My Demons

Chapter 35: Faulty Information

Chapter 35: Faulty Information

            I felt so vulnerable crying like that in front of Misaki. True, I had cried in front of him before when Takahiro announced his marriage, but this felt very different. It was a lot more emotional and terrifying; the whole ordeal was, actually: telling the one I truly loved everything that had happened to me that I had been trying so hard over the years to forget. The scariest part was that I didn't know how he would react to the information. It was remarkable how accepting he was of it.

            When we had both finally calmed our sobbing down a little bit, I cradled his head in my hands and wiped away his tears. The action brought about a few new ones, so I wiped those away as well. He raised a shaky hand to my cheeks and did the same to me. We both smiled at the touching act. The whites of his eyes were starting to turn an angry red color from all the crying. I guessed that he had been crying a lot the whole time I was away from him as well. My eyes probably looked the same way.

            "Let's go home," I whispered in a hoarse voice.

            He nodded and we both helped each other to our feet. It was only after we had finished crying that I realized how freezing cold I was and I could clearly see Misaki shivering. Without thinking, I pulled my coat off and draped it around his shoulders. He looked up at me in surprise, then worry.

            "Usagi-san, you'll get cold." His voice also sounded a bit weak.

            "It's just to the car. I'll be fine."

            We slowly walked side by side back across the bridge towards my car. Normally, I would have carried him or at least tried to hold his hand. However, I still had insecurities. I didn't want to do anything that he might not like me to do. The old me wouldn't have cared if he told me he didn't want to do something, whether he meant it or not. But I knew I had to change... for Misaki... for myself.

            As soon as we got in the car, he handed me back my coat and softly thanked me. I cranked up the heat as high as it would go. We silently sat and waited for it to warm up. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see him rubbing his hands together to warm them up. I should have reached over and held them in my own, but I couldn't bring myself to no matter how badly I wanted it.

            When I could feel the heat deepening to my bones, I finally spoke up. "Takahiro told me you were missing."

            He gasped. "Nii-chan?! Oh no! He's probably worried sick! What am I going to tell him?"

            "I can call him and tell him that I found you safe and sound."

            He quietly sighed. "But then, he'll just expect me to go back to his place."

            I couldn't help but want to smile at what he meant deep down. "You mean you don't want to go back?" I was baiting him, but how else would I know what he wanted if he didn't actually say it?

            "N-No! Wh-What I meant was..." He paused and stared at his feet. "If you really don't want me anymore, then I'll go back. I don't want to be a burden to you and – "

            "Misaki," I interrupted. "What if I do want you to stay with me?"

            Part of his face was hidden by his hair, but I could clearly see a blush forming on his cheek. "T-Then, I'll go h-home with you."

            "Do you want to stay with me?"

            "Idiot... Didn't you hear what I said just a little bit ago?"