beautiful life • billie eilish

[41] look at me when we're alone

Ezra pov

"Ezra", she called my name, but when I didn't answer the first nor second time, her voice turned serious, and the vibe totally changed, "Ezra, you better lock your phone!".

Taking a deep breath, I locked my phone and putted it down on the table. Crossing my arms across my chest, I started to admire the garden, that was now lit up. The pool was shining bright, and Peaches was lying by the edge, calm and collected, totally the opposite of me.

"And look at me when we're alone!", her voice reached me once again. Turning my head to face her, I couldn't help but once again do a thorough inspection of her face. Before she could keep going, I stared her right in the eyes.

"You are all bark and no bite!", I snapped, still staring her down. A kind of confident sensation ran through my body, and like her, I leaned forward, resting my crossed arms on the table, and keeping the eye contact as before.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?", she asks with her wtf face, you know, the one where her mouth is smirking, but her forehead is frowning, and her eyes are wide, like searching for some type of information.

Leaning even more forward, I let her know that "It means that you talk too much, that you always have an opinion on everything, but when it comes to actually do something about the things you say, you don't!", before she had a chance to talk back I added, "Weren't you the one singing about how people should 'show, never tell'? Well, how has that been working out for you?".

"Ezra, I'm not following...honestly, I'm here, aren't I?"

"You're here?", I couldn't help but let out a scoff, "You're not here because of me. Hell, you're not here for me. You never were and you never will be!".

"I've always been there for you! I defended you when fucking TMZ came after you! I defended you when my fans went after you, accusing you of being a fucking predator! What part of that don't you get?", now she was the one getting loud. Our eyes were still locked, and our breaths were totally n sync.

"The part where you say you love me but left me like it didn't matter at all!", I honestly told her, "The part where you said we could still be friends, but then go and leave me hanging, like you always have from the moment that we met!". She opened her mouth to say something, but I didn't let her, my body was fevering and while my brain told me to be more thoughtful and careful about my words, my heart was raging inside my chest. "No, you don't get to tell me shit after everything! From the moment we met, it has always been your way, well guess what Billie! I'm done being a puppet in your hands! I'm done being the girl you can always run back to when you feel like it! Where's your boyfriend? Shouldn't you be with him, instead of being here because of 'me'?".

Getting up from the chair I was sitting on, I once again fill up my glass with wine, and chug it down once more. Grabbing both my phone and my now empty glass, I turn to leave.

"Well. It's funny you mention that! Where is your girlfriend? I don't see her around?", was her own petty answer.

"I don't have a girlfriend.", was the only thing I told her, before going back inside the house.

"Don't fucking turn your back on me now, Ezra Grey! We need to talk!", she yelled after me, following me inside.

"No, we don't! You just want to feel better about yourself Billie, because that was all I ever was to you. A pawn to make you feel loved and wanted. A little taste of heaven because all your relationships were hell!", my body was totally being controlled by someone that was not me. I was vivid, yet at the same time, there was a feeling of emptiness.