Hedon

Hedon - Chapter 14

  Malachi met Hannah a few days into the school year. He had first noticed her on Friday; the cheerleaders were leaving the field to make way for football practice, after presumably having practice of their own. She walked right by him and smiled.
  She's pretty and blonde and she carries herself with such elegance. She smells like cotton candy. Malachi likes cotton candy. It reminds him of going to festivals with his dad in California. It makes him think of a simpler time; when he didn't think twice about who he was. Now it seems like that's all he does.
  He saw her again that Monday morning. She smiled at him and took the empty seat next to him at the front of the class. He could smell her gentle cotton candy fragrance; it was a nice difference to the stale smell of the classroom.
  Malachi looked around his desk and then turned around to reach into his backpack, that usually hung on the back of his chair, but it wasn't there. He sighed and turned back around, tapping the paper in front of him.
  He leaned towards Hannah, a gentle smile tugging at his lips, "Do you have a pencil I could borrow?"
  Hannah flashed her pretty white teeth and reached into the small bag on her desk, then held up something blue. "I only have pens. Hope that's okay."
  "Yeah. Thank you." Malachi grabbed the blue pen and clicked it. As he started to fill out the worksheet, he realized that it smelled like cotton candy.
  Malachi tore a page out of his notebook and quickly scrawled 'Does everything you own smell like cotton candy?'
  A few minutes later, she subtly passed the paper back to him. Malachi opened it and read 'Why don't you come over after school and find out :)'
  Malachi couldn't turn down the opportunity for normalcy when it presented itself to him so perfectly. He was on the right track to be the typical high school boy that he wanted to be.

