The day we fell.

chapter 20: finding yourself is the way to live.

Lucy' POV:

It was so good being back together. We laughed with each other just like we used to. Tom and I were together again and it was great! A few things do seem off, though. Tom seems different. He seems more distant, sad, and angry, but we got rid of the anger. I needed to talk to Tom. "Can you give us a few minutes? I need to have a quick talk with Tom. Privately." I asked, Jace nodded and walked away. I walked over to Tom, who was leaning over a lake, looking at his reflection. I put my hand on his shoulder, but he flinched, clenching his fists, but once he realised it was me, he eased up. "Are you ok, Tom? You seem different as in, sad, distant, and angry. Are you ok?" I asked. Tom gave out a sigh. "I've done horrible things, Lucy. Horrible horrible things. I've killed people, innocent and unarmed people. I didn't want to. They forced me to with that serum thing." Tom replied, looking more and more sad with every word. I opened my mouth to comfort him, but he continued. "I didn't just kill them but I slaughtered them, like fucking animals. Cutting off limbs and heads." Tom continued actual tears in his eyes. "And on the anger thing, here" Tom handed me a folder. 

The folder stated that the serum has begun to fuse with cells in Tom's brain, meaning he is normally alright, but when he gets angry, he gets very angry. "I'll never be the same. I'll still be forced to kill even though the people controlling me are gone. " A tear rolled down his face, which he quickly swiped away. "What do we do now?" I asked. "I think it would be best for me to go away for a little while, just for a week or so just so I can see if my anger is still to a killing level, I don't want to hurt you guys, plus I just need time to think about what I've done" Tom replied, staring at the water. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and he then placed his hand on my hand. "Whatever you feel like you need to do Tom, we will always be here, so come so come back when you're ready," I reply. "If I don't come back within 2 weeks, either assume my anger was too dangerous or I'm dead," Tom stated. I began to tear up. 

Tom stood up and grabbed his gear and machetes. He held the machetes in his hands, stared at them, and then put them in his sheaths. We all gathered together for a temporary goodbye. "I promise I'll be back in a week, I just need time to think and to assess my rage," Tom stated. "It's okay, dude, take your time," replied Jace. Tom turned to Jace, "Take care of Lucy for me, okay?" Tom asked. "Of course, dude," replied Jace. "Thank you." Tom shook Jace's hand, but then we all laughed about it. Tom turned to me. "Tom, I'm going to -" Tom pulled me in and kissed me. "I love you, Lucy. More than anything, " Tom stated. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him in, and kissed him again. "I love you too," I whispered. We said our goodbyes, and Tom wandered off into the distance. "We might have to wait a little bit longer to all be together," I stated. "But he will be back. He just needs time," replied Jace. "We won't have to wait long," I said. "No, we won't indeed.

As I watched Tom walk away from us, a wave of mixed emotions crashed over me. Part of me understood his need for solitude, his desire to assess the lingering effects of the rage serum that had consumed him. But another part of me felt a pang of sadness and worry, missing his presence by my side. Tom was my boyfriend, and despite the challenges we faced, I couldn't help but long for his return. Jace, despite promising Tom to keep me safe, seemed unfazed by Tom's departure. They shrugged casually as if it didn't matter at all. It was hard for me to comprehend how they could remain so indifferent, knowing how much Tom meant to me.

 But I reminded myself that Jace had never seen eye-to-eye with him, and their disdain for each other was a constant source of tension, as well as Jace's gnawing fear that Tom will take me away from him too. Being left alone with Jace reminded me of the old days, just a mother figure and her son spending time together while the days stretched out before us like an endless void. We spent our time fortifying our hideout, scavenging for supplies, and remaining vigilant against the encroaching threat of the undead. Jace taught me how to use his mini chainsaw and enjoyed seeing me get spooked by the noise each time. I also enjoyed it when we fought together against the hordes of the undead, it felt graceful and organised- two things I've been known for. There were many moments of shared laughter and mother-son bonding, but an unspoken tension hung in the air, a reminder of Tom's absence.