beautiful life • billie eilish

[32] twenty-twenty

Ezra pov

Sometimes, in life, choices lead to complicated and unplanned situations. What can we do, but live in the moment and enjoy it, as long as it lasts.?!

After October 17th, Billie and I continued to call, text, dm each other and I believed that in those few days, our relationship was the highest it could be with us being simply friends. I was pretty happy with that!

Everything seemed fine, until my phone, slowly, stopped receiving her calls and texts, and my Instagram stopped receiving her dm's. All of my texts were left unread, my calls went straight to voicemail and my dm's left ignored.

Then she got nominated for the Grammys. She was pretty much in every news channel for being the youngest artist, at only seventeen, to be nominated for the four main categories – Best New Artist, Album of the Year, Record of the Year and Song of the Year - in the same year.

My inner fangirl was ecstatic for Billie Eilish. Me? I was happy for her, yet I felt like it was an eye opener for me. She was happy, living her best life! There was no need for me to be in it, and she made it pretty clear by ignoring me. Ignoring the friendship, we had only started to comprehend.

So many thoughts ran through my mind, making me question myself but once Billie's Vanity Fair: Same Interview, Different Year came out, it made me take a step back! She looked absolutely beautiful in that video, but most importantly, she looked so happy and once I pressed play, I couldn't help but let a smile paint my lips seeing her acting so carefree. However, once the 'Do you have a boyfriend' and the 'Would you be happy with one' questions came through, that smile started to turn into a frown.

I never knew, and she never told me, about the 'love' she still felt for her ex. I didn't even know that there was an ex! I never knew that she didn't want to be with anyone. I never knew that she wasn't 'in the mood' and that she didn't have her 'eyes on anyone', because last time we talked, she asked me to wait for her!

So... am I supposed to wait for someone that doesn't even acknowledge me? Someone that clearly doesn't care that much, opposed to what I believed she did!

What shocks me the most is how this interview was recorded the day after we made so many promises to each other! So, every conversation, every encounter, my feelings meant nothing to her! It was pretty clear that whatever we had, was not that important to her and that her cutting me off was her way of letting me down easy.

***

While all this fuzz with Billie's career was happening in the public eye, I got more and more into my own shell. I was dancing like crazy, teaching classes left and right and leaving all these internal doubts in the back of my mind.

With the international partnership the studio was involved in, we got more and more attention and soon enough I was teaching more classes and had to give personal, one-on-one lessons in-between. My days were full, and I couldn't be more thankful for it! Not only did it mean that I was making more money and getting my name out there, but it also meant that my mind was so busy that Billie was not crossing my thoughts.

Although my schedule on weekdays was full, my weekends were pretty much spent with either Claudia, who became a huge special person in my life, or my friends.

Even though there was no interaction between Billie and I, Claudia and Finneas still invited me over to their new house. Sometimes for dinner, sometimes to help Claudia with decoration issues and most of the times just for a good conversation and a good glass of wine!

There was never a conversation where they, or I, referred Billie. Of course that once, speaking about the Grammy nominations and how crazy it was for Finneas to be nominated, her named rolled around once or twice, but that was pretty much it. When she went over to their house, I wasn't there and when I was over, she wasn't there. There was a clear separation when it came to distinguishing what Billie and I had and my friendship with the couple.