Dead to me // 13rw

She became nothing

I walked Jess to school the next day.
'Uh, Y/n, I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this. I'm just gonna act normal, like nothing's happened.'
'But please tell me you will do something sooner or later.'
'Of course. I have something in mind.'
'And when you do, I'll be with you all the way.' I hugged her.

-----time jump-----

'Clay?' I whispered. Clay messaged me saying he was at school. 'Clay? Aren't you suspended?' I caught him.
'Yeah but I need to talk to you. I've finished your tape. I didn't know the same thing that happened to Jess happened to you aswell. I'm here for you i..if you need to uh talk.' He smiled.
'Clay, it's not that easy. I can't just talk about it with someone. I haven't even fully processed the thought of it. I just.. can't.' I cry. 'And I'm so sorry. If I had just been there for Hannah. I literally said she was fucking dead. I practically told her to go and do what she did.' Clay pulled me into a hug and I cried into his shoulder.

'Y/n, if we all had been there for Hannah, she wouldn't have done what she did. It's not your fault, don't beat yourself up for what we all did.'
'I'm so fucking stupid. I'm a fuck up. I'm high and drunk all the time. Because that's how I cope. I feel pain without alcohol and drugs. They make that pain go away. And because I was drunk Hannah... Hannah killed herself.' I cried.
'She tried to warn me. About.. about Bryce. I didn't fucking listen. I got raped. I traumatised Hannah. I made her feel like nothing and then.. it's like she became nothing.'
'She's not nothing Y/n. She's still here. Still with us. With us mentally and spiritually.'

'W..what tape are you on now?' I sniffed. I was embarrased. Embarrased that Clay saw me like that.
'I.. I just finished Sheri's.' I frowned. Sheri. That murdering bitch. She murdered my best friend. My soulmate. She murdered Jeff. I will never forgive her for that no matter how many times she apologises. Nothing can bring Jeff back. Nothing.
'Oh.. so uh you better go find her then.'
'Yeah, listen, Y/n. I'm here for you. And I'm here for Jess. I know she doesn't believe the tapes but I do. And I will fight for you. Fight for her and fight for Hannah.' He put his hand on my shoulder and went to find Sheri.

-----time jump-----

I was walking to first when Tyler came up to me.
'Y/n, I saw Clay talking to Sheri.'
'Huh? How did you even see that?'
'Long lenses.' He chuckled .' Is he turning her in?'
'Look, we shouldn't really be talking about this.'
'Ok but is he turning her in?!'
'I don't fucking know Tyler!' My eyes were still red and sore from crying.
'You like Clay, don't you?' He asked. I smiled slightly.
'Of course I do, he's so nice to me. And is.. was nice to Hannah.'
'Yeah, I've always liked him aswell. He was nice to me too.'
'Tyler, what do you want?'
'Let's talk to him, you and me. The other kids just wanna bring him down but you and me, we could talk to him. He might listen to us.'

'Y/n, is this freak bothering you?' It was Monty.
'Leave us alone Montgomery. We're fine.' I scoffed.
'Y/n, can you atleast think about it?'
'I... uh, talk to, I don't know.. um.. Sheri about it?'
'Leave her alone... freak!' Monty yelled in Tylers face. He backed him up against the wall.
'Monty, stop.'
'Fucking leave her alone.'
'Monty, he's not doing anything. Fucking let him go!' I tried to pull his arm off of Tyler but he pushed me away.

'Uh.. these are a thousand dollar cameras.' I heard Tyler say.
'Yeah? And I'll break them on your face.' He chuckled.
'Jesus Montgomery, leave him alone!' Alex approached us. I smiled at him and he smiled back.
'What you wanna go again?'
'Montgomery, remember how that turned out last time?' I rolled my eyes.
'Do you? Didn't you just get back from your suspension?'
'Fuck you Alex.' He scoffed.
'No thanks Monty, you're not man enough.' Alex said. I giggled.
'Ok.' He backed away and slapped Tyler like a soccer mom.
'Honestly Montgomery, you're such a child.' I gave him a death stare.
'Yeah but you love me.' I stayed silent. Of course I still loved him. A feeling like that doesn't go away that easily. But he let Bryce fucking rape me. And still calls him his brother. Did he even love me? I smiled at Alex and Tyler and walked away to find Jess.

-----time jump-----

There Jess was, getting into Bryce Walker's car. What the fuck was she thinking? I walked over to them and knocked on the car window.
'Hey guys! What are u doing?'
'Hey Y/n, we're gonna get high at Jess'. Wanna come?' Bryce asked.
'Of course! I can't turn down that offer.' I looked at Jess and got in the back seat.

-----time jump-----

'Am I high? I think I'm high.' Jess laughs.
'Jess, come on, you had like two hits.' I go and sit on her parents' bed.
'Two's alot.' She giggled.
'Well it's more than one!' Bryce said. Jess started opening a safe in the corner of the room.

'What's in there?' I asked.
'You'll see. If my dad knew I could get into this thing he would flip his shit.' She opened it and I could see a bunch of guns and bullets.
'Shit!' Bryce laughed.
'I know right. Dad's packing. This ones my favourite.' She took out a gun.
'Fuck!' I flinched and crawled to the back of the bed.
'Jesus!' Bryce also flinched. 'Jess, is that thing loaded?!'
'Of course not!' She comforted us. Phew. I calmed down. She checked it and we saw that it was loaded.
'Shit.' She said. 'Guess it was loaded. My bad.' She chuckled.

'Jess you're fucking crazy.' I said.
'You should not be handling a gun!' Bryce backed away.
'I know what I'm doing!' She walked towards Bryce and started explaining what the gun was.

I didn't really care. All I needed to know about guns was that they can kill and I don't want to be anywhere near one.
'Cool, I'll take your word for it.'
'What, don't you like a glock?' She flirted.
'I'm not really from a gun family. We ski.' Bryce said. I laughed.
'Try it.'
'I'm good.'
'Is there a KFC around, because I smell chicken.'
'Come on Brycey!' I laugh. 'Hold the gun.'
'Fuck you guys.' He said and took the gun.

Bryce started holding the gun and pointing it at the bed. I stood up and walked over to them.
'Bryce what the fuck, I was sitting there.'
'Not in that exact spot!'
'Whatever.'
'Bryce, only actors in Hollywood hold it that way.' Jess started holding Bryce's hands to move them to the correct position. I couldn't tell if this was part of a plan to expose him or if she was mad at Justin or if she forgave him. I looked at her.
'What the fuck?' I mouthed.
'I'm fine. All good.' She mouthed back.