  Malachi couldn't pin point when he and Hannah started dating, but by mid September, everyone in the school seemed to know.
  Knowing Hannah has been a wonderfully distracting experience. Malachi genuinely likes her as a person, but the more he's with her, the more he feels like an actor in a TV show. They never hang out alone; they're always at school or with friends or at practice. It all feels fake. Like they're doing it for cameras that aren't there.
  The more he got to know her, the more he realized how sad she seemed to be. She only smiled at other people. She only walked in that bouncy way when people were watching. She only expressed interest in Malachi under the same conditions. Something he also noticed was that she never ate. She almost always had gum in her mouth and she never gave her school lunch more than two pokes with a fork.
  They very rarely ever went to Hannah's house, but when they did, it was strange. Malachi is no stranger to divorced parents. He thought it'd be a common ground they share, since Hannah also lives with her mom. But after his third time going to her house, her mom seemed to be less like Malachi's mom and more like what he heard Caston's mom was like--not that he cared enough to remember, it just stuck.
  Hannah's mom always yelled at her, blamed her for things, and took her little brother's side. Hannah seemed lonely and sad. Malachi almost felt guilty for using her to fix himself. But part of him hoped that if he tried hard enough, he wouldn't be faking anymore.
  He really shouldn't complain, though. It's what he wanted; people to perceive him as normal and happy and content. He doesn't have to do anything that makes him hate who he is. He's not surrounded by temptation or worrying about a part of himself that he's tried to ignore. It really should be making him happy and content being with Hannah and fewling normal. But it's not.
  Malachi had fully thrown himself into football and he was even more at ease with the presence of Hannah. His teammates were making comments about her and their relationship. They were treating him normally and Malachi appreciated it more than anything.
  October had been his favorite month by far. He played a shit ton of football, he went to a few parties, and he dressed up with Hannah for Halloween (they were Rapunzel and Flynn Rider--at Hannah's request).
  He was getting rather good at being a boyfriend. He had a social life and friends. He was able to please and be there for his girlfriend like he always knew he could. He just had to try hard enough.
  Malachi was laying on his stomach at the end of Hannah's bed. His socked feet were in the air, gently bumping against one another. He tapped the eraser side of his pencil against his lips as he reread the same paragraph over and over.
  He flipped the book closed and sighed, rolling into his side. "I can't concentrate."
  "Wanna take a break, then?" Hannah asked, looking up at him from her place against the headboard.
  "I couldn't focus if I tried. And I've tried. So yeah, a break sounds good." Malachi sighed again. He rolled back onto his stomach and laid his head on his arms.
  "The first track meet is tomorrow. Would you maybe want to go?"
  "I don't know. I never really liked track." Malachi said, his voice slightly muffled because of his cheek pressing against his arm.
  "I want to go and support Katie, don't you? You guys are friends, aren't you?"
  Malachi lifted his head slightly. "Katie's on the track team? Since when?"
  "She just joined. Said that they heard good things about her and wanted her to join, so she did. It's her first meet and I want to be there for her."
  "Okay, yeah. Sounds good." Malachi smiled.
  "Can we get back to studying now?" Hannah pushed her head towards him and smiled gently.
  Malachi didn't mean to sleep over at Hannah's. It wouldn't be the first time he did, but it was the first time she harshly woke him up and begged him to sneak out the window.
  "Hannah, your room is on the second floor." Malachi deadpanned, trying to wipe the sleep off of his face.
  "Okay? You say that like I've never had to sneak a boy out of my room before." She said, pulling a rope ladder out of her closet.
  Malachi raised his eyebrows. "Aren't those for like...fires or emergencies?"
  "You've met my mother. This is an emergency. If she knows I had a boy over without asking her and that he spent the night, I'd never hear the end of it. Just please..." Hannah frowned.
  "I don't care to sneak out of a window. In fact, I'm quite honored to. I just want to make sure that you're okay." Malachi said gently.
  "Yeah." Hannah nodded, then kissed him quickly. "I'll see you at school."
  The majority of the day was a blur, after he got a confused look from his mom when he walked in the door as she was leaving for work.
  He felt so stereotypical for it, but Mondays were his least favorite. He had the whole week ahead of him and it felt so tiring and overwhelming. He had the whole week to fuck up. The whole week to make sure he was being normal and to get through the days without looking at or thinking about Caston. It was easy as long as he was busy.
  After school, Malachi found himself at the indoor track, leaning against the railing in front of the bleachers. Hannah was next to him, just close enough for their arms to brush occasionally.
  "I want to go see Katie before her field event." Hannah said, leaning up off of the railing.
  "Her what? I thought this was track." Malachi furrowed his eyebrows.
  "Track and field, Chi. See the green patch in the middle? It's for the field events. I want to know what all Katie's doing before I watch. You can stay here. I'll be back." Hannah said, then walked away and descended the bleachers.
  Malachi glanced around the room, watching as the seats filled and the team warmed up. He wasn't sure how many laps they had to do around the track or really what any of the technicalities were--he honestly wasn't paging much attention. As soon as a completely average looking boy crossed a line, everyone got loud.
  Malachi watched as he ran off of the track and stopped below him and to the right. In front of him was an unmistakable head of jet black hair. Malachi couldn't pull his eyes away. He could just see the left side of Caston's face, but he could easily picture his crystal blue eyes. He could almost hear his voice. Malachi watched with unblinking eyes as the boy grabbed the front of Caston's shirt and kissed him.
  His stomach twisted uncomfortably at the scene. It was disgusting. He hated it. He could almost taste-
  Malachi made himself look away and searched for Hannah's bright blonde hair. He saw her across the room, talking enthusiastically to Katie. He stared at her blankly and then his head slowly turned back to where Caston and the boy stood, only now, there was a group of women standing with them. They hugged the boy and talked to him, wearing big smiles. They seemed like his family. Malachi couldn't look away from the scene. Was Caston...dating someone? Caston doesn't date. Right?
  Malachi could've probably easily explained what he was feeling, but he really didn't want to. He didn't even want to acknowledge it. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and turned around. He texted Hannah a simple Last minute practice. I'll call you tonight
  Malachi didn't call her that night. He needed a distraction. What better to distract him than a fight? Oh how he hoped it would work.
  Luckily for him, Hannah was too often lied to and hurt by people she cares about, so when he saw her the next morning, she approached him at his locker with her arms crossed tightly.
  "What happened to I'll call you tonight? Did you lie? Did you forget? Or was it just a typo?"
  "I really meant to call you, but I forgot. I'm sorry. Practice ran late and I was tired when I got home. I just went to bed." Malachi said.
  "Oh really? Because I ran into Noah after the meet yesterday and asked him why he wasn't at practice and he said there was no practice. So what the fuck were you doing that occupied you so much that you couldn't call me or even send me a fucking text?" Hannah's eyes were upset, but her overall composure was impressive.
  Malachi sighed and looked away, then back to her. "I just didn't feel well yesterday. I didn't want to worry you or anything. I'm sorry. Next time, I promise I'll tell you."
  "You seemed fine at the meet. You seem fine now. Is there something you're not telling me?" Hannah asked gently, tilting her head.
  "I'm sure. I think I was just tired. I really did go home and go to bed."
  Hannah nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry for grilling you. It just seemed really weird."
  "I see how it looked that way. Again, I'm sorry."