Dead to me // 13rw

My tape

A/n: TW - mentions of rape.

Hey, it's Hannah. Hannah Baker.

The summer holidays were coming to an end and Jess was having a party. It was sort of a welcome back party.

Because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically why my life ended. And if you're listening to this tape.. you're one of the reasons why.

Me and Monty were going to arrive early and help Jess set up.
'Hannah, you coming to Jess' party?'
'Maybe I'll drop by..' She looked different. Her hair was shorter. But not only that, the smile in her eyes had gone.
'I love the hair. You ok?'
'Yeah I'm fine.' She weakley smiled.
'Ok..'

You were drunk. You didn't know what you were doing. Welcome to your tape my dear sister.

'Y/n! You made it!' Jess hugged me. She was already a little drunk.
'Hey Jess! What do you want me to help with?'
'Uh you and Monty could bring the beer out the back!'

I arrived at the party to find you drunk. Typical. That's how I usually find you these days.

'Hannahhh!' I slurred my words. 'You made it!'
I tripped and fell onto Hannah.
'Woah, Y/n. Don't get too drunk like usual.' She laughed.
'Come outside! Lets play beer pong pleeease.' I pulled her arm and dragged her towards the garden. We were walking and bumped into Justin.
'Oh shit sorry Justin.' I made eye contact with him but quickly looked away.
'Well well well look who decided to show up.' Jess came in and put her arm around Justin and kissed him.
'Uh I'm gonna leave.' I left Hannah to go and find Monty.

-----time jump-----

Loads of people were sat in the living room playing suck and blow. I was sat on Montys lap on the floor.
'Wait, wait, wait, I wanna play!' Jess came in dragging Justin along with her.
'Clay move up' I laughed.
'You guys playing?' Jess asked Clay and Hannah.
'Uh no..' Clay said.
'Whatever.' I grabbed the card off Sheri and started playing.

I didn't feel invisable that night. I was happy.

'Come on, I could use a refill.' Hannah got up from her seat and Clay followed.
'Where are you two lovebirds going?' I laughed, my arms around Montys neck.
'No where.' Hannah rolled her eyes.

How did I end up in that bedroom? That's another story.

'Jess and Justin get a room!' Monty yelled at them. They started laughing and walking up the stairs towards Jess' bedroom.

Justin, you left her alone that night. But someone else didn't. She was drunk. You left her unconcious. He entered the room. You tried to stop him. You didn't try hard enough. He raped her. I knew who it was. You knew who it was. Yet you did nothing.

'Monty where are you?' I had lost Monty. I was really drunk. I walked upstairs. Justin sat against the wall on the floor, crying.
'J..justin where's Monty?' I stumbled into the wall.

I thought he was done but he wanted more.
Y/n he wanted you.

'Y/n Baker.' Bryce Walker came up to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bedroom.
'Y/n don't go with him!' Hannah walked towards me.
'Ugh Hannah piss off! You.. you are so controlling. I always have to do what you want. You are a spoiled bitch, you know that right.'
'You don't know what you're saying. You're drunk.'
'I... am not drunk.'
'Y/n, please listen to me. I'm telling you, as your sister. Don't go with Bryce.' I slapped her.
'You aren't my sister. You're dead to me.'

I was dead to you. I couldn't help you. You wouldn't let me.

'Bryce.. what are.. what are you doing?' He started kissing my neck and putting his hand up my skirt.
'Bryce.. where's.. where's Monty.'
'Monty doesn't matter. I matter.'
'Bryce get off her!' Monty ran too the room and tried to pull him off me. He started punching Bryce but Bryce was stronger.
'Monty, we are brothers right? Let me do this.' Monty stood outside the room, helpless.

Your boyfriend heard the screams. Your screams. He could've stopped it. He didn't. And he still calls this man.. this monster his friend. After what he did to you y/n. Does he even love you? How could you still call him your boyfriend?

-----time jump-----

I woke up in Jess' bed. How did I get here? What happened? I walked downstairs to find Monty on the sofa, looking nervous.
'Hey, you ok?'
'Yeah..' He walked away from me.
'Monty? Are you sure? Did something happen?'
'No babe, it's fine. We were playing suck and blow and you grew tired to went to lie down in Jess' bed, remember?'
'Y..yeah.' I vaguely remember that happening.
'Good, now come outside. Jeff's going on a beer run.'