Letters

Chapter 15

I woke up, it must have been a little before three in the morning. Frida was deep asleep next to me, even snoring a little. I smiled, looking at her. A single tear rolled down my cheek so slowly. I can't remember a time when I was as happy as this. I loved her, she loved me. It had made me forget everything that happened a few years back.

I quietly and carefully got up, I didn't want to wake Frida. I had to use the restroom very badly. After I did, I returned to the bed, Frida was partially awake.

"Are you alright?" She mumbled, barely awake.

"Yes love." I whispered and lied down next to her. She put her arm around me and pulled me closer. I wasn't able to fall asleep. I had told Frida I was broken up with Björn, but I wasn't. I couldn't figure out how to tell him about us... And the longer I and Frida were together, the worse I felt. I did think he was a nice guy, he doesn't deserve what I'm doing to him. Recently, he told me he loves me, I said I'm not sure if I can say the same and he was very understanding, I felt horrible and I still do. I could just tell him that I don't think we will work out, but it feels wrong to lie like that, he should know the truth. And I'm lying to Frida too. Each day I fall deeper down the rabbit hole. Plus, Björn and Benny had become good friends, they still sometimes meet up and watch sports, go to the bar. So, if I told him about me and Frida, I wouldn't just ruin his idea of me, I'd ruin his idea of Frida, and I'd most likely ruin Frida's and Benny's relationship. I know that Frida loves me... And loves me a lot. But I also know that Benny is very dear to her, and she has her children, who apparently have gotten attached to be Benny. I would be hurting everyone, and I am.

I feel like a really horrible person. I am one.

So I stayed awake, all night, until the birds started singing and the sun shining. I stayed awake until Frida awoke. Though, I did pretend to sleep when she woke up. I felt like I should tell her that I haven't broken up with Björn, maybe she'd understand. Or maybe she would be mad at me and leave me, and I don't want that. I think she's the person I'm supposed to spend my life with. I want to grow old with her, I want to experience life with her. I just haven't figured out how...

Frida sat up and I pretend to wake up. I rolled onto my back and yawned. After rubbing my eyes I opens them.

"Good morning love." Frida said and bent down to give me a kiss.

"Good morning." I smiled as sleepily as I could.

"I'll go out the water on." She said and got up. She was still completely naked, and so was I.

"Do you want a robe?" I asked.

"I'll be fine!" she shouted from the kitchen.

I started at the ceiling. I was thinking about wether to tell her or not. I decided better not to in the end. You know, I'm naked, if she's gonna hit me somewhere out of anger, it'll hurt much more.

I got up and put my robe on. I was so tired, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll take a nap during the day.

I walked into the kitchen and Frida had made coffee for both of us already. I wondered how long I was contemplating about whether to tell her or not, and how bad a person I am.

I sat down at the table and Frida handed me my cup of coffee. It was sweet that she had memorized how I like my coffee, but it was quite simple.

She sat down next to me and started talking. The lying was still bothering me, I stared at the table. I didn't really listen and I didn't answer either. I felt nauseous again. What was wrong with me? Everything went white for a little and then next thing I see is Frida looking over me.

"Oh my God! Are you okay?! You fainted!" she said, looking awfully concerned.

"I-I'm okay... I feel sick." I said and got up.

"Do you have a concussion?"

"I don't know? I don't think so. I feel okay..." I said and stood up. I still felt very sick. I walked to the bathroom and Frida followed me.

"Are you going to throw up?" Frida rushed up to me and held me by my shoulders, I lied, I don't feel okay, I could barely stand. She helped me sit down by the toilet.

In a bit I did throw up. Frida held my hair for me. She probably thought I had food poisoning or something... I hope. After I was done I brushed my teeth.

"I'm taking you to the hospital." Frida said. I walked out of the bathroom and she was going through my closet. She took out clothes for me and put them on the bed.

"Get dressed." she said, picking up her pants and shirt from the floor and getting dressed herself. I followed her orders.

She took me to the ER, rushing inside. I could tell Frida was very concerned about me.

We walked up to the admissions desk.

"What's the problem?" a nurse asked. As soon as she saw Agnetha she seemed to become more concerned.

"She fainted and then threw up." Frida answered before I could.

"She does look awfully pale... I'll have a doctor check on her. What's your name?" She asked, looking at me.

"Agnetha Fältskog."

"Date of birth?"

"April fifth, nineteen-ninety."

"Okay. Sit down there, a doctor will you see you in a bit."

We sat down and waited. I put my head on her shoulder. After about ten minutes a doctor called me in. Frida had to stay outside.

"So, what seems to be the problem?" he sat down at his desk and took a pen.

"Well... I fainted, then I threw up."

"Okay... Have you felt tired lately? Weak?"

"I suppose... Do I have something bad, like anemia?"

"No... I don't think so." He said as he wrote down something, what I could only assume were my symptoms.

"When was the last time you had sexual intercourse?"

"Yesterday..." I answered and he wrote it down.

"And before that?"  He looked at me.

"I... I don't know... Three or four weeks ago."

"I'm gonna need an urine sample." He said and got up. The doctor handed me a cup and showed me to the restroom. I tried to convince myself I wasn't pregnant, I didn't feel pregnant. What if I was? I wasn't.

I peed into the cup and gave it to the nurse that was waiting outside. I was extremely nervous. I couldn't be pregnant. I didn't want to be.

"Your test will be done soon." The nurse said and walked away.

Frida walked up to me and asked what was going on.

"We'll talk about it at home."

"Okay..."

A little later the doctor called me in again in the office.

"Well, the results are in. You Miss Fältskog are pregnant. Now you have a few options..." he started talking, but everything became quiet.

I couldn't believe I was pregnant. Now I will definitely have to tell Frida. I'll have to tell Björn. I'll have to tell the truth, that will ruin everything for me, her, him maybe.

I had no idea how to react...

I'm pregnant...