Fall

Chapter 13: Cat's Out of the Bag

I walk up to the car that I need to wash for the Sexy Suds car wash. How Caroline roped me into this, I'll never know. That girl wore me down. She calls over to me from her table, giving me a glare. "It's called Sexy Suds, Kara. Shirt off!" I look up at her and sigh, trying to keep my annoyance from my face. I have a t-shirt over my bikini top, and I'm not entirely interested in showing my body to everyone. 

I grip the bottom of my shirt and pull it off, adjusting to make sure that nothing shows. That ends up earning me a "whoop whoop" from Bonnie next to me. We start soaping up the car, moving in circular motions to scrub the dirt from the hood of the car. I roll my eyes and keep working, until I hear the guys from the football team start talking. 

"Finally, some skin from Kara the prude. You're so hot for a virgin!" Tyler shouts at me. Without looking behind me, I send him a middle finger and use my other hand to keep washing the car. I can hear him laugh behind me. Fucking dick. 

Bonnie rolls her eyes in front of me. "What an asshole." I look up from the windshield of the car to see my mom cozying up to Logan. My stomach clenches, watching them flirt with each other. So gross. I scrub harder on a particular dirt patch on the car, trying to gauge how long it'll take before Logan inevitably convinces her to leave me again. I'm sixteen now, should be easier for her to leave than a nine year old. Would it be better if I just pushed her away, make it easier on the both of us? Or spend more time with her, make it really hurt her when she leaves. But that'll just hurt me too. Decisions, decisions. "Are you ok?" 

I look up from the spot I was cleaning into Bonnie's hazel eyes. "Yeah, fine. Why?" I respond, keeping the emotion out of my voice. She looks pointedly at the spot I was cleaning, and it takes me a second to realize I had been scrubbing something that was obviously already clean. "Right." I sigh and press my lips into a thin line, releasing a strained chuckle. 

"Is it what Tyler said? Because he's an asshole." 

Shaking my head at the question, I throw my soapy rag onto the hood of the car. "Nope, he's not who I'm preoccupied with." I look over to where Stefan and Elena are talking, him holding her hands as she dazzles him with her best smile. Though there's something strained in it. I thought they had worked everything out, is something else wrong?

Bonnie walks over to my side of the car, leaning against it and putting her arm around my shoulder. "Oh I see. You've got a thing for Stefan." I try not to react too much to what she said. Damn, am I that obvious? I shake my head with a laugh and yawn, taking that action to think through what I can say is bothering me so I don't actually have to delve deep into anything. 

"No, ew. I don't like Stefan like that. We're just friends. Really, I..." I stop and turn around, grabbing the rag to continue on the side of the car. "I'm just worried about my lungs. I mean, that hospital visit was big. And they've been off ever since. I scheduled an appointment with my asthma specialist tomorrow to see what's going on." That's believable enough. And besides, I do have that appointment. 

Bonnie sends me a sympathetic glance and rubs my arm, going back around to her side to keep working. "Whatever's going on, we'll get through it. Alright?" I nod at her statement, glad I can deter her and get back to working out my problems on something else. I keep doing that, until I see my mom and Logan being all lovey dovey again. God, I really can't stand it. The longer I see it, the more I keep wondering what it was about me that made her leave me behind. Why was I not enough? Was I just not a good enough daughter? Am I a good enough one now, or will my inability to accept Logan right away be fodder for her leaving again? 

I throw the rag into the soapy bucket next to me, wiping my hands on my jeans. "I'm sorry, I can't. I'm...." I need to think of an excuse while Bonnie looks at me like that. "I'm wheezing right now, need to go home." I shrug and walk away, not looking to see if she even believes me. I don't really care right now, I just can't be here. I get to my car and search around my bag for the keys. Why do I have so much junk in my bag? And why am I already crying?