Are you nervous?

Chapter 13 || James

Her pov:

,, Please stop doing that to yourself!'' he said breaking down into my shoulder. ,, One day you gonna kill yourself like that, Scarlet you not thinking straight!'' He yelled this time. 

It's been one hour since he got there and saw everything I did to myself. He's been crying all this time when he got there and just now starting to calm down. I needed to comfort him so he'll stop crying or else he would still be crying in my shoulder. I felt really bad for him for crying like that with no reason to cry so I just kneeled with him and hugged him tight. He still cried so I started to move my one hand on his back up and down like people do to the babies to calm them down. Now he finally started to calm down. His head was on my chest, I couldn't see his face but I could see his head is looking at the ground. His nose was running but he just wiped with his hoodie. A couple of times I tried to get up to get some tissues but he just didn't let me go. He acts like a baby when he's sad, that's cute.

,, Why are you doing this to yourself, Scarlet?'' He finally spoke... He finally started to calm me by my name and not nicknames. He got up from my chest to look at me. His eyes were so red and tears were all over his face. I felt really bad for him so I hugged him again.

,, Why did you come here, idiot?'' I tried to change the subject, because the reason of it why I do this, I don't know either...

,, Don't change the subject, Scarlet'' he said being finally James. A real, angry James and not a baby crying on mommy's chest.

,, I-I don't know...It makes me feel good'' I said no =t knowing what to say.

,, Good, pain makes you feel good, are you insane Scarlet?!'' he asked.

,, No I mean it distracts me from my mind, I-I don't know why James, stop asking me that, please'' I said without taking a breath. I don't know what to answer to people if they ask me that, I don't know why I do this, I wish I knew.

,, Stop Scarlet, it gonna ruin your perfect body with those little scars...'' He said it. He actually said it. From James's lips came out those words, I could never imagine saying from him. I was shocked, I am shocked now. He said it... He hugged me again tight, wiping my face from my tears.

,, Let me see...'' he said in a gentle, calm voice taking my arm and rolling the hoodie's sleeve up. I took my arm, I didn't want him to see it, I don't anyone to see it, ever. He took my arm again, but this time with force, and rolled up the sleeve. He looked at those red cuts. He got up and went downstairs. I was so confused for a second. He was gone for about 5 minutes until he came back and him carrying plasters, and other products to clean cuts. He got my arm and started cleaning it. I still didn't understand why he cried for me, why he takes care of me so much when I am in trouble. Why, just why? 

He finished cleaning my cuts and put the plasters on all the cuts. He looked at me. I looked away pretending I was watching how he was cleaning the cuts. He smirked at me.

,, You're so obsessed with me, love'' He said rolling my sleeve down.

,, No I'm not obsessed with you, I'm just thinking why are you so ugly idiot'' I said, of course, I was lying, but I couldn't say it to his face.

,, I hate you, love'' He said giving a little laugh with a smirk.

,, I fucking hate you too, idiot'' I replied the same he did. He left through the window after putting things back where they were. Rest of the day I just lay in bed watching TikTok. I tried not to think about Mom or her new boyfriend...  I got finally my first massage today.

James: Get ready for school, love

Me: I did my homework already, dumb ass

James: Do you know what time it is?

Me: Shit it's 1 am

James: go to sleep, love

Me: How do you know I'm awake

James: my secret talent

Me: I hate you really with all my heart

James: ouch.

James: Go to sleep now, don't forget I'm coming to pick you up tomorrow at 6:55 am.

Me: Okay, Okay okay, bye idiot!

1 week ago Cami asked me to accept the offer to drive me to school because it was too far away so I could walk. At first, I didn't accept it, but Cami was too annoying, so I did accept at last.  I finally got up and went to shower. I was in the shower for about 20 min until I realized It was almost 2 am and I'm still showering. I got into pajamas and went to sleep. I turned my phone and started watching some videos to fall asleep. 

On my first night, I finally fell asleep peacefully.

Hi, peaches!! I know this chapter is too short, but I didn't know what to write more about this day. Anyways how did you like this chapter? I hope you liked it, if you did please vote for me. SO in this chapter I actually described my mind about self-harm, also thank you for these sweet comments yesterday, I love you all so so much, I can't even describe it. You literally made my day better when it was yesterday, thank you for that <3 Anyways I hope you have a nice day/night, I hope you all doing well, bye!

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