twenty two - it iz what it iz

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Thursday, December 6, 1984

"Your math grades are going down again," you father comments as he eyes the low mark you had gotten on your exam paper.

"It's just one mark," you shrug, keeping on eating dinner.

It was still early in the evening, but your parents liked to eat and go to bed as soon as they could when they were present home. You had been sitting silently at the dining table, the only sound being the clicking of your cutlery and the highly annoying noises that came out of your mother's open mouth while chewing, when the usual question came up.

'How's school going' was his best way of starting a conversation when he got bored. It was never destined to Steve, because then things would get heated. Your parents had long given up on your brother having good grades, now just asking of him that he gets into any university that would accept him. You knew it wouldn't be that easy. Steve was convinced he could get a job at your father's company after highschool.

So this question was directed to you. You decided to come clean and tell him about your math grade, and he asked you to fetch it to see where you had made mistakes. However, he couldn't understand the exam paper either, so he gave up and decided to scold you instead.

"It's not just one mark," he raises his voice slightly, making everyone tense up. "You've been slacking off lately."

It was true, of course. You had had a hard time focusing these last weeks. Probably because you had witnessed things they couldn't even imagine.

You couldn't say that, though.

"It's math," you answer, shrugging. "I've never been good at math-"

"It's because you're not trying," he spits out. "I told you to try harder. You're not listening."

"I am trying! I just suck at it! And it's just one subject. I'm good at other things."

"Yeah, she's top of her class in Literature," Steve intervenes rather clumsily.

"Literature won't get you anywhere!" Your father argues, growing even more irritated. Visibly, he was in a bad mood, and there was nothing you could do in this case. "I need you to listen to me. I'm an adult, I know what's good for you. It's useless. What, do you want to end up working at the library or something? Do you want to be useless, (Y/n)?"

"Maybe," you say, uninterested in the conversation, and bring your glass of water to your lips.

"You listen to me!" He slams his fist on the table, making everyone flinch. The glass slips out of your fingers, spilling all the water on your sweater, before it bounces back on your thigh and falls to the ground, shattering in several pieces that are projected everywhere on the floor.

After the loud noise of the breaking object comes the heavy silence. You look down at your feet. One piece of glass cut your ankle, and a droplet of blood is slowly running down towards the floor.

"You're right," you snap back. "Literature is useless. I should get better at math to count the difference in salary between me and men. That's how things are, right? Mom works thrice as hard as you, and yet you're the one in charge and getting all the money. So no, now that you mention it, I don't think math will get me anywhere either."

"She's crazy," your father throws his hands in the air, shaking his head at your mother. "Your daughter is crazy."

"(Y/n), go to your room," she says, not looking at you but at her plate. Yet she wasn't eating.

You get up from your chair in silence, making sure you weren't stepping on any piece of glass. Steve's head hung low as you walked away, going up the stairs.

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