World Behind My Walls (Bill Kaulitz)

3.

Once the door was slammed I was finally able to breathe, Tom and I exchanged a worried look.

"Shouldn't you go after him?"

He waved it off. "He'll be alright. Right now, let's just have fun. How about that fort we agreed on?"

For the rest of the night we all slept in small fort, which resulted in it collapsing more than once and Tom's endless cursing.

Somewhere in the middle of the night while Gustav and Georg was asleep Tom and I laid side by side. "Do you think he hates me?"

He shook his head, yawning. "Absolutely not. Who could ever hate someone like you? Certainly not Bill, he just has his panties in a twist. Safe to say he'll be okay."

I nodded, turning my back against him to fall asleep.

Once the morning hit we all got up to the smell of pancakes. I heard Tom singing loudly with an apron, flipping over a pancake. "Good morning!" He sang once he saw me waking up.

"That smells good." I murmured, rubbing my eyes.

"Made from the best, for you." He smiled warmly, fixing my plate. I got up fully and headed to the kitchen, Georg and Gustav still soundly asleep.

"Thank you so much." I took a bite of the pancake and practically moaned from how good it tasted.

"That was what I was going for! Tom the chef is my new name."

"This is probably the only thing you're good at." He dropped his spatula and gave me a pretend glare.

"You know, you can be rude right."

I waved him off and sat down. "After this I'm going to need to head back home. I haven't fully unpack and I'd like to get it done as soon as possible. Thanks again for the fun night."

"You're welcome." He smiled. "By the way, what are your like plans. Since you're done with school and all."

"Uh, I know I'm not gonna go to school right now. At the time I just want to lay back, get a job somewhere and that's about it. I just came back from another country I'm not leaving anytime soon. If I'm being completely honest though, I really want too."

"How come." He questioned, finish making the rest of the pancakes.

"Well I mean it's pretty obvious, of all the shit that went down. It was awful Tom, and I know Bill wasn't the cause for most of it but it got to me, bad. You seen how I was during those years."

He nods, taking a seat next to me. "I know, I know Amber. You're probably gonna hate me for this but have you possibly consider therapy?"

"Yes, I did back in London. My therapist thought, he was awful. Twisting my words, judging, not letting me speak fully, by the third session I stopped going. It hurt too, because I really want to get better."

"That you will, I have faith in you. It's going to get better, but it's gonna take some time. I'll be here though whenever you need me, if I'm on tour I'll try to call when I'm not busy."

I stared down at my knuckles, slowly popping them one by one. "But that's the thing, since you'll be busy you won't always be available. I can't just rely on you guys to keep my sanity from breaking. I have to find another way and I can't go to mom about this, it will break her heart. Truly it will and I don't want her to think she failed as a mother, because she definitely did not."

Tom saw tears were being formed in my eyes and pulled me into a hug. "I got you, I'm here."

He is right though, therapy is what I need. I hope he understands though that I'm not ready yet, I don't want to talk about all that happened.