greatest desires

Chapter 6

Love is a strong subject.
I don't love.
I want to love, but life makes it difficult.
I want to feel the way some people do, experience the things people in relationships do, I want to feel loved. I want what they have.

But I can't get it.

I sit against the window ledge, reading a romance novel, while the soft summer breeze brushes through my hair.

"I feel his hand link with mine, rubbing his thumb across my wrists, looking at him, I realise. This is love. I love him.

I never thought I'd be able to experience it again, but he makes me feel ways that no one else can, he loves me, for me. I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat, as one hand holds mine, and the other brushes through my bouncy blonde locks.

I deserve him, and he deserves me. We're meant for eachother, and no one else. He's mine. And I'm his. That's how simple it is. We belong to eachother, we're like a lock and a key,
a perfect fit."

I sigh, closing the book and admitting my fate, realising that I'll never get what they have. Jace and grey have gone out on a work trip, so I'm left alone. I'm not allowed to leave though.

There's cameras set up all along the house, all of them linked to both boys phones, so they can keep an eye on me at all times. The only place I don't have a camera is my bedroom and the bathroom, yet the windows are locked, so there's no chance of me getting out.

It's unfair.

Jace can go out whenever and wherever he wants, but me? I'm stuck in this same old house, with little to do. I have no one to entertain me, no one to talk to me, it's just me myself and I.

I wish just once, I could go somewhere other than the cafe by myself, I wish I could feel free without being scared of the consequences.

I know Jace does it for love, he has his reasons. He believes that the world is out for me, that they want to hurt me, and do things to me that no girl should ever experience, but why me? Why would the world want me?

He just wants to protect me, but what if I don't want protecting? What if I want to live my life like every other teenager?

He started keeping me inside when dad got arrested, he'd lock the doors from 6pm, and make sure all the windows were locked too. He's always worried that dad will come back one day, and do what he did before.

But I know he won't, he doesn't care for me, I was just a child, not his child, just one that he had to look after. He payed no interest to me other than when he was drunk. That's when the pain hits.

That's why I hate when grey gets drunk. He's not a good drunk, he's a bad one, a real bad one. He becomes violent and destructive, exactly like dad. And it really sucks.

It sounds childish, but I had the biggest schoolgirl crush on grey when he first came here, he was only supposed to stay 3 days, yet now he's actually moving in, it's crazy how fast things can change.

It doesn't help that it's always him that I bump into. Grey is the only guy other than zac at the shop that I actually know, and zac is handsome, but he's not what I want, but grey? He's handsome, he's strong, and he's so much taller than me, literally everything I'd ever dreamed of. But he's a bumhole. He's rude to me, he'll get a lil freaky with me, then dip and act like nothing happened. He'll hit me when he's drunk.

I sigh, blocking out my thoughts and going down to the kitchen, guess it could use some cleaning. I have nothing better to do.

I turn on the music and hum to the lyrics of honey-pie, it's such a jam, always puts me in a good mood.