my little poems x thoughts

22/11/21

im in pain from the amount of times I've seen your eyes in the sky. I can't bring myself to the realisation of how much I fucked up. everywhere I turn there is more and more memories of you, of us. i can't throw out the stuff that you gave me, it's my outlet to what's left of our world. my heart is aching. my eyes are stinging of the tears that you left behind. my stomach is sick with guilt and sadness. my mind is a movie bringing together all the photos and moments we shared. I think of all the times I heard my phone buzz and praying it was you. it's now 1 am and I can't stop thinking about
you I can't believe that a year has passed. and im never gonna be able to hug you, to kiss your lips or hold your hand before I cross the road to the bus stop.I'm never going to be able to look at another guy without feeling like shit. I will never be able to wake up and not wish that you were lying beside me. im never going to chase you around school or make fun of your forehead. im not going to be able to take "bad photos of you" and watch them play in my mind. all the sneaky screenshots we took of each other remind me of how stupid and funny we were. im never gonna be able to watch another marvel movie with our picturing you as iron man. I will never be able to facetime you for hours till we fall asleep. I will never be able to dive into a pool with out remembering the races. i will never be able to dance happily without seeing you in every step I take. ill never be able to listen to the songs we played and listened to together. I will never be able to write another note or draw another giraffe without balling my eyes out. all the sappy, love sick love songs will always bring tears to my eyes for the amount of times the lyrics sunk into our relationship.all the memories of my dreams and imagination wishing for things to happen between us. all the movies we said we would watch together will never happen. all the bits of laughter we shared laughing till we couldn't breathe. you might not even remember. but now i need to tell myself that it's over all the love and kind words of our history all the kisses and hugs of our past.it's terrible to think that it's only been 2 days and i already feel like I owe you. i used to think that our relationship was endgame i thought we were gonna get married but know I know that nothing good will stay forever. this is not a cry for help or desperateness or wanting to get back together. this is to tell you how much our relationship really meant to me through all the fun times to all the toxic shit we went through together. no one will ever understand me the way you did. im so sorry for the pain and suffering I've caused you. i am so grateful for how you made me the person I am today. thank you for the compliments and paragraphs. thank you for being you and thank you for this. no matter how many times you leave me on open or avoid me there will always be a feeling of love.

( I wrote this when I had my first break up I was 13 I believe and girl just shoosh, this is awful but hilarious in my opinion}