Locked in chains

Chapter 18

10:30 pm

The guys have just come back from their morning mission and for once I'm in the living room. They look surprised to see me on the couch watching a movie. It's not like I've been around much lately. They pass behind me and head to the kitchen. I heard them debriefing about the mission and from what I heard, it went pretty well. I finished my movie before joining them to listen to the details. I've been thinking a lot, and I'm ready to listen to their version. I walk towards them and sit at the counter of the kitchen island. They're looking at me, with an intensity I've never seen before. They're probably waiting for me to start talking, but nothing comes out. I don't even know where to start or what questions to ask them. I can barely face them.

"We're sorry Leila..." Lucas starts.

"We know we should have warned you about what was happening," Kyle says.

"We messed up," Enzo says.

"I should have come to you and helped you escape or hide. I should have done something," Lucas adds.

It's easy to apologize after the disaster has passed. They don't know what I had to endure there, and now there are coming dick's in hand to apologize. They're looking like puppies that I need to scold. I thought I could stay calm asking my questions, but it was impossible. I can't calm down, and I can't keep my anger under control. I burst out a laugh, but it's almost a demonic laugh. I feel my anger starting to take over, and the only words that I manage to come out of my mouth are not what I planned.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Leila, I..." Lucas starts.

"Don't even talk. You're my brother, my blood, my family and you stayed there doing nothing while I was being sold to that man? You disgust me. And you three, you're disgusting me just as much as him. I don't even recognize you. How could you do this to me? All you're saying right now is words, fucking words. It doesn't mean anything to me. You can say your lies to someone who will believe them. That person isn't me anymore."

"We did everything we could to find you" Kyle says.

"I should thank you?" I say full of sarcasm.

"Marcus was going to kill us if we did anything, we didn't have any say in the matter. We had no choice but to wait for the right moment," Cole says with a neutral tone.

He didn't say a word until that moment, and now he opens his mouth to say that. Idiot. I let him comfort me yesterday because he seemed to be feeling guilty and showed me another side to him. Was that all a lie again? He's saying this so casually, without emotions. Is he trying to hide what's going on between us? I'm tired of this shit.

"Do you know the difference between you and me?" I start. "I would have put myself in danger for you, even if I had to give up my life. I would have saved every one of you because I consider you my family, but I got the message. It isn't reciprocal."

I now have tears in my eyes, and I'm clenching my teeth so tightly because of the anger in me, that I thought my jaw was going to break. I can't forgive them, I want to because deep down, I love them despite everything. I don't want to lose them. I just got them back. Why did they do this? Our friendship will never be the same because of it.

"You left me alone with him. I was waiting for one of you. I thought he was lying to me, but he was the one telling me the truth all along."

My voice breaks, I can't speak anymore, and I collapse on the ground. My body can't even support my pain anymore. I feel broken and destroyed at the same time. I will have to live with what happened in the past weeks for the rest of my life. My tears become stronger and more intense every seconds. I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I push it away, screaming to let me go. I don't want anyone near me, and I don't want anyone touching me. My body starts to tremble, and my crying continues. I have trouble breathing and I'm trying everything to stop my shaking, but nothing's working. I struggle to catch my breath on my own, it feels like I won't be able to get another one. I'm still trying to control this anxiety attack on my own when someone's hand touches me.