Crimson & Clover

Thanksgiving at Ma's

When I arrived home, Ma was waiting for me in the kitchen. She always did the same routine when she was angry at me. The front porch light would be off to make me think she was sleeping. The lights in the house would be off as well but as I passed the kitchen she would let me know she was there, sitting in the dark, ready with a list of fifty things she wanted me to change about myself.

"You are selfish Adam," she would tell me. "I didn't raise a brat. Go look at yourself in the mirror. That's not the face of a man who's good to his mother. I didn't go through all of this trouble raising you just to have some loud mouth loafer talk back to me." And then she would end off with the predictions for my future. "You'll never succeed at anything. You know why? I'll tell you why. It's because you're selfish. You only think about what the world can do for Adam. No nice girl will ever stay with you, and god forbid if you ever conned some sweet innocent girl into marriage then your kids will be rotten. You always get what you deserve."

I was expecting pretty much the same sort of speech tonight. Why did we always have to have these talks when I was feeling my best? Even this wonderful night with Betty, she would have to try to ruin. There was no way I was going to let her dampen one of the greatest days of my life. 

I walked past her as she sat by the kitchen table, ignoring the over-sized scotch glass that was now mostly ice, and headed straight for my room.

"And where do you think you're going?" she shrilled with a shaky voice. "You leave me home alone on Thanksgiving and then you just ignore me? Oh no you don't you selfish child." Ma finished the rest of her scotch and then tried to pour herself some more but the bottle was empty. She put it down, angry that she couldn't pry another sip out of it. "I'm you're mother. You're going to treat me with respect."

"You're drunk," I told her as I slammed my bedroom door and leaped backwards on the bed, face up.

"Brad would never have left me alone tonight!"

"Brad hasn't been here for thanksgiving for the past three years. You never made him feel guilty that he didn't come home for thanksgiving."

"Brad had to stay in school for his studies," she yelled back. "Don't you remember? Your brother is studying to be a doctor while your excuse is that you want to get in some poor girl's pants. She's a lucky girl that slut of yours."

Wow, Ma sure had a vile mouth on her when she was drunk. What is it with mothers and guilt? She wants attention, I get it, but I can't live my life for her. It's not my fault that Sue-Ellen couldn't handle it here anymore and ran off to Texas. It wasn't my fault that Brad was stuck in Vietnam, although I'm sure that Ma believes I had something to do with it. Even when the family was together Ma was never happy, not with us and sure not with Pa. No, I would not let her take me down with her. On the other hand, I also didn't have to make her feel bad every chance I got, but when you're young and angry, you don't care about others as much as you should.

Ma knocked gently on my door. "Can we have your new friend over here on Christmas Day?" she asked calmly. Ma's demeanor changed so quickly. Sometimes I was certain that she was possessed by the devil or at the very least schizophrenic. The latter would explain a lot. 

"I'm sure she would love that," I replied but one again I had to push her. "And you'll just love her son. He's adorable."

"Her what?!" she shrieked. "You're a Christian and never forget that! As long as you're living in this house you will never, ever see that whore again! Do I make myself clear?" And the devil was back. I missed the schizophrenic.  I suppose I could have told her that her husband died in the war and cleared that up but I was in no mood to appease ma.

* * *

I pulled up in my Ford Thunderbird at Tom's house. This would be interesting, I thought.

It was nearly two in the morning. The lightless bungalow contrasted with the starry sky. This was my life, I thought. Complete darkness, the closest light millions of miles away.

I rang the bell and waited. After a couple of minutes, Tom's dad answered the door in his robe, very surprised to see me.

"Is everything okay Adam?" he asked. It was obvious I'd woken him up. 

Tom's dad always liked me, sometimes even better than his son. I suppose it's because he appreciated my way with the ladies. Tom's dad had a similar way with them but always had to dampen it in order to avoid angering his wife. It was obvious he missed his youth and tried to relive it every chance he got. He would tell Tom and I stories of his playboy years back in the thirties.  Now he made up for it by hanging out with the stars. I think he was some sort of promoter or something but I was never sure, neither was Tom or his mother.  All we knew was that he left the house after breakfast, came back in time for dinner and there was always enough money to pay for their slightly above middle class lifestyle.  Overall he was a good guy even if he was a bit secretive. 

"Ma threw me out. I was hoping I could stay here for a day or two until I found a permanent place."

"Of course, Adam," he replied. "Stay as long as you need to. You know where the guest bedroom is. Would you like me to wake up Tom?"

"No, let him sleep. We can talk in the morning...Thank you Mr. Davis."

I was sitting by myself reading the morning paper when Tom came into the kitchen wearing his bathrobe.
"Morning," I calmly said to him.

"Morning," Tom replied as if he said it to me every day of his life. Tom stopped, rubbed his eyes, looked at me reading the paper, then at the clock, and finally back at me.

"The Lakers lost to Detroit," I told Tom, looking up at him from the table, "and I read Jerry West was off his game."

"We killed yesterday," Tom replied, "and Jerry West was awesome." Tom stopped the banter as he stared at me. "It's seven in the morning, what on earth are you doing here?"

"Ma threw me out."

Tom's mother came walking in behind him. "She threw you out?" she asked. "Why?"

"She found out about Betty," I answered.

"That nice girl you've been seeing for a while now?" she continued.

I started to tell them about Thanksgiving, how I left Ma alone and how I told her about Billy. Mrs. Davis didn't seem very impressed with me.

"Oh my, I can see why she's angry," she said as she poured me some coffee. "After breakfast you're going home to apologize to your mother. You left her alone on Thanksgiving. You should be ashamed."

As luck would have it Mr. Davis came marching in at that very moment. "He will do no such thing," he said to his wife.

"And why is that?" she asked as Tom and I watched them argue.

"His mother can't tell him who he can date, he's grown up now. Look at him; he's a man, heck he's the one supporting her." Mr. Davis looked at me. "You'll stay with us as long as you need to."

"But what about his mother?" she protested.

"You and I both know she's not playing with a full deck of cards," he replied, "I mean, some of the things we've heard, no one should have to put up with that."

"You heard my husband," Mrs. Davis said to me. "Welcome to the family, however I still believe you should fix things with your mother. She must be feeling so alone right now."

And there it was; more guilt. I can't have a moments rest. Ma's getting to me wherever I am.