they don't know of your fingers that brand my skin every night/ they don't know of the betrayal that you stabbed in my arteries/ of how i breathed the moment i realized of your treachery/ of how shame overtakes my confidence and death embraces me/ loud ringings of what ifs and gut-wrenching pain that now floods my dreams/ it was easy for you to forget, but your hands still burn their prints.
now every time i see someone i wonder if they went through what i did.
the phantom of your diabolical eyes bore into mine in the darkness of my room/ your voice giving me false assurances still whisper my doom/ you might be a saint, a fucking angel disguised as human for other people/ i tried to label this trauma but got confused/ for girls like me you're nothing but a selfish brute, who snatched what little was left of my childhood. i hate myself for trusting you.
i walk, laugh, sleep, trust, and weep differently because of you.
i shake every time i run into your memories; a teen with no fear of how your actions could traumatise me/ when i'm alone you surround me, draped in the worst of shadows that know no mercy/ i can never be so kind to let you walk away from your sins/ i still remember the small space, that chipped body of the old computer and how i stared at the gif you showed to me/ the sinister glances and the ill-intended stares that i didn't notice.
i can't forget. nor will i ever forgive.
i wish i could slap you for all those times you manipulated me/ i want to claw at your face so my demons are faceless each time they terrorise me/i hope i knew it. God! i hope i could see the crimes you were about to commit/ have i had the slightest clue, i would've saved my pride to resist/ i wish i'd known sooner, i wish i didn't trust you enough, i want to stab your chest and put an end to my tragedy/ if i were on a deathbed, fighting for my life, killing you would be my death wish.
you made me into a monster that i never wished to be, you made me hate an innocent and i became someone i'll hate for the rest of eternity, i don't know how to live with myself after you made me wish for death on an infant.
