Him

New Band.

No one asked why I was wearing a long-sleeve. Alex already knew. He always knew. "Can we talk, Ari?" Alex asked me when I came out of my room. "Yea" I said lightly and I followed him up the stairs to his room. His room was similar to mine, just darker. 

I sat down on his bed and he joined me. "Did you cut?" He asked lightly. "Yes." I said. "Can I see?" He asked in a soft tone. I nodded my head and rolled the sleeves of my shirt up. I showed him my wrists and his face dropped. "Ari, you can't keep doing that to yourself." He said in a soft and caring tone. "I know," I said and then continued, "I know, but it feels so good in the present. I just wanted to feel something. I was disgusted by myself because of what happened earlier. I felt like I couldn't rid myself of his touch and then I was like 'fuck it' and I grabbed a knife and cut." I said and looked down at my hands, I didn't wanna make eye contact with my brother. I didn't wanna see his disappointed face. "Ari. I understand. I wish you would talk to me when you have those thoughts, y'know? I can help you not want to, I just need you to talk to me." His voice cracked at the end. I knew he hated when I hurt myself. He was protective over me. I protected them half the time, but if anything or anyone hurt me he would murder them. So what hurts him when I cut is because he can't protect me against it and we both know that. 

I grabbed his shoulder and said "How about this? Everytime from now on, when I think of cutting, I'll come to you." I said in calm tone. He nodded his head and smiled his smile. He didn't look like anyone in this family when he smiled. His eyes wrinkled and his smile was huge. It was adorable. I hugged him. "I broke today." I whispered. He nodded knowing what I meant. "Where?" He whispered. "In the shower. Like before anything happened. I screamed and then I broke into tears." He nodded and he understood immediately. I pulled out of the hug and he said, "Listen when I broke down earlier, can we forget about that?" He asked, like I knew he would. I smiled and nodded. "Thanks, Aria." He said and smiled a light hearted smile and I smiled back. "From now on, whenever we come to each other with something we can't tell mom, we won't forget about it and it'll just stay between us. Yeah?" I asked because I didn't want to have to keep forgetting about our bonding moments, even if it was in a weird situation. "Deal." He said and we did our signature handshake. "Alright now get out of here loser." He said and I walked out laughing. 

As I walked down the stairs my grandma called my name and told me to come here. I inhaled sharply and walked over to her. She was a very proper lady. She wore business uniforms and heels and always kept her hair up in a bun. I guess it makes sense since she owns a business. She always sat with her legs crossed like a proper woman. Sitting near her made me feel like a man. "Sit please honey." She pointed to the chair that was across from her and my mom. I sat down and immediately man-spread, making myself comfortable. She just looked at me, not knowing what to do with me. I sat up and crossed my legs not wanting to upset her. "So, I heard about your murder charge and I can clear that from your name." I looked up at her and my face must've been priceless because she smiled and continued "I'm a lawyer dear, I can clear any past crimes from your name. If you let me, of course." I didn't know what to say. Obviously I wanted to say yes, but I felt like it was wrong asking my grandma to be my lawyer. "I'll have to think about it." I said and smiled. She warmly smiled back at me. "Well, that's all loveys. I'm going to bed. Night my dears." She smiled and kissed both my mom and I's heads. She walked off to her room and shut the door. My mom opened her arms for me and I got up, walking over to her and cuddled into her arms. It was comforting really. "You wanna smoke?" My mom asked and I nodded my head, getting out from under her arms.  

We lit a cig and we inhaled at the same time. I leaned against the tall marbled pole on the porch taking another puff of my cigarette. "I have to clean your cut in a second mom." I told her. "Yes, I know. When we're done smoking you can clean it." She said and smiled at me. I smiled back, happy we were both finally safe.