Ego Sickness: The Archives.

Bonus Chapter: AMTSC:R: Confession

On the morning of May 10th, Ryan had gone downstairs to find Lewis in a terrible state. The young man seemed so incredibly terrified, as though the presence of Ryan alone was causing him distress. Why? What had made him so fearful?

Perhaps this bonus chapter will explain.

- Red

<=o=O=o=>

The golden glow of the morning sunshine was just starting to creep through the bedroom curtains of 602 Apple Wood, within the Enchanted Village accommodation of Alton Towers. The dawn was often considered a symbol of hope, shedding its light on a new day where the troubles of tomorrow were a distant thought, and the worries of yesterday were a distant memory. However, for Lewis, trouble and worry were all he had on his mind. The glimmer of sunshine would have normally been considered calming and warm, but now it only served to deepen the dread the fuelled the young man's stress induced sickness, for it reminded him that the moment he had been fearing was drawing closer and closer.

Having been sat on the end of his bed, with his elbows resting in his knees and cold, trembling hands tightly gripped together, Lewis let out a shaky, anxiety ridden sigh in a poor attempt to subdue his rising nerves. Checking his phone for the umpteenth time that morning, the Englishman watched the clock on the screen's display tick over to 6AM. Gulping down the lump that had formed in his throat, Lewis closed his eyes and let his head hang low. "You've got this," he whispered to himself, words hardly louder than a breath. "You can do this. You've got to do this..."

With a quiet huff of exertion, Lewis pushed himself off the bed, momentarily swaying unsteadily on his feet. After the incredibly eventful end to yesterday's evening, in which Lewis had to be helped by his friends to leave the amusement park's renowned, "Roller Coaster Restaurant," the group had convinced the young Englishman to go to bed early in an attempt to recover. Lewis had genuinely tried to follow their advice, and for a short while managed to sleep, but he was soon interrupted by yet another string of night terrors; an all-too-common event that had been occurring more and more frequency with each day. At midnight, the young man had awoken, his body shaking, his skin sweating, his eyes streaming, his mind reeling from the nightmares that had violently dragged him to consciousness. With all the events of the past few weeks of his life slowly building on one and other, whatever was left of Lewis' tolerance and perseverance had finally toppled, and at that moment he had decided for certain that today would be the day he would finally confess to his friends.

Throughout his YouTube career, Lewis "Dawko" Dawkins had been an incredibly strong advocate to all of his fans in regard to speaking out about their mental health. He had held many charity streams in aid of various mental health charities, educating people on the topic as best as he possibly could. He would explain to his viewers how it was okay to not be okay, and that vulnerability didn't equate to weakness. Time and time again, Lewis would emphasise how asking for help from friends, family or professionals was in no way a sign of cowardice and didn't imply that they were unfit to deal with their own problems. On the contrary, it showed great strength and courage to open up to others in such a troubled and sensitive time in people's lives. Lewis would often explain how there were people who would care about you, regardless of who you were or where you were from or what troubles you were facing. There were people who would care, and people who could support and guide you. Even if the people you spoke to didn't know how to help, simply speaking to them in the first place was often a great start to healing and recovering.

His own advice had echoed throughout his mind, Lewis' own anxieties deafening their words. The constant worry of people not understanding what he was trying to explain, or even worse, judging what he had to say would silence any attempt that his logical and rational side would try to convince him to speak to someone, anyone, at all. Time and time again, his fears would eat away at his confidence, presenting to him countless scenarios in which the worst could happen, such as being ignored, being scrutinised, being rejected, being mocked, being abandoned... but no more would he listen to them.