Bent lovers- a Chase and Madelyn story (part 2)

CHAPTER 3

Maddie

I walk as fast as I can, almost running through the whole club, many people coming across me.
When I finally reach the door, I get outside, a wave of cold air suddenly hitting my body.

Oh god, I was very drunk.

I try to reach my car and I immediately get in.

I needed to cry.

I needed to cry, but I couldn't.

I was in a battle with myself.

My mind was an unresolved chaos, I had to face it all but I just couldn't.

I am sunk in my feelings, so sunk that I can't not even find them.

Unable to speak, with knots in my throat, I try to talk and the only thing I feel is pain, pain up to my legs, I get dizzy, my chest speeds up and I disconnect.

And that's when I feel peace, disconnecting from everything but my inner memories.

My brain and I were in a loop that I thought had no way out.

All anxiety comes from a fear and I think that my biggest fear was to hit rock bottom and to not be able to get up, not to smile again.

However, I want (or need) to overcome it and drinking is the only way I found of doing so.

-Madelyn come on answer me please- I hear someone say, while knocking at my car window.

I look up a little bit and suddenly see Madison's worried face, oh no, what had I done now?

I open the door slowly, and she immediately takes me out from my car, hugging me so tight that it was getting harder and harder to breath.

-Are you okay?- she keeps asking me, while holding my face with two of her hands.

To say that I was confused was an understatement, what the hell was going on?

-I think so, why?- I ask her, her eyes widening and constantly checking I was completely fine.

-I think you just passed out in your car, your head might have hit the horn and it was constantly sounding, so then almost everyone from the club got out and then I saw you like that and thought that something had happened to you and-

-Bailey it's fine- I say cutting her off- well, it's kinda embarrassing actually but I'm fine, I was probably waiting for the alcohol to come down so that I could drive and then I might have fallen asleep but I swear, I'm fine- I say, this time holding her face with my hands.

Of course I knew I had passed out because an anxiety attack, but I was fine now, or that's what I wanted to believe.

-You scared me bitch- she says, finally smiling- you should have seen Chase, he was almost going to be the one passing out.

-Oh- I say, I thought he didn't care about me- well I'm sorry for worrying everyone.

-It's fine don't apologize- Madison tells me- we should probably head home now ya' know?

-We probably should- I say, getting in on my car.

-Hell na you are not driving- she says, grabbing me from my wrist.

-I promise you I'm finee bails- I complain.

She just ignores me and calls someone, when I hear his name, I feel my stomach dropping.
That kind of feeling you get when you are at the top of a roller coaster.
Except that this time, It wasn't filled with adrenaline.
It was just pain.

I watch him get out of the club, almost running to my car whilst holding her hand.

As soon as he sees that I'm doing quite fine he relaxes a bit, I can see him sighing.

-Oh god Maddie are you okay?- Chase asks me, getting closer every second that passed.

I just pretend that there's nothing wrong between us, since Madison was watching- yeah- I say grinning a bit, putting on the fakest of the smiles.

He just hugs me, which I didn't expect, I really wanted to reject that but, again, Madison was watching.

He kept humming on my hear- oh god, you are fine, oh god- while rubbing my back with both of his hands.

This was probably more reassuring to him than it was to me, but again, I couldn't do anything about it.

-Well guys, Mariah and I are leaving, please Chase take care of her and drive her home- Madison says, as if it was the most normal thing.
What she didn't know though is that, he had no idea where I was living now.

I roll my eyes and I see this as my last chance to convince Madison to let me drive- I already told you I'm fine, I swear it- I say to her.

-You'll be with Chase, it's fine.

And that's the last thing she said before turning around and leaving.
She quickly looks back once and i pull my middle finger at her.

Nevertheless, those words of her really get stuck in my mind "You'll be with Chase, it's fine"

How could I explain to her that everything I thought I knew about him was a lie.
While that's a bit of an over exaggeration, this is how I felt the moment I left him, this is how I still feel about him, this is how I will always feel about him.

Seeing him again reopened I wound I had finally nursed back to heal.
I was in a point where I could just go without crying eveey time I thought of him, well, not anymore though.

These past weeks consisted of me coping with his loss.

However, memories about him, about us, would hit me at random times such as brushing my teeth, reading a book, driving to my parents house...

Anger at myself for leaving him followed right before sadness, guiltiness.
Though the anger was short-lived, I realized I couldn't blame myself, not after everything he had put me through.

But then I would eventually go back to feeling guilt.
I thought maybe I could have done something to make him realize even though now I know better that there's nothing I could have done.
You can't just change anyone's mindset nor actions.

You can't not fix a broken heart.

Though, sometimes, sadness still creeps its way back into my life.

And I still wonder what if we never moved to the lake house? what if I had communicated better with him? What if we never fell in love?

What if...? What if....? What if....?

—————————————————————
Idk why but i feel like i'm writing shorter chapters every time ahhaha so what would y'all prefer for me to update more regularly but with shorter chapters or to update every now and then longer chapters?

anyway i hope you liked this one!! <33

Word count: 1136