Crimson & Clover

The A&W

Have you ever felt that you were compelled to do something very particular, but for no apparent reason, as if your very future depended on that action but you didn't know why? That is how I feel about writing this story. It has to be written. I can only conjecture as to the reason. Maybe it's to give closure to the past or maybe it's to stop the subtle punishments that I have been living with since I was a child.

I feel as though I am only half a person living with enormous potential but without any possibility of achieving a breakthrough.  My mind is full of thoughts that never end up as anything worthwhile. It's as if those thoughts get lost on the way down, like a light that becomes dimmer the farther it gets from its' source. I suppose that is why I love writing. It gives me a chance to lend permanence to those thoughts instead of allowing them to disappear into the unknown. Maybe as I keep writing, the answers will become clearer as I slowly march closer to the source of what has consistently anguished within me.

Telling Big Al that I would be leaving was not going to be easy. He was as close to a father as I'd had since Pa died. Before I had met Betty, he was the only one who ever saw any potential in me. I owed him a lot, but not enough that I would be so foolish as to turn down the opportunity being given to me by Betty's family.

It was a scorching hot day in Orange County. The air had a stale dryness that made it difficult to breath. Is it just me or was the air and sky different back in the sixties? To me the colors in the sixties seemed duller, the sky a lighter shade of blue, the air hazier, and the summers, far warmer than now while today it's the reverse. The colors are brighter and sharper, it's easier to see through the air and while the summers may be hotter today, it doesn't feel that way.  Maybe it's me.

I walked into Big Al's and as usual he was sitting behind his desk at the back of the store counting the day's receipts. By the look of the stack, it had been a good day and I hadn't even been working.

"Sit down son," Big Al said to me as he saw me walk in.

I sat down ready to begin the speech that I had memorized in my mind the entire day.

"How are?" he asked while puffing away on his Marlboro.

"I'm good."

"Terrific. Adam, I have good news for you," Big Al said in a deep booming voice.

"Can it wait for just a moment?" I said. "I have something important to tell you."

"Let me go first. I'm sure that what you have to say won't seem so important after this."

Big Al had peaked my curiosity. "Shoot," I coolly said to him.

"You know that I always felt it was my job to look after you after your father had died, and I believe I've done a pretty good job of it. I mean, look at you. You're making a good living, you have a great car, you seem happy. It's time for you to take the next step in life." Big Al put out his cigarette and leaned back in his chair.

"The next step?" I asked.

"That's right. It's time for you to think about your future or did you want to be a salesman forever?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you," I tried to interrupt but Big Al just kept on talking.

"I couldn't do that to your father. He was a salesman his whole life and I'm sure if he was still around he'd want more for you." Big Al took a deep breath to gather in his thoughts. "That's why I want you and Tom to manage this place and eventually take it over from me."

I was floored. Big Al wanted Tom and I to be Big Al. I suppose it would take the two us to fill his shoes, literally. Big Al saw the look of shock on my face. "I think you're a great kid," he continued, "but I know you could never handle this type of business on your own. No offense Adam but numbers have never been your thing."