part 2?" I say, raising my arm towards him.

"Ah! Not this time, Leila." He says as he backs up and sits on the grass. "Be careful tomorrow" he adds.

"I don't understand. You're the one going on a mission and you're telling me to be careful?"

"Yeah," he says while getting up from where he was sitting to go to the edge of the pool, and then jumps in it. The whole time, I followed him with my eyes. No matter how angry I was at him, I never stayed mad for too long.

"I thought you didn't want to be in the pool," I say.

"I changed my mind." He says as he moves closer to me, breaking the space between us. He's breathing very slowly and the atmosphere around us has become electric. Every time, since this night, that he comes closer to me I can't help be want more. He's like a virus that I can't get rid of. He's stuck in me, in my thoughts, in my wants, in my desire. "Look at me, Leila," he says, bringing me back to reality. I can sense the desire, the sadness, and the rage all at once while looking directly into his eyes. He seems lost, and I have rarely seen him in such a state. "You know what, love?" he says, raising my chin with his finger.

"What?" I say, lost in his eyes.

"I feel like tasting your lips again tonight." He's running his tongue over the tip of his lips, looking straight at me. The tension between us is graduating quickly. No one ever affected me as much as him. Cole James is making me lose control. My body only wants one thing right now, his lips, his hands, his body, him. 

"Stop playing," I say.

"Why? You think I'm playing a game with you?"

"It feels like it," I say, still looking right at him.

"Well, I'm not."

Hearing it didn't make it more real, but what the hell right? I placed my hands on both sides of his face, holding it, and finally kissing him. Since our last kiss, I dreamt of doing it another time. I know I shouldn't be feeling this and I shouldn't succumb to it, but do I really want to stop myself?