Heaven

chapter 19: baptism

The night was a dark, lacy veil with minuscule stars piercing the blackness. There was no rain nor wind; nothing but humidity clinging tightly onto everything around it.

The forest held a murmur—a faded hush of a prayer falling from Caleb's lips that was cast into the grass and leaves. "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. And you forgave the guilt of my sin."

There were feelings of need that had snaked themselves around Cal the moment the stranger in the hoodie stepped into Saint Agatha's yard not too long ago. These feelings had begun in his belly and moved to every desperate part of him.

Caleb hungered but there was nothing that could fulfill him, not even blood. The rabbit he caught half an hour ago had dulled his hunger for food yet the need that he wanted to pull the hoodie-wearing stranger into his embrace remained and clawed at him violently.

It wasn't too long after the young man had left and the rain had finally died down when Caleb walked out of Saint Agatha's and came to the woods to feed and contemplate. An eternal hunger and agonizing thoughts dominated him. He could not shake what he felt. Why am I feeling things for a stranger I've barely seen for more than a few moments?

Under the silent eye of the moon, old twigs cracked underfoot as Father Cal began to run. But the faster he moved, the harder it was to get the dark-haired stranger out of his mind.

When he got to the belly of the forest he found the lake. Caleb fell to his knees and placed his palms on the tall grass. The blades slithered between his fingers as he slid down to lie on his stomach.

In the twinkle of the night, a stray wild flower tilted its head to him. In the semi-shimmer of the moon, it was a dull red, like the blood on Cal's hands, lips, and shirt. When he closed his eyes, he saw the younger man's face hover before him. In the stillness of the night, Cal heard that continuous angst furling and unfurling around the memory. "You are so beautiful," he whispered into the nothingness. "A perfect mistake I will not make. Not like I did with Sam. I shall not fall."

Cal opened his eyes. He rolled on his back and placed his palm on his heart. It had been the first time since he had lost Samuel that he felt this. This thing which made his heart hammer.

The animal's blood soaked the front of his shirt and when he moved his hand, he felt it come up sticky. Father Cal touched his head and groaned. "Cleanse me of all my sins. Oh Lord, forgive my thoughts for someone I do not even know. But I felt something inside me come to life. I long to be just a simple man – free to love whom I choose with no bigotry and no hate. I crave to belong to a time before Father Ambrose and the others found out about Samuel and I. I long to be in a time where everything about the world was good enough as it has been before it all turned into cinders in my hands."

Cal sat up and looked at the stillness of the water. "I don't even know his name yet I felt his soul twine with mine. Does this make me a madman?"

In the distance, a flicker of light played on the horizon. Caleb was sure that somewhere beyond that, the stranger lay in bed – probably asleep. A small ripple on the water's surface pushed him out of his thoughts.

"My Lord holds my hand. And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins."

Caleb walked to the lake. Fully clothed, he stepped inside. The water came to his knees and then his waist. He did not stop until it covered his shoulders.

In his mind, he saw Delores' face. He heard words of hatred spewed forth. Yet this time they were not aimed at Cook. E, but at him.

"I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean."

Caleb recalled the way the stranger had closed his eyes and held his breath when he reached for the hoodie. He recalled the soft scent of rain mixing with old books and sugary-sweet shampoo. There was an instant attraction, like one half of a soul finally finding the other. Caleb felt the spark but also knew that sparks could turn into dangerous infernos if you did not stomp them out.

He held his breath and dunked himself underwater. The blood clinging to him spilled into the lake and created a jagged crown around him. And on each tip of the crooked crown, a blossom of red grew until there was nothing but a vermillion shadow where Caleb once was.

*Fun Fact: Cal's attraction mirrors Sina's purposely. They are two lost souls in need of something more than what they are getting (and have ever got).