Hedon

Hedon - Chapter 12

  Malachi didn't expect the feeling of coming home to be so terrible. He always looks back on his time at camp and indulges in the nostalgia, but the second he stepped into the quiet of his house, it felt heavy. He couldn't remember a single good thing that happened in the last two weeks. His mind was replaying all of the bad shit on loop and he froze in the doorway.
  His mom descended the stairs and smiled at him. She walked over quickly and greeted him with a hug. "I missed you! How was camp?" She leaned back and looked up at him, her face falling from joy to confusion. "What's wrong?"
  Malachi chewed on his bottom lip and looked away. He could feel the events of the last two weeks crawling up his throat and stinging his eyes. He really didn't want to cry.
  "Honey, what's wrong? Did something happen?" She asked, holding his arms gently.
  At her touch and her soft voice, the reality of everything hit Malachi hard. He couldn't hold back his tears anymore, so he turned and walked away, clenching his jaw as hot tears slowly fell down his cheeks.
  "Malachi...what happened?" She followed him over to the couch, where they both sat down.
  Malachi rested his elbows on his knees and pushed his hands against his face, waiting for the horrible feeling of crying to leave his body.
  After a few minutes, he calmed down and pulled his hands away, staring blankly at the coffee table. "Um...Nick...he ran off into the woods and it took forver for us to find him and when we did...he was...he was really hurt and there's was nothing we could do and...he...he died."
  "Oh, sweetie...I'm so sorry." She said, moving to rub his back gently. "Did something else happen?"
  Malachi knew his mom could always see right through him. Sometimes it's annoying and sometimes he's just glad that she's here. Right now, he's feeling the latter.
  He nodded to answer her question simply.
  "Do you want to talk about it?"
  Malachi let his vision continuously unfocus as he played through the event in his head.
  Malachi laid in bed, staring up at the wooden ceiling of the cabin. His hand was lifting every half-second with each loud breath he took.
  "I'm so glad this camp is almost over. I can't wait to not smell like dirt and sweat." Caston huffed.
  Malachi lifted his head to see the black-haired boy jumping into his jeans and ruffling his long, messy hair. He propped himself up on his arms. "Have you really had such a terrible time here?"
  "Yes. It's hot and there are more children than possible hookups. It's like hell." Caston said, then pulled a bright orange shirt over his head.
  "You're actually wearing your counselor shirt?" Malachi raised a brow.
  "All of my other shirts are dirty and I cut the sleeves off, so it's less gross now. I'm leaving. Bye." Caston turned swiftly and walked out the door.
  Malachi sighed and fell back onto the bed. He took another minute to simply lay still and slow his breathing before getting up to get dressed.
  Later that day, he found himself missing the days when he was just a camper. No responsibility, no getting up at the ass crack of dawn to wake up a bunch of children. Maybe he's just been around Caston too much.
  Due to it being one of the last few days of camp, the kids were even more reluctant than usual to get out of the lake.
  Malachi, being rather exhausted with the absence of Caston's help, let them stay in the water longer. He walked a few feet away and leaned against a tree, all of the kids still within eye and earshot.
  A few sets of footsteps suddenly came from behind him, accompanied by voices and gentle laughter.
  Malachi kept his eyes on the kids in the lake until his view was obscured by three people. He recognized them immediately. Micah was in the front, and Shawn and Justin, two boys on Junior Varsity, were standing behind him, making a triangle formation.
  Where's your boytoy?" Micah asked, eyeing Malachi up and down.
  "What are you talking about?" Malachi furrowed his eyebrows.
  He tried to ignore how familiar the situation felt. Although they both hated being cornered like this, he kind of wished Noah was here with him.
  "The guys said you're fucking that weirdo Caston. Is that true? Did you go gay on us?" Micah inched closer.
  He realized that Micah wasn't at the bonfire that night and word must've gotten around about him and Caston. People were talking about them.
  Malachi felt his stomach drop to his feet. He felt guilt and disgust coursing through his body. He leaned up off of the tree and glanced at the lake, seeing the kids still swimming around happily.
  Malachi crossed his arms and sighed. "We were all really drunk and just messing around. I don't know what all I said, but I'm not gay."
  "But Caston is, right?" Micah raised his eyebrows slightly.
  Malachi shrugged. "I don't know."
  "Isn't he like your best friend or something?"
  "We're just friends. We're not that close."
  "Yet you kissed him in front of everyone." Micah stepped even closer.
  "I told you, we were all drunk. I don't remember doing anything like that. Whoever said that is probably lying." Malachi sighed, gripping his biceps tightly.
  "Everyone's saying it, Chi. Everyone can't be lying. Be honest..." Micah smirked, "Are you a fag like that freak Caston?"
