A New Step

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My arms were still rested on top of Charlie's shoulders, I don't know why but this moment that I'm thriving in makes me feel as if I can only feel one emotion, blissful. I want to stay here and pretend as if I have no problems and all the grim people in my life were nonexistent. 

This is how I feel when ever I'm with him- god I sound cheesey, this isn't like me, but it's true. I want to stay like this, I think I'm falling back in love with him. Before I just liked the idea of us being together but this is different, I like the idea, the feeling, the emotion, just the connection of us. It's weird, I don't think I've ever felt like this before, I kind of like it.

"The song is over" Charlie stopped dancing and now we were a giggling mess.

"Good observation" I gently slid my hands so the cupped his neck which his actions followed by him tilting his head so our foreheads were touching. "were so weird" he whispered. "Then lets be weird together".

***

We were sitting on my red sofa with my favorite movie on-bless the child. I curled my knees to my chest while resting my head on Charlie's shoulder with our hands intertwined, he was still wearing a sweater that was hiding the scars that I knew were embedded within his wrists. 

I wanted to talk about it, why he wanted to start cutting himself again. I don't want him to hurt. 

"Charlie" I turned my head up so I was looking at his brown eyes, I uncurled my legs so instead they were folded and facing him. "I-I don't k-know if I s-should ask t-this but the other d-day I saw y-your wrists, y-you don't h-have to t-talk about it if y-you don't want t-to. I w-was just c-curious, I'm so s-sorry to ask t-this"

 I was so afraid he might be upset or sad that I would bring this up, I hate myself. He hates me too I bet. He looked back at me and gave me a small smile that was riddled with sadness, I could see it so clearly as if it was glass.

"I started again, I guess I was so upset about losing Laurie that I went back to my old ways of coping with things, which is taking it out on myself....so I did. You probably think that I'm crazy or something for doing this over a girl. The scars and cuts look bad, trust me I know" His gazed moved from me to his lap.

I thought his scars were beautiful, they showed me how strong he is, the fresh ones just make me think of all the times I could of been there for him. I wanted to show him that I thought his scars just reminded me he's strong. 

I raised his with mine and used my other hand to pull down the sleeve of his sweater, he was still looking down. I gave his scars a soft kiss holding it for a few seconds before I pulled away and set our hands down, I directed my gaze to his face that was already looking at mine. "There beautiful, each scar shows how brave you are. You didn't kill yourself, you made it out of that dark scarier place and now that I'm here I want you to show you're bravery through these old faded scars. The fresh ones show me all the times I could of been there for you and I wasn't, I am now Charlie. I want you to know that" I smiled at him to reassure him that these words are ones I meant.

He started to lean in closer to me and I did the same. He kissed me the way I kissed his wrists, softly. He placed his hand on my neck while I placed my arms loosely on his shoulders letting my hands dangle behind him. 

We started smiling stopping the action, I opened my eyes to look back at his while our foreheads were touching, "We got weird together, just like you said" he whispered looking into my eyes smiling. "What can I say, I'm just really good at guessing". 

"Indeed you are" he said kissing me again. I felt safe like this and I know why this time. I loved him.

We broke apart still riddled with with joy from the action we just committed. "That was my first kiss"

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