Dead to me // 13rw

The tapes

It had been 3 weeks since Hannah's death. I had broken up with Monty. It's not like I didn't love him. I did. I just wasn't in a good place. Hannah had just died and I had never fully recovered from Jeff's death.

I hadn't been to school since that day. I didn't want everyone asking if I was ok and saying they were there for me. But they still did anyway. I had to go back to school the next day. Mr Porter called my parents saying my attendance was really low.

I got to school and everyone just stared at me. I heard the whispers as I walked to my locker.
'Her sister died.'
'Her sisters the one that killed herself.'
'She's the sister of the depressed girl.'

I walked past Hannahs locker, stopped and stared. Tears fell down my face. Everyone had made memorial for Hannah and set it up infront of her locker.
'Y/n.. hey.' It was Courtney. The last thing I wanted was everyone saying how sorry they are.
'I'm so sorry. Me and the rest of Liberty are here for you. It's such a tragic loss and I want you to know that we have your back.' She smiled and put her hand on my shoulder.
'Thanks Courtney.' I couldn't be bothered to say anything else. I brushed her arm off my shoulder and walked away.

'Y/n!' Jess ran up to me and gave me a hug.
'Hey Jess. I missed you so much.' I really did. She was the only one that didn't message me with heartfelt messages.
'I missed you too. And so did everyone else.' She linked arms with me and we walked towards my locker. I just wanted to get my books.
'How is everyone?'
'They're ok. Hannah's death affected all of us in different ways.'
'How's Monty...?' I really wanted to see him.
'He's ok. I think he's missed you the most. He hasn't been himself since.. you know.'

-----time jump-----

At lunch, I didn't really want to go to the cafeteria. I just went under the bleachers outside and smoked a cigerette. I guess I smoke now. I also do coke. It's how I cope with the pain.

'Y/n.' I heard a familiar voice. I smiled.
'Monty..' I hugged him. I teared up a bit. I haven't really stopped crying since..
'I've missed you.'
'I know. I've missed you too.'
'Y/n. You know I still love you right?'
'I love you too. I just can't be in a relationship right now.'
'Since when do you smoke?'
'Since.. Hannah.' That's the first time I had said her name since I found her.
'Oh... you know it kills you right.'
'Maybe that's the point.'
'Don't say that.'
'Why not. Everything I had is now gone. My parents act like I'm not even their fucking child. Hannah's gone. Jeff's gone. I have no one.' Monty took my hand.
'You have me.'

-----time jump-----

'Welcome back Y/n.'
'Thanks Zach.' Mrs Bradley changed our seats in communications class and now I sit next to Zach.
'Uh.. you ok?'
'Fine.'
'You're not.'
'Well how the fuck do you think I'm feeling.'
'Shit. I'm sorry, I'm not the best at comforting people.' He weakley smiled.
'It's ok. I don't need to be comforted.'
'I saved you some work.' He put a whole pile of assignments and worksheets on my desk.
'Thanks I guess.'

-----time jump-----

It was the end of the day and I went to my locker to empty my bag. In my locker, there was a parcel. It was addressed to me. I opened it and it was a box of tapes. Who gave this to me? What was it?

I went home and asked my dad for his cassette player and started listening.
Hey it's Hannah. Hannah Baker.
What the fuck. This was some cruel joke. Hannah was dead. Dead.

I kept listening. It was 13 reasons on why she did what she did. I had to know. Know why she slit her wrists. Know who or what was responsible for it.

-----time jump-----

It had been around 5 hours until I had listned to all of the tapes. I was devestated. Guilty. I started crying until I felt nothing. Nothing but anger. I was angry at everyone.

Angry at Justin for sending that picture. Angry at Jess for leaving Hannah at Monet's. Angry at Alex for the hot or not list. Angry at Tyler for taking those pictures. Angry at Courtney for spreading those rumors. Angry at Marcus for being a dick. Angry at Zach for stealing those letters. Angry at Justin for letting that girl get raped. Angry at myself for being such a bitch to Hannah. Angry at Sheri for killing Jeff. Angry at Bryce for raping Hannah. Angry at Mr Porter for allowing Hannah to do what she did.

I hated everyone. We all killed Hannah.