Maybe This Time

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO: HAPPY THOUGHTS

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO: HAPPY THOUGHTS

Thunder rolls ruthless. With cold hands and stiff legs I made it to the pantry where I huddle with the coach and chant words of courage inside my head.

"Think of happy thoughts Vanna, happy thoughts..." I keep on whispering to myself, I've got this phobia about thunder and lightning, the fear I thought I have overcome when I was still in New York but since the incident in my home when I almost got raped and all, all the hard work about conquering this vanished.

"Happy thoughts..." I said in a trembling voice, my whole body is shaking and I got this unsettling feeling that just won't go away.

"Happy thoughts." I opened my eyes at the sound of the voice, "Why are you still here?" he asks,

Isn't obvious that your girlfriend is having a phobia attack and that she's shaking and unsettled? I mean ex-girlfriend.

"I-I'm just waiting for the rain to subside, I'll leave as soon as possible." What's with him and his employees extending office hours?

"Then why are you huddled like that on the couch?" I turned to face him, but I still clutch my knees to my chest, "Its cold..." his face is impassive, I feel a pinch of pain in my heart, he doesn't care anymore? I control my trembling hands by squeezing my legs tight, it's painful but it helps.

Nonchalantly, he walks in and sits beside me, he looks tired and still smells good, when his arm rubbed with mine it ignited something inside me, making me want to cling to him and never let go, but I control myself, I know for a fact that I am still a bad shot to him so I remained silent and just intent my head on my knees, I can feel his arms sprawled on the back rest of the sofa, how I miss resting my head on his shoulder then he'll kiss my forehead saying everything will be okay....

Damn I missed him so much...

"Why are you still here?" I asked in a choppy voice, but he didn't reply so I lift my head and look at him.

"Because my employee is still here." Ouch. As in capital O-U-C-H. You are only an employee to him, wow... that fast huh?

"I'll leave soon Sir, I'll be fine." Thunder rolled again, making me shiver which I failed to hide from him. The sting of the pain is still poisoning my blood stream when I feel his warm hands touch my arm, it's as if it defuses the trauma out of my body, I let my body follow his hold and he rested my head on his shoulders, wrapping an arm over me, protecting me... I closed my eyes because the simple act of comfort eases the tension that is in my system.

I let him pamper me. The rain just keeps on pouring, as if enjoying our 'platonic' situation. I badly wanted to touch him but controlled myself from doing so; I don't want this comforting bubble he created to burst. I still don't know if he's doing this because he misses me or just because he knows about my phobia and just being a compassionate boss.

His warm breathe is uneven, it fans my cheeks, defusing more the panic that have consume me. I think he's staring at me because I feel being stared at but I just let him. I don't want this to end. His fingers trace the contours of my face making me open my eyes and look at him straight in the eyes; his eyes are its usual deep gray hue, but it's sad and has a hint of longing, the moment my hand touch his cheek, he closed his eyes and sighed heavily inside. I know he's finding this situation hard to just be vulnerable to me,

"Are you still mad at me?" I whisper the words as if someone will hear us,

"Yes."