beautiful life • billie eilish

[28] fingers crossed

Ezra pov

I don't remember falling asleep! The last thing I remember from yesterday was Billie and I talking about everything and anything that crossed our minds. Laying down in my bed, facing one another with her soft hands playing with my fingers, while the only thing I could really pay attention to, were her full moving lips and her intense, yet bright, eyes when she did glance at me.

Like the last few days, my alarm rang super early!

The first few rays of sunlight were crossing the breach between the curtains, giving Billie this angelic like aura. Turning off my alarm, I try to get out of the bed without waking the sleeping beauty that laid next to me all night. She looked so cute with her hair all spread out in one of my pillows and with her arms hugging the pillow I had laid my head down a few seconds ago as the sounds of little soft snores left her opened mouth. Trying to be careful, I take some sweatpants from my closet, putting them on and leave the room without even putting on a bra under my t-shirt.

Entering the kitchen, I go straight to the coffee machine. It has become a habit of mine for the last few weeks, especially when waking up earlier than normal. I don't know about you, but I can not eat anything right after I wake up! I can be starving but nothing will go down right away!

While I waited for the coffee to be ready, I went on my phone and did some scrolling on Instagram. I was so into it, that when I felt two arms wrap around me, I jumped and ended up hitting my knee on the counter I was leaning on. I couldn't help but let a loud 'Fuck' out of my mouth and behind me I only heard laughter.

"Fuck Billie, stop laughing at me!", turning around so we were face to face, I also couldn't help but laugh, because something about it was so contagious!

"Bro, I wish I could've seen your face!", she said in-between laughs. Even in the morning, with her hair all over the place and her face marked from being pressed into the pillow, she looked truly beautiful and I couldn't help but forget the pain my knee was in and my lips formed a smile.

"What's so funny bro?", she stopped laughing and was only showing a small smile, "Do I have something on my face?", only beauty, I thought to myself.

"Nothing! What are you doing up?", we were facing each other and she was so close to me that her hands were around my waist and her head was on my shoulder, facing my neck and I could feel her slow, steady breaths, which left me feeling some type of way.

"I smelt coffee and you weren't in bed with me!", she explained while leaving a trail of pecks along my neck. I let her know that I had to go to the stables since my dad wasn't here, and her mood went from sweet and sleepy to hype and energetic in a millisecond.

"Can I go too? Can I go for a ride?", she sounded and behaved like a little kid asking all those questions. She even did little jumps, up and down, joining her hands in a praying position, like she was begging me to let go with me. Why is she so cute? Do you imagine me, saying no to that girl? Well... I do, but not today!

***

I had just finished cleaning each individual stall when I went outside of the stable and saw Billie, dressed in some of my baggier clothes, riding Pirate like it was the easiest thing in the world. She looked so carefree. Different than the Billie I saw this morning! She looked so beautiful. In my mind it was like watching a painting of youth and true happiness gaining life, and I couldn't take my eyes off her!

I was so lost in her and in what my mind was processing that I didn't noticed that I had company. "She looks like a pro!", like it happened when Bil did it, I jumped and let out some curse words but soon apologised, "Dad, that's so not cool!". He laughed at me and gave me one of those heart-warming hugs, but not before looking at me like I murdered someone from the curse words I let out!

"I think she's the only one, besides you, that can make Pirate run like that. That horse is something else!", I was still clinging to his side. I missed my parents these days, especially since we had such a close relationship. To me, my parents are the epitome of safety. They are my safe haven, and I can't imagine a day where they'll no longer be here, with me!

"You love her!", when I heard my dad say those few words, my heartbeat increased, my eyes started watering and I could feel a tear leave a trail down my cheek and I could only nod my head, because I felt like if I let those words out, I would full on cry.

"You know, when you love someone all you wish them is their happiness!", he let out, giving my temple a kiss, "I love you Ez and if she is the one that'll make you happy like nobody else can, then I can only be grateful to her for making you feel like that! You're my baby girl! I don't care what or who makes you happy! I don't care if it is a boy or a girl! What matters to me is that you found that somebody, like I found your mum!".

My dad was never the one to express himself like this before. He would say what was on his mind, but he never had this kind of talk with me. He never made me feel bad about something I did or said. He was always supportive of me!

"Do you think we'll work out? She's one of the most famous people in the world right now! She barely has time for herself. How will she find time for me?", I let out in a confession typed of way.

"The funny thing about love is that even when you're far apart from the one you love; you can only think about them. She's young! She's enjoying her life but that does not mean that she does not care for you!", dad said, looking me in the eyes with a warm sile on his face. I couldn't help but feel like maybe, Billie and I wasn't something so impossible. All I had to do was be there for her, when and if she needs me, and fingers crossed she'll do the same for me!