  Malachi rolled his eyes. "No. I'm not. Now leave me alone, I have to do my job."
  Malachi sidestepped and walked towards the lake, feeling his heartbeat in his teeth. He yelled at the kids to get out of the lake, then lined them all up.
  He lead the line of boys up to the cafeteria, where everyone had already settled for dinner. They sat at their usual table and Malachi glanced around the room, looking for a head of jet black hair and failing.
  The boy's of Hill House were given plates of food and as they ate, Malachi stared at the door, waiting for Caston to show up. He didn't.
  Malachi was relieved when James stood up and said that they were going to watch a movie on the projector outside. Maybe then he could find Caston and punch the life out of him. No, he'd like that too much. Maybe he can accidentally say that he loves him again. That'll fuck him up for sure.
  James took charge after dinner, leading and instructing all of the campers flawlessly. Jade stood next to him and they both lead everyone outside. Malachi took the opportunity and slipped away in search for Caston or alone time to decompress, whichever came first.
  The answer turned out to be neither of them when Malachi was in the bathroom and once again found himself cornered by Micah and his two loyal subjects.
  "It was very rude of you to run away from us earlier." Micah approached him, his arms crossed and his eyes hooded.
  "I was busy. You were rude for interrupting me."
  "We ran into your buddy Caston earlier. He said some...interesting things to us." Micah smirked.
  "I doubt it. Cas hates everyone. Like he'd give you the time of day." Malachi rolled his eyes.
  "He doesn't hate you, though. Weird, considering you say you're not gay." Justin spoke up, taking a step forward.
  "So? Friends don't hate each other. I really don't get why you guys are so obsessed with this. It's weird." Malachi sighed.
  "No, what's weird is your little connection with him." Shawn said with a disgusted expression.
  "I don't have a- look I don't owe you guys shit. Just leave me alone." Malachi sighed, brushing past them and attempting to leave.
  Micah grabbed Malachi's wrist and stopped him. "Oh no, no. Youre not going anywhere."
  "Great, it's high-school all over again." Malachi sighed.
  "Oh, sweetie...this isn't even gonna compare to what you'll go through at school."
  Malachi thought it was kind of pathetic the way they were announcing their intentions like a couple of Disney bullies, but his stupid body was still nervous.
  He's had his fair share of homophobic encounters, most of which happened while he and Noah were close, so he knows what will happen. He expected the slurs and the kicking. He was used to falling to the floor and taking it.
  It felt worse now that he's actually done stuff. Before, he could just brush it off because he always had the mental reassurance that he wasn't what they said. He wasn't gay. He didn't like boys because he'd never been with one.
  He's been with a boy now and he liked it. He was disgusted with himself. He deserves it. He already felt sick, but the constant kicks into his stomach made it worse.
  Malachi tried to tune out everything they were saying, but it was hard when he was already thinking it himself.
  It lasted way longer than he expected. They seemed to have a lot to say and nowhere to be. But it did eventually come to an end and Malachi hated himself even more for wishing for someone to comfort him in this moment.
  Micah dusted his hands off, as if spitting at and kicking Malachi made them dirty. "So..if you're not dating Caston, then you won't mind if we go teach him a lesson as well, right?"
  It was obvious that the boys didn't know Caston as well as Malachi did. He kind of hoped Caston would snap and kill them all. Okay, he really hoped that he would.
  "I don't care what you do." Malachi said, slowly pushing himself up off of the floor
  The three boys left without another word, but Malachi could still see their smirking faces clearly. He stared across the room blankly, wanting to worsen his pain when he felt the urge to cry.
  Malachi blinked away the memory and remembered his mother's question. He couldn't tell her what happened. That would make it real. That would make it seem like he wanted to like who he was. Like he hated people setting him straight. Like he wanted to continue pursuing that lifestyle. And he didn't.
  So he had to go back to what he always did before; what made him comfortable and what made his life easy. Lying.
  "No. It wasn't that big of a deal. Just...Nick and everything." Malachi sniffed, wiping his face. "I'm fine. I'm gonna shower and turn in early. I have school and practice tomorrow."
  "You sure you're fine going back into everything?" His mom asked gently, standing up after he did.
  "What do you mean?" He furrowed his eyebrows.
  "I just mean...after summer break and...everything that's happened these last few months." She gave him a soft, concerned look.
  He knew what all she was talking about. But Malachi lived years of his life comfortably in denial. He wanted, more than anything, to go back to that security.
  "I've worked through everything. I know who I am now and I know what I want to do. I want to play football and graduate. That's all. Everything else is just a distant memory. A summer experiment, if you will. I'm excited to go back to school and to get back to normal." Malachi smiled, then swiftly walked away.