The Forgotten Minds

A ticking time bomb

TRIGGER WARNING! this chapter touches heavily on suicidal thoughts and cutting

I woke up in Kayla's guess bedroom with my shoes kicked off and tossed across the wood flooring. I turned to my right to only notice Charlie slumbering in a white wicker chair with no blankets or pillows. His head was tilled slightly to the left, why am I still in Kayla's house? I wonder why he didn't just take me home. I probably did something obnoxiously stupid, this is why I don't drink.

I sat up straight in the bed feeling a harsh pain in my back. That's one of the side affects to having depression, you feel physical pain every morning and horrendous migraines. This time it was ten times worst because I had a beastly hangover.

I stood up feeling slightly dizzy as I walked over to the bathroom across the hall. I opened the door to once again the hideous beast that was me. My eyeliner and mascara was smeared down my face. I looked like a sad panda, was I crying or something? My hair was a complete and udder mess, that's going to be fixed with great difficulty. I twisted the faucet handle and rinsed my panda face off.

I then searched for a brush or comb, anything that can help my bird nest. I found a black brush in one of drawers, I brushed my hair and make it look...okay I guess.

I faced a confused Charlie, he was looking for someone. Probably me. "Good morning" I said in a groggy morning voice, god I hated it. "g'mornin" his accent sounding fairly thick. "Why didn't you drop me off back at my place?" he cocked his head to the side as if he was a confused puppy. He's so cute sometimes....ok a lot of times.

"Do you remember last night?" Charlie said slowly. Shit I probably did something insanely stupid. "Don't worry, you didn't do anything that embarrassing, you just said you didn't want to go home because of your mum, I just laid you down here and you passed out. Don't worry I'm not going to ask about your mum and you only said she's a bitch and that's it, promise" a worried smile appeared on his face. That told me something different.

What if I told him everything, about my mom's drinking problems and my sisters antics. Shit, what if I spilled about cutting. I started to feel anxiety flow through me, this can't happen. I don't want him to know. I don't want anyone to know, I like bottling everything up inside. I feel safer.

I start to notice my hand shaking rapidly from pure fear. My thoughts haunting, I hate this it. I hate life, I hate the things that happen in it and the evil people that thrive and feed off of others pain. Kill me.

I run to back into the bathroom feeling painful tears stinging my eyes. I lock the door and curl up into a ball leaning my back against the white door. Everything is fuzzy, I barely can hear Charlie knocking on the door, I hardly feel myself at all.

I need it. I need that damn blade that is still sitting in my bathroom. I need a distraction, something. I look for the distraction, I then spot a razor for shaving on the catty in the shower. I slowly sit up and walk towards it, as if it was the only hope I had left in me.

I pick it up, I've never done it this way before. I've only used a box cutter but never this. I pulled up my sleeve and look at my arm. I see the band aids falling off. I pick a spot, this time on the other arm. I slid the razor across my boney arm and start seeing the blood flowing out.

I drop the razor and slump against the cabinets under the sink and cry hysterically. "I hate it! I hate me and life! I hate it all.....I want to die!" The banging got louder on the door. "Please open the door Aeron! Please just listen to me!" why would he care, no one does. Not even my own mother.

I stand up and unlock the door. Charlie's eyes are red and puffy like he was crying. I lift up my arm to reveal all of the scars and the fresh cut, all the blood. All the things I did to myself. "I deserved it.....all of it" he instantly hugs me. We slide down the wall still holding each other, I'm crying all over again.

I hug onto to him for dear life crying like crazy, I couldn't help it. I deserve the pain I received. "I want to die" I let the words flow out of my mouth like it was nothing. "Don't say that, please don't say that Aeron" Charlie choked out, I couldn't see his face but I knew he was crying.

" I don't feel anything except anger and sadness. It would be easier to end it all wouldn't it" Charlie hug me tighter. "Please don't leave me Aeron, you mean to much to me" I've heard these exact words to many times and you could see the lie hidden with in each word. I didn't see it in his words if that makes any sense, but that could just mean he's a good lier.

I pull away while drying my eyes with my sleeve. I was about to say something until Charlie spoke "I need you" no one has ever said that to me and meaning it. No, no he can't mean it.

"No one needs me, if I were to die no one would give a shit. Ask anyone, they would probably agree. Especially my parents. Can you believe it? The two people in your who are suppose to love you, care for you and be there for you left me. They packed their shit and left, my dad did it and now I'm just waiting for someone to take mom to rehab or some shit like that. My sister rarely comes to see me because she despises my mother and I do to. We all do. If I die Summer would have Mackenzie, Aurora, Kayla, and even Andy. She would forget about me, I would just be dust collecting in her memory. You would probably fall in love with some girl that's beautiful.....and smart too. Someone you want and love. My sister would probably cry for a little and than just go and fuck her new boyfriend and feel better. My parents would definitely celebrate. It all works out in the end." I said with a straight face and all the tears no longer existent.

"I would die" lies. "No you wouldn't, you would move on" he held my hand intertwining our fingers together giving me that weird fucking feeling again "I would die, I would never move on because I care about you. I'm not going to say anything some shitty therapist would say about how i'll all get better. Fuck, I don't know what else to say because.....I love you".

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Well fuck that was sad, cliff hangers are the best-lily