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liked by maggiembaird, claudiasulewski and 85 316 others ezragreyolsen girls night, every night tagged jeonyuna, minatanaka View all 32 536 comments jeonyuna 🖤 minatanaka 🖤 username1 yes queen, comments are back! 🥰 username2 where's Billie at? username3 why does that matter? username1 they're just friends username4 billie doesn't need her finneas where's my invite at?🥺 cludiasulewski 😂 ezragreyolsen sorry fin, I didn't want you to find it this way...but, you're not a girl, you're a boy. I'm sure Claudia can vouch for that! finneas oh no. I've been lied to all my life 😭 maggiembaird I'm sure we had this conversation before finneas billieeilish 😎
After everything that went down with Billie a couple of days ago, I decided to do a girls night with Yuna and Mina. Not only because I want their opinion on the situation but also because I've been missing them!
We drank wine, watched some films, danced along to some music and talked. Talked a lot about everything related to Billie and me.
"Ez, you have to understand her side!", Mina said to me, after gulping down her first glass of wine, "I know you wanted her to be sure of you two and you wanted her to take the reins of whatever you had going on, but you have to understand that if she is in a place where she's not happy with herself than she will never be happy with you!", her tone of voice was serious, and her face showed me that she needed me to understand and process what she was saying.
"Mina's right! Billie has had some public demonstrations of not liking herself and some of the people she thought that were there by her side, only brought her down and made her feel like she was nothing but an object!", Yuna added, before having a gulp of her wine, "You don't want her to feel like that while she's with you. It's not fair on her nor on you, Ezra! Try to understand her side! Try to see that we'll never understand what she goes through on a daily basis just because she's the 'Billie Eilish', you know what I'm saying?".
After hearing everything they had to say, I kind of understood Billie and her want of, first having a loving relationship with herself, and maybe in the future, she'll have a relationship with me.
I kept drinking and drinking, so I could force myself to send the girl of my dreams a message. Nothing crazy, just to let her know that I know, you know?!
Ezra I need to see you I have to see you I have something I need to say
sent
By the time I did send the message, I was so far out of my mind, that the girls and I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I was wakened up by my mum, telling me 'Ezra, I left lunch for you and the girls on the oven!' and something about not being back until next week.
My parents were going on a romantic couple trip by themselves, for the first time in years. It was nothing crazy, just a camping trip to a farm in Oregon. I tried to convince them for so long before they actually decided to go and do it.
I couldn't fall back asleep, so I went outside, still in my pyjamas, and sat on the front porch, breathing in the air and bathing in the rays of sun on my face. It was the first week of August, so the warmth of the sun, after a while, gave me a burning feeling. In any other situation I would leave, but today I decided to stay there, feeling it all. My mind was trying to punish me for the things I said to Billie. My heart was heavy because I only thought about myself and forgot that in a relationship there's two. So I was kind of punishing myself, by standing there.
"Are you trying to look like a fucking shrimp?", for a few seconds, my eyes remained closed, thinking that the sun had gotten into my head and I was imagining things, "Bro, are you feeling ok?", but when I felt the warmth of the sun disappear, I opened my eyes, and looking up, I saw her.
I tried to look behind her to see if she was here alone, and saw her car parked right there, in my driveway. I must have been really out of it, because I hadn't heard her until she talked to me.
"What are you doing here?", I ask her, after realising that we stayed there, looking at each other for what felt like minutes.
"You texted me!", was the only response she gave.
"Oh, yes... I did.", I didn't know where to look nor where to begin talking, so I looked at my hands and didn't say a word. Billie got fed up with my silence and took a seat, next to me which did not help me at all. I could feel her eyes on me. Her look was intense, and I was scared to turn my face to see hers.
My mind was working so fast, I could feel it going haywire.
"Ezra", she started, "You wanted to talk to me! I'm here, so just talk dude!", she wasn't saying it in an angry way. She was calm. She looked tired. Her hair was up in a messy bun, her face was pale, more than usual, and her clothes did not match as well as they use to.
"I...I wanted to apologise for what I said. About you. I know that you kissed me. I allowed it. I kissed you back. I know that maybe it all happened to fast for you, but it didn't for me. To me, it felt right! I thought that you liked me, otherwise why would you kiss me and why would you invite me to some of your concerts, costly free, and let me hang with you, kissing you, backstage?!", for a second, I couldn't breathe because I had so much to let out that, I was talking miles an hour.
"I'm sorry!", she interrupted me before I could start talking once again, "I like you. I didn't lie about that! I wanted to kiss you, yes! Obviously, I wanted to keep you close to me by inviting you to my concerts, but I started to feel that maybe it was too much too soon!".
What does she mean by that?
"I'm starting to feel good about myself. I'm starting to love myself. I'm starting to feel truly happy! I haven't felt like that in years! I thought that, even though we like each other, it's not fair for you to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't have some sort of safety net, ya know what I'm sayin'?", she was looking me in the eyes, and only looked away once she stopped talking.
"So, what if we stay friends. For now! And once you feel like you achieved that safety net, we can try, if you still want to, whatever it is that we had!", I tell her, taking one of her hands in mine, caressing it, before looking at her face once again, "I just know that I don't want to lose you!", I add.
We stayed there, just smiling and looking at one another. I love to see her smile. I just want her to be happy! I'll make sure this year will be her happy year!
