Heaven

chapter 36: I wasn't ready to let you go

Caleb carried him all the way from the church to his house. Kicking open the door, he brought a still unconscious Sina into the living room and right to the sofa where he lay him down. Catching sight of the armchair where his almost lover had straddled him, Cal winced. "You brought out emotions I have missed."

Cal knelt beside him. He placed his elbows on the couch. Hands touched – steeples for pilgrims to pray. Caleb bowed into his fingertips and asked for some sort of mercy. The remainder of Sina's blood called to him and made him shut his eyes so hard he saw nothing but exploding stars – the way the blood begged and clawed for him to devour it stained the beats of his heart. But by some divine mercy he had resisted.

"Your hand, O Lord, had touched mine. I feel your mercy. I..." Caleb stopped mid-sentence and looked around. God was not there. God had never been anywhere near. Grief washed over him and he felt the need to mourn as one does after the loss of a loved one. "You are not here," he uttered and his voice cracked. "Why are you not here, Lord?"

In the moonlight, wisps of wind caressed the in-need-of-cutting grass and feathered along the dandelions.

Sina opened his eyes and asked in brief confusion where he was.

"Home," Cal replied. "You are here with me."

"I almost bleed to death."

"You should not have come to find me."

"I had to," Sina replied weakly. "You told me to go. I wasn't ready to go."

"I wasn't ready to let you go either," Cal admitted, "But it was for your own good."

"How, Caleb?"

Cal looked confused. "How what?"

"How the fuck did you know what I am? That I'm a... " Sina bit his lower lip. His teeth pulled at it in worry and nearly caused it to bleed.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"You will not like what I tell you."

"I want to know how we got close and then ten seconds later you were telling me to get lost because you knew I was a demon. I have to know. You owe me that."

Without a word, Caleb rose. He stripped off his collar and rested it gently on the table before unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off. Turning, he exposed his back and his wounds to Sina.

Sina gasped. His heart dropped to his toes. "The fuck you're not. It's impossible." Then he added in a whisper. "You no longer exist."

"I am and we still exist," Caleb sobbed as he kept his back turned. "And I am terribly unholy."

"No. No! You're not. You're a fucking liar, Caleb. You're a man. Human. You're not a –" Sina, still dizzy, got up and stormed to him. When he went to grab Cal's arm, Cal turned and grabbed his wrists with such force Sina thought they would break.

"Take a good look at my scars. Every demon knows of every sort of angel in existence."

Sina shook his head. His eyes were wide. "A Kadisin." The words rolled on his tongue in a whisper.

"Yes. I'm a Kadisin. I'm as human as you are, which isn't a lot."

The tears that Sina had held back before, spilled out of his eyes. They rolled down his face and spread over his lips before running down his chin where they leaped to their death. "I don't care what you are. I'm in love with you and if you feel anything about me you should not care what I am either," he whispered almost inaudibly. "I know some may say it's wrong, but having a place for you in my heart feels so right."

"It's unsafe. I could kill you," Caleb said woefully.

Sina swiped at his tears. "I know. Your collar almost did. Remember?"

Cal turned his back to Sina. He felt ashamed. "I don't want to ever hurt you but your blood calls to me and I hunger."

Sina wrapped his arms around Cal's waist and rested his cheek against his back. "I offer it to you. Sacrifice me if it'll make you happy."

Before them, a small iron Jesus rested quietly. His eyes were cast downward, stuck in an eternal sleep. Yet He watched with his heart. He knew. He understood what others could not.

"Tell me you love me," Sina cried softly.

"I love you." Turning, Caleb brought Sina's hand to his lips. A butterfly touch longing for blood and salvation.

When Caleb dug his teeth into Sina's wrist, Sina felt safe. He did not fear death. If he were to go, this is how he'd want to leave – feeling this bliss.

"This isn't wrong. We are not wrong. Our sins are going to be things we carry but if I'm carrying them with you then I'm good." Touching his lips to Caleb's crown, Sina breathed him in. "I want to be with you forever."

Cal felt his own heartbeat hammering in Sina' veins as he fed. A rhythmic thump thump that ebbed within him and mercilessly got louder every time he swallowed. He pulled back and felt Sina's words echo everywhere.

Caleb's lips and jaw were covered in blood. The world became a kaleidoscope of hues. Colours exploded around them. Caleb part his lips. His mouth was trembling. The need to go on feeding was strong and it wailed inside him. But the fallen Kadisin did not continue. He allowed Sina's heart to go on beating.

Cal panted as he fell to his knees, like a canine at the heels of his master.

Sina knelt next to him and Caleb felt fragile arms embrace him.

He could of sworn it was a trick of the night when Sina's lips brushed against his ear, and Cal heard Sina whisper, "For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it to you on the altar to make atonement for your souls; for it is the blood by reason of the life that makes atonement." 

* Fun Fact: I thought a Kadisin loving a demon so much would be sweet :)