Crimson & Clover

Betty: Then, Now & Always

Before I continue I should explain how Betty fits into my real life, the one I've been living miserably in for the past 29 years.  Betty had been trapped in my mind since my earliest memories but she was only a thought, never something that I would ever confuse with reality. One summer everything changed. I could have dealt with the memories that I never experienced or the dreams when I was a little child. What ended up happening to me however was more than I could bear.

When I was a kid my parents sent me to a sleep away summer camp for the first time.  I must have been about 7 or 8.  I had a decent time but mostly I remember this girl that I liked, Wendy. She was cute, but more importantly she was also a girl that I saw myself with forever.  I always seemed to get fixated on that one person, for years, even at the age of 7. I know it's strange but I've always loved women since I was a small child. I wanted to be in a relationship so badly that my heart ached every time I thought about the possibility. I could have made so many girls so happy had they only felt anything at all towards me. Wendy was actually the second girl of my dreams. Maybe later I'll tell you about Elena if she becomes relevant to the story.  

I have many clear memories from that summer.  Wendy's  friend Kathy would throw her clogs at me from the tree house by her cabin. It used to hurt, a lot. She had incredible aim and was evidently quite strong, but that was price I had to pay to get close to Wendy.

My first and only kiss with her was in the tall grass behind the cabins. I remember the look on her face, the excitement knowing that we had both done something new and incredible; or at least I hoped that's how she felt.

Wendy and I were boyfriend and girlfriend for a whole day until my best friend Jeff asked her to marry him the next night at the marriage booth at the summer camp carnival. Hey, so it wasn't meant to be, or maybe the kiss wasn't as amazing for her as it was for me, but that still didn't stop me from being fixated on her well into late fall. I would go to the park by my home everyday somehow thinking that Wendy would show up so that I could express my undying love for her and then she would tell me how much she loved me and we would live happily ever after.  As you would expect she never did show up at the park but one night while I was falling asleep I swear I heard a soft whispering female voice calling me.  I had issues.

"Adam. I'm by the window," the voice spoke to me, so quietly that I could barely hear her; but I did. 
I looked by the window but there was no one there.

"Adam, I'm here for you."

"Wendy?" I asked hopefully, still unable to see anyone. 

"It's not Wendy," she said in a soft voice. "It's me, the one you are meant to be with for all time."

My next thought was that I must be dreaming. There couldn't be any other logical explanation. I looked everywhere in my room for her. I checked behind my door, in the closet, under the bed, but there was no one; and then I felt her. She was with me, as a presence. It's hard to explain but I knew that she was very real.  The feeling of her presence was very soothing, sort of like a parent comforting a child only much deeper.

"Who are you?" I asked, " and why can't I see you?"

"That's too much to explain right now but you need to know that you aren't alone."

"Please tell me now. I really need you."  I started to cry as that comforting feeling started to leave.

"We'll meet again in the future and it will be love at first sight. You are a wonderful person, just remember that and never give up when you go through hard times. "

I took a deep breath and cried even harder. I stared out the window in despair. I wanted her now.  The future is such a long time away.

"What if I need to see you, I mean talk to you? What should I do?"

"I'll always be with you. Just go to a quiet place where you are alone and think of me.  You'll know that I'm with you."

"What's you name?" I asked.

"I have to leave now but I'll be back." And then she whispered, "My name starts with letter B."

"Please don't go," I pleaded. " I need you now.  Please don't leave me. " But she was gone. I felt her absence, but like she promised, every time I needed her she came back.

So there you have it, the beginning of my six year relationship with my invisible girlfriend B. As you might imagine I felt it was natural to assume that Betty was somehow a manifestation in my mind of B.