Knocked out of course (Girlxgirl)

Chapter 8 - Rollercoaster

Trigger warning: mentions of self harm and suicide

Disclaimer the song used is not my own it's called Tattoos and the artist is Citizen Soldier

Iri's POV

As I walk away towards the small stage I take a deep breath trying to calm my racing heart. "I don't think I've ever been this nervous from singing around anyone much less from just being around them." Feeling my chest fill with air as I rest a hand over my heart all my nervousness slows to a halt. As if the distance between us made it easier to think. "What did that kiss do to me?" Shaking my head I climb the stairs onto the stage where a tall bench waits in front of an old microphone.

There's a very loud silence taking over the bar as all eyes fall on me. I take my guitar from it's cage and adjust it on my knee before slowly allowing us the freedom we both have been craving. 
 A slow melody sings from it before my own voice joins in. 

"Used to pull down my sleeves
Used to put makeup on
So everyone would think
I'm fine and nothing's wrong"

I close my eyes feelings the emotions flowing through me. This lyrics having a heavy and meaningful tone I wanted to do them justice. I lift my eyes to the crowd not focusing on anyone but letting my eyes wander slowly from face to face. 

"I buried all the pain
Used to feel so ashamed
Of all the things I wrote
About myself with razor blades
But I kept holding on
Until the final page
Survive the story
'Cause the ending changes everything"

My eyes turn to our table where my friends are standing some singing along others just taking it in. My gaze finds the green splattered with gold one in the crowd. 

"And now I wear my scars just like tattoos
Because I'm so damn proud of what they put me through
I've learned without a doubt every mark that
Makes you feel worthless, can give you a purpose
And now I wear my scars just like tattoos
'Cause I'm a miracle, every cut is proof
Another chapter written in the story
What couldn't kill me made me something so brave
I wear them like tattoos"

I dropped my eyes to the guitar softly guiding me through. Holding myself together with a shaky exhale I press on.

"I've held my story down
I've swallowed every scream
Thought if I wasn't fake
They'd think that I'm a freak
I buried all the pain
Used to feel so ashamed
Until I learned that you can't change the past
Just choose the frame
So I'll keep writing songs
Until they know my name
'Cause there's a kid out there that's hearing this
That's in that place"

I raise my storming eyes to the crowd. Seeing some people tears rolling as I try to hold mine in. I blink as my feelings threathen to spill over. 

"And now I wear my scars just like tattoos
Because I'm so damn proud of what they put me through
I've learned without a doubt every mark that
Makes you feel worthless, can give you a purpose
And now I wear my scars just like tattoos
'Cause I'm a miracle, every cut is proof
Another chapter written in the story
What couldn't kill me made me something so brave
I wear them like tattoos"

Every breathe I took trembled from all emotions flowing with the lyrics in a pain filled plea. 

"No more dysmorphia, I will not grieve
The darkest days that made a masterpiece
I choose to celebrate what made me me
'Cause a heart of gold, no it don't come cheap
And this heart of gold's one the world will need"