Heaven

chapter 38: goodbye is the hardest thing I've ever wanted to say

It was still an hour before opening time in Purgatory. In the empty parking lot, a rat clawed at an Arby's wrapper. Inside the club, the employees were getting ready for the night.

The disco ball flickered faint flashes of light on the stage. Blue and green mermaid hair spun like cotton candy around the pole. The DJ was setting up his booth, and behind the bar, Cody was getting ready for the night.

"Does he think the club's already open?" Sina slid into an empty bar stool. He placed his copy of Franz Kafka's The Castle on the counter and looked from the stage to the bar.

"He's been coming in at least two hours early and just," Cody paused to look at the dancer and then shrug, "just spins like that."

'I think he's on drugs," Sina commented.

"I think he needs drugs," Cody chuckled.

"If I ever learn you shared any of your coke with Shmariel, I will return faster than you can say –"

"Arielisacocksucker?"

"You better fucking believe it." 

Cody rested his arms on the bar and frowned. "Are you really leaving?" When Sina nodded he reached out and rested the tips of his fingers on his friend's hand. "I was thinking of taking up that second language," he winked.

"It wouldn't have taken you too long to become fluent in fag you know." Sina smiled. 

Cody shrugged before chuckling. "I'm going to miss you."

Looking dooked down at his friend's hand, Sina knew it was time to move on. Some people he'd miss. Some more than others. "It's been real, Cody." Sina looked up. "Tell Ariel to fuck off once in a while for me, will ya?" Lifting himself off the seat, he arched over the bar and gave his friend a kiss on the cheek.

"Affection?" Cody chuckled. "What's gotten into you?"

Sina gave Cody an impish smile.

"Or should I be asking who?"

Sina slid off the bar stool and then grabbed his book. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Giving his friend a wave, he headed towards the exit. Before Sina gave the old squeaky door one last shove, he paused and looked towards the stage. Upon the wooden floor, Ariel and his mermaid hair rolled around. Sina rolled his eyes and then pushed open the door. He exited Purgatory for the last time and stepped into Heaven.

The walk to Cookie's place was the hardest one he ever made. He knew he'd never be making that journey again. Once he left Heaven, he'd not be coming back. 

Sina knew there were better places and he was determined to find them. With Caleb by his side, he knew this great big world would have a few places where a demon and a Kadisin could leave in peace. Maybe some place by the sea where we could drink cocktails all day and count stars when ghosts of our past try to make us feel shame and guilt. We'll lay on the sand and remember how much we needed to find each other.

He headed up Cookie's walkway and stopped to peek inside the window before knocking on the door. Cookie had said May was out with her gardening club to discuss next year's flowers, but Sina wanted to make sure he wasn't in for any nasty surprises.

Seeing she was indeed gone, Sina knocked on the door. "It's Sina," he murmured before he heard Cook call out.

"Who is it?"

The door swung open and Cookie threw his arms around Sina in a bear-hug. "Why, oh why?"

Sina dropped his book. He tried to bat the weeping Cookie away but he was pulled deeper into the hug. "I'm suffocating! Air! Air!"

"You had to tell me the news over the phone? I thought I'd faint dead away. There'd be no one there to rescue me if I did die you know." Cookie let go and looked at his friend. There were tears in his eyes. "You are a horrible creature for telling me you're going away," he snapped.

Sina shrugged and bent down to pick up his book. "You knew one day I'd leave."

"I never thought that day would come before I was dead in my grave." Cookie sniffled and took a lacy hanky to his eyes. "Oh, babe, I'm going to miss you something awful. But I'm glad things worked out. You and Father Caleb... what a mighty thing."

Sina looked up as his friend dabbed away his tears. "I wish it was happening for you and Travis, too," he said softly.

"Boy," Cookie sniffled. "Where would we go? Ol' Mrs. Cullen would send out the villagers with the pitchforks and torches. Besides, I've got May..."

"One day, perhaps?"

Cookie nodded and commented about his now smudged mascara.

"You still look pretty with panda eyes, Cook."

"Pretty ugly, you mean?"

Sina shook his head and cradled his book against his chest. "Not in this lifetime. Not in any lifetime."

Cookie gave Sina a sad smile.

"Will you give this to Al Jay?" Sina held out the book. The Castle was stamped on the cream cover in a thick brown font. "Tell her to read it before any of her kids decides to dump juice on it."

Cookie took the book and opened it. An inscription in faded black inked the paper. "To Sina – he would have wanted you to have this. Max Brod." Raising a brow, Cookie held up the book at eye level. "Max Brod? How –?"

Addressing his confused friend, Sina said, "The next time we meet, I'll tell you everything." Placing his hands on the book, he lowered it and pushed it gently towards Cook. "Will you give it to Al? Please? And tell her I'll miss the free pie, OK?"

Still looking confused by that inscription, Cookie opened his mouth but quickly shut it. He drew in a breath before he spoke, "I will, babe."

"I'll see you tomorrow before we go." Sina chewed on his lower lip before adding, "At church."

When Cook raised a brow, Sina raised his too. "I'll be in the yard waiting for him."

"Here I thought a miracle was about to happen."

Sina reached out and touched Cookie's arm. "It did. But neither of us needed a building with a cross to have it happen."

Cookie nodded in understanding.

"I got to go. He's waiting for me. We're packing."

"Where will you go?"

Sina shrugged and put on his best Judy Garland impression, "If we walk far enough, we shall sometime come to someplace."

"That's a good enough place." 

"Sure is." 

"He better be good to you." Cookie pulled Sina in for another hug. "And you...you better be good to him." 

"I promise, Cook." Sina's voice floated like a ghost. "I'll miss you most of all, scarecrow." 

"Stop fucking quoting The Wizard of Oz and leave before I break down." 

Sina slid out of Cook's embrace. As he walked down the path, he heard Cookie sobbing. He did not stop. He did not turn. He could not. He knew he'd start crying too. 

* Fun Fact: Saying goodbye to Cookie wasn't something I was sure I wanted to write because it's so sad. But I thought it needed to happen.