Heaven

chapter 27: beautiful

I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? "My mind is in shambles." The images Sina planted in Cal's mind blossomed into thorns and they scratched against everything good he believed in. For one brutal moment, he pondered what it would be like to drain Delores dry and leave her in the forest. But guilt over what he did to Mark came to him like a punch and knocked him back to logic. Thou shall not kill...again.

Wriggling to where Cal sat, Sina reached his hand out to rest the very tips of his fingers on the priest's arm. "Do you feel sick?"

Despite his anger over what he'd heard, Caleb's head swayed pleasantly from the gin. It was a much-needed buzz to take away the bitter taste of the reality he had found in Heaven. "Yes. But not from the gin. I can handle my liquor."

Sina shifted uneasily before clearing his throat. "Caleb?"

"Yes, Sina?"

"Are you surprised someone like me quoted Kafka the other day?"

Cal sighed at his guest. "Are you attempting to distract me from my thoughts?"

"Yah. So? Tell me."

Licking the gin off his lips, he caught Sina staring. "I'm surprised when I hear anyone quote Kafka. I like his works."

A faint reply came from Sina's mouth, "The Metamorphosis?"

Caleb chuckled but it came out like a broken collection of sounds. His gaze caught Sina's. "No. I'm more of The Judgment sort."

Sina smiled. There was a moment they shared right then. It was full of gin and confessions and something more.

"Did this distraction work?"

Caleb shrugged.

"You're still thinking about it."

"It's not an easy thing to push out of your thoughts."

Sina pondered letting his fingers linger a bit longer on the soft material of Father Caleb's trousers, but when Cal looked at him, he balled them into his palm and pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I told you all that stuff."

Cal clasped his empty glass with both hands. His fingers pressed against it angrily. "You haven't done anything wrong. Others have. I'm used to confessions but this..." He opened his mouth to continue but he found that he could not speak. The words anchored themselves onto his tongue.

"Ol' Shaky said it right; hell is empty. All the devils are here." Sina took hold of the bottle and poured some gin into the priest's empty glass. "And most of them attend mass at your church."

"Sina?"

"Yah?"

"Perhaps she will confess one day and I can lead her onto the path of goodness."

"Seriously? Will a confession make the wrong she did right?"

"No," Cal whispered almost inaudibly, "I don't think it will."

"She destroyed two people's happiness and chance at love. Her son's crippled for life. Trav was a cool guy. Genuine. A party animal and really charming. Never said a bad word about anyone. Man, you should have seen him doing all those kick-flippy tricks on his skateboard. Now he's a shadow person with pudding for brains. And Cookie? Cookie used to smile and crack jokes all the time. Know why we nick-named him Cookie? It wasn't so much because of the play on his name but rather because he was so fuckin' sweet and likable. There aren't enough Hail Marys in the world for Delores to say for forgiveness."

In the horror between those words, Caleb listened to the storm growing fiercer as if it had come to destroy Heaven and everything in it. "Sina?" he uttered.

"Yes."

"I'm usually very good with confessions."

"Yah, well maybe you've never heard something like this before."

"True." The confessions he had heard over the years couldn't compare. He had heard about lies, about coveting another's husband or wife, about money laundering. But never violence. He felt horrible but it was not solely because Delores and her husband had been cruel and had done the unspeakable – he, himself, had gone out and murdered a man. Caleb felt he was no better. "Oh, God..." he uttered a painful lament of groans and brought a hand to his face.

"You're kinda worrying me." When Sina placed both hands flat on Father Cal's legs, he didn't care if it was wrong. The need to connect with Caleb was too strong to fight.

But Caleb didn't push him away. Silently, he moved his hand down and rested it upon the other's hands.

"Um...?" Sina's whisper was a phantom breaking the silence.

Father Caleb drew in a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. "Yes?"

"I'm a bit drunk. But I've got a confession."

"Tell me."

"Do you know why I came back that other day? The day where I was standing there with a soaked hoodie and you, uh... came down?"

Cal looked down briefly, his hand remaining on Sina's. "No. Why?"

"I wanted to see you again." Sina felt his hands burn as if Caleb was radiating enough heat to light a fire.

Carefully, Cal asked, "Why did you want to see me?"

Sina bit his lip and then pulled away. "I don't know," he lied. "Never mind."

Cal looked at him curiously.

"You're still thinking about what I said earlier."

Caleb nodded.

"Can I try to take your mind off the Cullen shit plaguing this visit? Like, really make you stop thinking about it?"

"That would be welcome."

"I have a question though."

"OK."

"You said I'm not ugly."

"I remember."

"What am I?"

"What do you mean?"

"Am I pretty?"

It wasn't simply the physical closeness that made Caleb unsure of how to act or what to say. It was something more – a connection that had started at his soul and swiftly moved to his heart. He could have blamed the gin for the way his breath was coming out a bit quicker but he knew that was a lie. It was Sina. "I don't know if you should be asking me that."

"Why not?"

"I may be too honest."

Sina shrugged. "I'm used to it."

Caleb faltered.

"Well?"

"I don't know if pretty is the word I'd use." Caleb tugged at his collar.

Sina frowned. He moved a few feet away from Cal and looked in the direction of the window. "I get it."

"No, you don't." Reaching out, Caleb wanted to touch Sina but he was too far. "Beautiful."

Sina turned. He lifted his gaze to meet Cal's.

"I think you are brutally beautiful and I should not be admitting it."

"Blame the gin?" Sina uttered.

"It would be a sin."

"So, I'm beautiful enough to dance?"

"Beautiful enough to do anything," Cal replied softly. "Beautiful enough to break hearts."

"Do you want to see me dance?"

Caleb felt a blush burn his cheeks. "I don't think going back to Purgatory would be –."

"No," Sina cut him off. "I don't mean in Purgatory. I mean here. Now."

*Fun Fact: Sina doesn't offer free dances...till now.